The Badass of the Blitz
by ArchLucie
Summary: The big machines are coming, but no one knows it yet. She is already a hero; the Badass of the Blitz, they call her. When they arrive, she will be the galaxy's only hope against an enemy that has been harvesting civilizations for millennia. But she cannot do it alone. Along the way, she finds a love that will transcend death. (A novalization with heavy Shenko emphasis.)
1. Elliott

_Disclaimer_: Bioware owns the Mass Effect Universe and it's characters, but I own my imagination. I try to stay as close to the original ME story as possible while staying away from most in-game scenes.

Rated M for language, adult situations and a little Shenko smut. Enjoy!

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><p>April 14, 2183. That was the day Shepard took her first steps onto the Citadel. This was her first extended shore leave in six years and she intended to enjoy every minute of it. Afterwards, she was to report back to Arcturus Station for her new deployment instructions.<p>

Being an N7 Systems Alliance soldier was an incredibly taxing undertaking, so in the meantime, she wanted to drink, dance badly, and perhaps, find a cute marine to take to bed. The former two were mandatory, the latter, a perk. She always had a "live life to the fullest" mentality, and shore leave was no exception. This philosophy was understandable considering the amount of time she spent getting shot at.

The last time she received more than a weekend off from her duties was shortly following the Skyllian Blitz. Seven years ago, she had singlehandedly saved a colony on Elysium from pirates while on shore leave. She was given a month off to recuperate from the mental and physical injuries she sustained in the victory against the Batarians. A lot of her leave included press tours and public relations obligations that left little time for any actual relaxation. It was for the best considering that her personality did not know the meaning of the word relax.

As much as she dreaded being one of the most well known faces of the Alliance military, and a hero to many, she accepted the responsibilities that came with being awarded the Star of Terra. It was the highest honor one could receive from the Alliance, and she understood its significance as did those around her.

She was the Badass of the Blitz, as the grunts referred to her, and was constantly reminded of the feat. There were two scars on her arm from enemy fire. The Star inscribed on her dog tags was always around her neck, and vids of her were plastered all over the galaxy's extranet. She always had to be at the top of her game. She always had to be an example to her fellow marines. She always had to be the first to volunteer to walk into hell.

Those responsibilities were never taken lightly, but she sometimes dreamed of going back to being just another face in the crowd. She could not escape from the images of herself, a situation that her closes friends found highly amusing. Some of the extranet vids were interviews with ungrateful reporters, others were taken directly from battle, and others still were taken by her adoring "fans".

It was not difficult to find information about her life or her service career, and she was not at all comfortable with the exposure it brought. However, if her accomplishments encouraged the next generation of Alliance marines to give their all to it's service, then it was worth the invasion into her privacy.

But she still did not like it.

Her father also had the privilege of receiving the Star thanks to his remarkable service during the First Contact War. She was too young to remember those events, but she always wished she could have had his experiences to draw from. Unfortunately, he was killed by a Batarian during a small, almost forgotten, Alliance skirmish leaving Shepard to grow up without a father.

Her only memories of him were from the vids that she always carried with her on her omni-tool and from the tales of his admiration told to her by all who knew him. Despite the outcome, she still grew up bouncing from military post to military post due to her mother's illustrious service career.

Her mother often stated proudly that her daughter, "The Great Elliott Shepard", inherited everything from her father, even his name. She was teased as a child for having what was perceived to be a boy's name, but she never let it bother her. Bravely, she wore it with pride, because it was one of the few things she had that tied her to her father. They decided on the name "Elliott" before she was born and after the young couple were told their first and only child was to be a boy. However, Shepard had an unpredictable nature about her and it was told that this was the first prank, on a long list to come, that she ever pulled.

Her parents received a tiny Alliance uniform with "Elliott Shepard" monogramed on the nameplate as a gift from their commanding officer. They were so in love with it that it was the only outfit they brought to the hospital with them when she was born. At first, they were apprehensive about putting her in a uniform with a potentially inappropriate name sown onto it. Of course, once they did, they could not imaging naming her anything else. Elliott just seemed to fit her perfectly.

The truth of the matter was that she inherited just as much from her mother as she did her father. Hannah Shepard's self-deprecating nature disguised the fact that she was an equally capable soldier who had been decorated and promoted due to her own acts of valor. As junior cadets at the same Alliance military school, her parents became high school sweethearts after bonding over their own parents' service backgrounds. They enlisted in the Alliance together directly following graduation, but she managed to outranked him by the time they were married. It was not much of a surprise to anyone considering she graduated at the top of their class.

This rapid promotion up the chain of command might have annoyed most men; the kinds of men that did not like to take orders from females despite their qualifications. He, on the other hand, admired her more for her achievements. He knew and appreciated the way she complimented him.

For example, she was much more politically savvy then he was and had a way with persuasion. She always knew the right things to say to get what she wanted from peace treaties to hostage negotiations. He was much more proficient with weapons and warfare, not that she was lacking in this area. Combined, these were the characteristics that made the younger Elliott thrive.

Everyone who knew Ellie, as her mother called her, knew that she was one of the best soldiers to have ever put on an Alliance uniform. In addition, there was no denying her leadership skills after the Blitz. Her superiors trusted her judgement and her subordinates would follow her to hell and back. It was a lot of pressure to handle and she sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a more normal profession.

Upon further examination, she recognized that her skills were much more conducive to protecting the weak and enforcing galactic stability than they were to selling furniture, being a doctor, or anything in between. It was as if several generations of talented military professionals came together to hone their genes into the perfect soldier. Of course, it was just happenstance, but she often got a kick out of the idea of being bred by forces unknown to be the best soldier the galaxy had ever seen.

Needless to say, she had dissenters too, but most of that was due to their own egos or some degree of jealousy. Those were the kinds of people she could do without. The kind of people that liked to bring everyone else around them down because of their own insecurities and shortcomings. She wanted nothing to do with those types, but she did not let them bother her when she had no other choice.

After all, she was fully aware of her capabilities, her assets, and her ability to compartmentalize every aspect of her emotional being when the circumstances called for it. Most people around her were aware of them too. They clung to her like a shadow hoping that she may, in some way, rub off on them or teach them something that only she could. The dissenters were gravely outnumbered.

She received top marks during her N7 training while becoming the second woman to complete the program requirements. And that was only due to her being born a year too late to be the first. Simply being invited into the N program was an achievement in and of itself. It was the type of program that you could not apply for but hoped to be invited into. The seven levels were all substantially more difficult than the last and once you reached seven, you gained a level of respect that no other distinction could duplicate.

It was hard to question the expertise, military prowess, and combat capabilities of an N7 soldier. Most marines could not come close. The skill and dedication that it required was far too intense for mere mortals. Every Alliance recruit dreamed of being an N7; only the elite of the elite made it all the way through.

Shepard was quite exceptional, even for an N7. She broke many long standing records during training that were set by men twice her size but only half as good. Her body was physically unimposing upon first glance. She was of average height and weight...for a human female. Her muscles were trained for agility and reflex as opposed to sheer strength. She used her stamina to out maneuver her opponents in hand to hand combat and her brain to outwit everyone else.

Her biotics, on the other hand, were strong and powerful. She had a natural ability to use them. It did not require much training for her to harness the dark energy into a barrier or a nicely timed throw. Guns also seemed to be an extension of her own body. She learned to handle them at a young age, and again, she had a natural ability to use them. She often tried to think of where she would be if she only had one or the other. Biotics or guns? It was a pointless question, she knew she could kick ass with either one.

Regardless, she did not need to prove anything to anyone but herself. She was good. Damn good, because she pushed herself harder than anyone else ever could. She spent hours on the range taking target practice and what seemed like days in every combat simulator she could find. Her guns danced like puppets on strings controlled by the puppet master to do her bidding.

They were almost like children to her. Most of her money went to purchasing upgrades for them or armor for herself. Most of her time went into cleaning and maintaining them to ensure that they were always in top form. Combat was the thing she was best at, but she was good at almost everything she tried. She would see and executed moves on the battlefield that no one else could. At the same time, she could cook better than any professional chef on Arcturus. She was exceptional.

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><p>Author's Notes: I am not sure if Batarian is supposed to be capitalized. I have noticed that most people do not, but I do because it is a race like Turian or Human. I will continue to do so for consistency. Additionally, I tend not to use contractions due to years of writing professional papers, so I apologize if it throws you off a bit.<p> 


	2. NewOld

A/N: This is her first trip to the Citadel. Unofficial intros to Garrus, Wrex, and Ashley.

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><p>The Citadel was the pinnacle of galactic politics and was a melting pot of alien species and cultures from all over the Milky Way Galaxy. It had been built so long ago, but showed no signs whatsoever of aging and gave no indication that it was a relic left over from an ancient civilization. Like an oasis in the middle of the desert, only a mass relay connected it to the rest of the galaxy. The desolation on the outside was countered by the huge population that occupied the inside.<p>

The purple haze from Widow made the Citadel stand out on it's dramatic backdrop. The colored glow from the star poured into through every window. Five fingerlike panels extended from a hollow center ring. Large buildings rose from their surface. The movable arms allowed the station to close in on itself for defensive purposes, but most of the time they were spread open adding to the drama. The ring housed the Presidium which was home to docking bays, embassies, and the Council. Various Wards composed the five protrusions.

Over thirteen million beings inhabited the structure at any given time. The economies of most species' home worlds were directly tied it. The Wards were bustling with entertainment and commerce around the clock while the Presidium benefited from a day-night cycle that allowed for a more regulated schedule. The galactic Council included representatives from the Asari, Silarian, and Turian races. Humans had been trying to get a seat since first contact thirty years ago. Other species such as the Volus and Elcor had been trying for centuries.

A few tours back, Shepard was on a vessel that had docked at the Citadel for some routine maintenance checks. The ship was abuzz with excitement as everyone clamored for a chance to explore the epicenter of galactic achievement. She never seemed to make it off the ship at any port she docked at, and this was no exception. Because of her N7 status, she had a lot to prove and spent most of her leisure time prepping for missions or reviewing old ones for mistakes and ways to improve her combat skills.

Said duties often times prevented her from partaking in the usual docking activities enjoyed by her shipmates. Instead, she smiled politely as she watched them bring back souvenirs and tales of their adventures. She listened intently as they dispersed their stories attempting to live vicariously through them. The details made her long to be a regular Alliance marine, one not bogged down by the rigorous responsibilities of being an elite fighting machine. That was not an option. She knew that if she was patient she would some day get her chance to explore the revered megastructure.

Arcturus Station was vastly different from the Citadel. It was already showing signs of wear on every surface from it's twenty years of service. The barracks were in bad need of a coat of paint and the beds had long lost their support. Each one sagged in the middle making it's residents painfully aware of the hundreds of bodies that had occupied it before. The halls were a muted dull gray. Rust could be seen in every crack and crevasse. Occasionally, an elevator would break down trapping it's occupants inside and forcing others to take the stairs. Other than that, it was a fully functional Alliance command center.

Shepard quite liked these qualities. They were simple and gave the Station character much like the soldiers that had passed through before her. They had slept in the same beds, walked down the same halls, and saw the same chipped paint hanging from the ceiling. The flaws reminded her of the scars she wore with pride. The Citadel was pristine and perfect, whereas Arcturus was sturdy and distinguished. She easily preferred the latter.

The Station was the command center for the entire Alliance fleet and home base to all N7 operations. Arcturus had been her home for the last few years despite her being temporarily assigned to other ships and stations for a variety of different missions. Regardless, she always managed to returned to the Station. It's unwavering stability grounded her. It was like an old friend that comforted her in times of uncertainty. When an op went bad, she looked forward to returning to its consoling embrace. When and op went good, she looked forward to celebrating upon her return. It was where she learned to cook, where she got her first tattoo, and where she had met most of her closest friend.

As she was attempting to get used to the, slightly annoying and a tad too chipper 17th bunkmate she had had in the past year, a old friend stopped by. He had been transferred to a different station a few months back but made his way to Arcturus for a former CO's retirement party. After grabbing a quick bite and catching up, he mentioned the trip to the Citadel he had booked last year but was now unable to enjoy due to his newest orders. Sensing that she needed the distraction, he offered up his spot. He owed her for saving his live on Elysium. She packed a bag before he could change his mind.

Shepard was lucky to have gotten a ride on the last commuter vessel departing from Arcturus that week. All transport and commercial lanes were operating at peak capacity due to week long festivities on the Citadel. This meant that the next civilian flight would not be able to depart for two more days. It would have eaten into her leave if she had to wait, and she was frustrated at the thought. For a brief moment, she thought she would have to catch a ride on one of the food trucks, or worse, a waste disposal unit. She was not looking forward to either possibility.

Right before boarding, a small child traveling with his mother became ill. He had bright red hair and blues eyes. His pale white skin almost blinded her. Shepard could not help but feel sorry for the little guy. They had most likely traveled to the Station to visit his father and would now have to spend an extra weekend on board. She gladly took their spot thinking that it worked out for both parties. She would now be able to travel as planned and the family would have more time to spend together. Win, win.

The increased traffic was due to Fleet week, and the Citadel was packed to the gills. Fleet week was a custom introduced by the humans after first contact that was quickly extended onto the Citadel once humans were accepted into the galactic arena. It was a time for soldiers to let loose from all the strict military regulations that they followed on a day to day basis and have some good old, unadulterated fun. Other species tolerated it, but many did not understand it's significance. The celebrations consisted of mostly Alliance soldiers but some Turians, Krogans, and even a few Asari participated. There were a few higher ups from nonhuman sectors that encouraged their citizens' involvement to both bolster contact and establish more familiarity between species.

Her first step onto the Citadel was a doozy. She had almost tripped over her own feet due to her unbridled enthusiasm. This was her chance to be an ordinary soldier. A soldier who was recognized by someone new every five minutes, but an ordinary soldier none the less. Ironically, the first face she saw when she arrived was that of an unfriendly Batarian. Even after the death of her father and the Blitz, she could not manage to hate them, and if anyone deserved to, it was Shepard. As soon as she got onto the shuttle to the hotel, any thought of him melted away as she began her long awaited adventure.

On the overcrowded shuttle, Shepard was in awe of the sights and sounds of the festivities and was almost unable to take them all in. Even the smells enthralled her. The shuttle car zipped along past shops and restaurants, clubs and hotels. The aroma of familiar and unfamiliar meats cooking on the grill spilled out of the restaurants and filled her nostrils causing her mouth to salivate. Bright, colorful lights poured into her tightly contracted pupils and burned their images onto her visual cortex. The sounds of muffled conversations, loud music, and skycars flooded her ears. Everything looked so clean and pristine and she laughed to herself as she thought, "So...this is it was what Heaven looks like..."

Outside the hotel she almost ran into a very disgruntled looking Krogan. Or perhaps he was smiling...she could not quite tell. He was well over seven feet tall and probably weighed as much a skycar. He was mostly muscle with a very large hump occupying the space behind his head. In place of hair, bright orange, sheetlike protrusions jetted sharply from his skull. He was clad in heavy dark red armor from head to toe that matched the color of his eyes. She wondered how he got the three deep scars that ran vertically down the right side of his face from above the eye down past the Krogan version of a chin. They ran so deep she thought she could stick a finger in one and not reach the bottom. She contemplated asking him about them but balked at the idea as she hurried along following an unfriendly grunt.

A Turian C-Sec officer with beautiful blue colony markings on his face, and a few scars as well, eyed her as she walked passed him and towards the door to her hotel. His beady eyes fell to the logo on her chest before meeting hers. She smiled at him and he smiled back, or so she thought. He could have been disgruntled...she could not quite tell. She was pleasantly surprised at the nod of respect he seemed to give her. Perhaps it was the prestige of her mostly black leather N7 jacket that she had on. Even the highly militaristic Turians knew how difficult it was to achieve such a distinction. He was wearing the blue trademark C-sec uniform that she saw on a hundred other officers since she arrived. She always wondered what they looked like under their armor. Just as her mind began to wander she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

"Shepard!" A loud, friendly voice beckoned. "Shepard, over here," said the man waving her over.

"Hey, Matthews!" she replied enthusiastically. "Powers couldn't make it. He gave me his ticket and told me to have a good time for him," she explained. "It's been a long time. How have you been?"

"You know, the usual: getting shot at, getting rescued...getting laid..."

"You're drunk," she said laughingly as she stated the obvious.

"Yep!" he yelled with a smile. "Let's get you to the bar! You have a lot of catching up to do," he said as he waved some other friends over. "This is my good friend Shepard." After raising his glass, he continued, "And just so you know, yes, this is the Batarian crushing, Badass Shepard of the Blitz," he said braggingly. Everyone in their party immediately let out a loud "hoorah!" as they emptied their glasses. "We dated for like a week right out of boot camp, but she quickly realized that she was way too good for the likes of me," he proudly confessed. His dark blue eyes sparkled as he spoke. He was just over six feet tall with dirty blonde hair and a long scar on his chin that looked rather fresh. "Best week of my life," he said with a laugh puffing out his chest as if to show off some sort of invisible badge of honor he was wearing.

"I was hoping this would be the best week of mine," she said sharply and full of confidence. "This is my first time here," she followed up.

"We'll show you the ropes," said one of his friends assuredly.

"I should check in first. Give me five minutes to change," she said as she walked over to the front desk of the hotel.

The N7 jacket that she wore commanded respect, but his approval was more than adequate for his friends to take her under their wing. She was hesitant to even put it on up in her room. The red streaks running down the arms represented all the blood she shed during her training. The N7 emblem over her heart acted as a reminder of the dedication she pledged to her duties. She checked herself in the mirror several times to reassure herself that she was not just wearing it for the salutes and free drinks it came with. She was warned that it can get a little cold on the Citadel in certain spots with it being in the middle of space. The technicians tried to keep it at an optimal temperate, but that statement meant something entirely different to nearly every species.

The loud and sudden knock on the door startled her. After regained her composure, and finally deciding to wear the jacket, she opened the door.

"Ready?" Matthews asked. She nodded and pulled the door closed behind her. She could hardly contain her excitement for her first night out on the Citadel.

The club they started at was packed with soldiers on shore leave. The music was loud and the crowd was rowdy. Shepard was a horrible dancer and everyone who knew her knew it. But after a few drinks she could not resist the taunts she received for sitting on the sidelines. A group of female soldiers were dancing carelessly next to them when one accidentally bumped into Shepard following a few too many drinks. Another began apologizing profusely after noticing her N7 jacket. By that time, she was too drunk to care. She later overheard the friend shouting that it was time to go. "Ash, you don't want to be hungover on our flight back to Eden Prime tomorrow, do you?" she pleaded. After some more convincing the group left, leaving a gap on the dance floor that was quickly filled by some Asari. Not giving it another thought, Shepard went back to dancing badly. Or as others called it, flailing with without much style.

The next five days were filled with alcohol, metaphorical pissing contests, and good company. Everyone had a tale to tell. One of Shepard's favorite parts of the week was trying to distinguish fact from fiction, which was decidedly harder when she was drunk. Her biotics allowed her to out drink almost all the people she met. Of course, she did have an unfair advantage due to her increased metabolism thanks to her ability to manipulate dark energy, but she did not tell them that. She was a little disappointed that she could not see more of the Citadel. The participants of fleet week were mostly relegated to the clubs and hotels of the lower levels. But she was sure she would get a chance to explore more someday. The bars would have to do for now.


	3. Iron

A/N: This chapter is a little more action filled than the first two with an unofficial intro to Tali. I also experimented with shorter paragraphs. Plus, my first fight scene!

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><p>Her second night on the Citadel started off without a hitch. The small group had made their way to one of the larger clubs in the area. Music echoed in her ears and she could feel the base thumping in her chest. She hated that feeling but carried on. As soon as they entered, she walked over to the bar.<p>

"I want the strongest drink you got," she yelled. She looked at the shifty Asari bartender and raised an eyebrow before adding, "...that is safe for Human consumption."

She did not want a repeat of the trip she took to Orthos after graduating as an N7. She made the mistake of trusting a bartender who ended up giving her a drink that was especially formulated for the dexto-amino metabolic system shared by the Turians and Quarians. She was laid up for three days in an infirmary on Arcturus after returning.

Five shots and three pitchers of a bitter tasting beer later and she was out on the dance floor. Every limb on her body seemed to move independently of one another. An arm would fly up waving furiously while a leg flailed spastically in the opposite direction. The rumor was that she danced better when drunk, but it was a really close race. To be honest, Matthews was just as bad. His style was somewhere in between an Asari stripper, an Elcor doing ballet, and the old timer vids of a breakdancer.

Cindy, the only other woman in the group, was the best of the six. But that was like being the least ugly duckling in a flock of ugly ducks. Her dark eyes and dark skin stood out against the multi-colored lights. She was a young private who was friends with Matthew's younger brother. Like Shepard, she was a spacer and they became fast friends as the two shared tales of growing up on Alliance ships. They all took turns watching out for her.

Shepard bumped into a lone Quarian the bar as she ordered their sixth round of shots. She had only met a handful of them in her life. They mostly kept to themselves on their fleet in their flotilla. A young Quarian on pilgrimage was an uncommon sight with their environmental suits that protected their compromised immune systems.

"Hey there," Shepard said with a friendly voice.

"Who me?" the young Quarian asked with surprise after a long pause.

"Yeah, you," she replied with a small laugh.

"Oh, hi...Sorry, it's just that I have been sitting here for an hour and you are the first person besides the bartender to speak to me." Her voice was soft a raspy, and the suit added a muffled mechanical sound.

"Shepard! Where are my tongue ticklers?" she heard Matthews yell over the crowd.

"Would you care to join us?" she asked raising the tray of shots. She looked at the small glowing eyes in the purple haze of her suit as she tried unsuccessfully to make out the rest of her face. The eyes blinked at her shyly before declining the invitation. "We'll be on the dance floor if you change your mind."

"Thanks, but I really have to be going," she said as her purple environmental suit faded into the crowd.

After that, she lost track of how many drinks she had had. The songs all melded together and the lights flashed in her eyes. They danced for hours in the club. Shepard had to down several energy drinks to keep up with Cindy; her ego refused to tap out first.

The group added and lost members as the evening went along. People wanted to party with the N7 and her new found friends. Matthews was shot down by dozens of Asari and a handful of Humans. They all seemed to bypass him and hit on the two girls. As long as they got free drinks, they did not care who was supplying them.

At about two a.m., a big muscular meathead of a man entered the club with his posse. His group was loud and obnoxious, and they had clearly been club hopping. Several patrons went running from the club in fear before they could make their way onto the dance floor. Their reputation had preceded them.

It did not take him long to notice the two women as the crowd began to thin. His muscles glistened with sweat from the heat of the club. He was not particularly attractive and obviously used his size to get what he wanted. His face was an odd imperfect oval shape, and he had a crooked nose and small sunken eyes. He reminded her of an Earth turtle she had once seen in a vid with a little head and a big hard shell.

He pushed his way through he dancers as he made his approach. Stealth was not his strong suit. He eyed Cindy and said, "Buy me a drink, babe." The two strong headed women laughed in his face.

"Get lost creep," Cindy said as she rolled her eyes with disgust. Angered and reeking of alcohol, he grabbed her arm and moved his face within an inch of hers.

"What'd you say to me, bitch?" She almost gagged at the smell of him. Sweat, alcohol, desperation, and a hint of garlic burned her nose.

"Let go of her, you Neanderthal," Shepard said calmly pulling the young soldier away. She inserted herself between them. She had a neutral expression on her face: her game face. Only the hint of rage in her eyes conveyed any emotion. Matthews tried to pull her away, but she was bolted to the ground like a mountain.

"Where'd you get that jacket?" he asked with sarcasm. "I bet you stole it, you crazy bitch. Why don't you go back to the kitchen and leave the fighting to us men."

"You got the crazy part right, but the only men I see here are standing behind me," she said coldly. The crowd had parted as a circle formed around them. "You might want to quit while your ahead. I mean, do you really want to get your ass kicked by a girl in front of all these people?" she said with a smirk. She knew she had him on the ropes when she saw him swallow hard.

"I don't waste my time fighting bitches," he yelled to the crowd.

"Yeah, well what about N7's, or don't you have the balls?"

"If you really are an N7, prove it," he said as he gave her a hard shove. She barely moved, and a hint of surprise flashed on his face.

She took the opportunity to clocked him with a right hook that sent him spinning in pain. It was a direct hit to his left eye. He was stunned. He shook it off and charged her. His right hand made contact with her lip. She felt the warm blood run down to her chin. It was the first and last time he landed a hit. She smile because she knew what was coming next.

She wiped the blood off her lip with the back of her hand as he began to swing wildly at nothing but air. She bobbed and weaved around him with very little effort. He was filled with rage as his blood boiled. She was just having fun.

"Stand still, bitch," he demanded.

"What's the matter? Never danced with a girl before?" she taunted him as the crowd laughed.

She landed a few hard shots to his rib cage and he cringed. He almost landed a punch to her head but she ducked haphazardly out of his reach with ease. After she had had her fun, she landed the knockout blow.

The hard rubber heel of her standard issue boot met the chiseled jaw of the giant marine. The thick red fluid gushed from his split lips. The unmistakable metallic smell of iron floated upward towards his nose. His left eye was swollen and had already began to turn black. The knuckles on his throwing hand were saturated with a mixture of blood, mostly his, and sweat. He fell flat on his ass.

A couple of C-Sec officers had been called to break up the fight, but it was over before they arrived. One look at the participants and they laughed and walked away not bothering to write up a report. His friends helped him up before heading to a table in the back. The remaining crowd applauded her as he hobbled off. She was the victor by a mile.

Being the good sport, and partly to gloat, she sent a round of beers to his table. His friends raised their glasses to her in admiration, but the man refused to partake. Just then, a group of passing soldiers sarcastically congratulated him for getting his ass kicked by the Badass of the Blitz. His eyes grew at the realization of who she was. The whites radiated throughout the room. He picked up a glass, raised it to her, drank, then sunk slowly into his chair.

An hour later, they headed back to their hotel. Immediately upon entering, she took a towel from the bathroom and placed some ice in the center. She wrapped the cold compress around her knuckles. Cindy wet another towel and wiped the congealed blood from her chin.

"Thanks for sticking up for me, Shepard," she said with an embarrassed look on her face. Matthews and Shepard looked at each other and laughed deeply.

"Are you kidding? That's her idea of a good time," Matthews said pointing at Shepard. The room filled with laughter as they spent the next few hours swapping stories of various bar fights that they had seen or been in. Slowly, the noise faded as they fell asleep one by one. No one messed with them for the rest of the trip.

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><p>Awkward flirting and Kaidan abound in the next chapter.<p> 


	4. Him

A/N: Kaidan makes his first awkward appearance. Enjoy!

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><p>On the fourth night of her five night stay, the group went to one of the smaller clubs in the area named Marrog's after some obscure council Spectre. Her party had slept well into the afternoon that day and Shepard really wanted a more relaxed atmosphere for the rest of her trip. They bumped into some friends they had made earlier in the week and managed to get into a VIP area of the club.<p>

After an hour of drunk dancing and camaraderie, they settled into a more mellow vibe and began swapping war stories. Of course, Shepard always had the best ones, but a few soldiers gave her a run for her money. Every once in awhile she would receive a drink from a stranger or a new acquaintance. She graciously accepted them but was often puzzled over whether they were for her looks or her N7 attire.

She told one particularly harrowing tale of the Blitz, after which the subject was quickly changed to joke telling when it was made abundantly clear that nobody could beat the newly promoted Lieutenant Commander. Between bouts of laughter, Shepard scanned the club looking for an intriguing man to approach.

Dating seemed to be out of the question for her. Most men were intimidated by her abilities, scared of her biotics, or off limits because of regulations and anti-fraternization policies. She was okay with it for the most part. She understood that she was married to the Alliance. It was her first love and the one thing she truly understood. But every once in awhile she yearned for a real human connection, or perhaps a non-human one. Tonight was one of those nights.

After one particularly surly joke that would have made her mother blush, she got an uneasy feeling that caused her to scan the club. There he stood at the entrance, perfectly within her line of sight. She wanted him immediately which took her by surprise.

She was usually very good at compartmentalizing emotions and feelings, but this was something beyond the scope of her understanding. She had to concentrate to keep from going weak in the knees. Her pulse increased and her temperature skyrocketed. At the time, she contributed it to the strange Asari drink she had just downed. Somehow she knew that he was the one she wanted to spend the night with.

A few seconds later he returned her gaze. He broke eye contact almost immediately. He was too far way for her to tell, but his checks began to burn from his increased blood flow. His mocha colored eyes quickly met hers again. He had to be sure it was him she was looking at. It was.

He was a very attractive man; tall and fit with a great ass, so they told him. His nearly perfect coal black hair had a blue shimmer to it under the lights. The outline of his muscles protruded from his standard issue off-duty fatigues. But he was not the kind of guy who dated much. Like Shepard he was married to the Alliance and his job come first and foremost at the expense of a romantic life. He was rather content with it actually.

He was the strong, silent type, but he was almost clueless when it came to women. The first woman he loved spurned him, leaving him broken and uninterested in the pain that love could bring. Instead, he threw himself into his career and it seemed to work quite well for him. At this point in his life, he had no intensions of disrupting the natural order.

He walked casually over to the bar following his friend's lead. The entire time, the two would lock eyes and then look away coyly, both hoping not to reveal the weaknesses they had when it came to the opposite sex. After she was confident that he was settled in one place, she turned her attention back to her group not wanting to reveal her endgame too quickly, or at the very least, her desperation.

He was quite flattered that a women of her beauty would show an interest in him, even though the truth was that he was handsome enough to get any woman he wanted. The fact that she was wearing an N7 emblem compounded his feelings of self-doubt and disbelief.

"She wasn't really looking at me," he thought to himself trying to explain away his perceived mistake.

She quickly chugged her beer in order to make an excuse to go talk to him. She whispered the code phrase to Matthews. The one they had finally decided on to indicate they would be leaving with someone else involved the L3 implant that they both received as teenagers. It is what solidified their friendship during bootcamp. Her exact words were, "Is it hot in here, or is it just my L3?"

At the bar she squeezed through the crowd and managed to work her way next to her mystery man. Once satisfied at her accomplishment, she attempted to get the Asari bartender's attention to no avail. They both looked at each other and smiled sheepishly, his still flushed cheeks giving him away.

He introduced himself nervously, "Hi...I'm Kaidan."

"Elliott," she replied with an unsure smile.

"Uh...can I, uh, buy you a beer?" He asked stammering with his hand scratching the back of his neck as he did when he was uncomfortable. He quickly remembered that it was a good ice breaker while half expecting her to tell him to get lost.

"I'd like that!" she replied eagerly. "Not that I can't buy my own," she added clumsily, shaking her head in disbelief at the words that had just fell out of her mouth. "I mean, I could buy you one...like the second round or something." He sat there unsure of what to say.

"Real smooth, Elliott...," she thought to herself. She shook it off and asked, "Do you come here often." It was another one of those weird generic questions that you ask when you are trying to pick someone up.

"Uh, no, this is my first time. I didn't know it was fleet week actually. If I had, I probably would have canceled," he said unenthusiastically.

"Why is that?"

"I'm really not one for crowds. I guess I should've been a hermit crab or something."

"Sure but, even hermit crabs have to mate," she said as her face turned a crimson hue. Immediately she wished she could take it back adding apologetically, "That sounded a lot less creepy in my head." They both laughed at their lackluster performances.

"You are correct about the crabs though," he said as they both awkwardly took a drink.

"Well it's a good thing you didn't cancel because we may never have met," she finally said. Her flirty tone gave both of them more confidence.

"Here's your beer, Human," the bartender said rudely interrupting as she slammed a bottle on the bar.

"I think she likes you," said Shepard dryly motioning to the blue skinned Asari.

"What? No, no, she, she's not my type," he replied. "Oh...that was a joke, right?"

"Yeah. Sorry, that's the second one that didn't land tonight."

"Right," he said with a nervous chuckle. After an awkward pause he continued, "Are you here with anyone special?"

"Of course. You're special, aren't you? Geez...Please, don't answer that. I am clearly off my game here."

"At least you have game. Who brings up crabs while flirting with a beautiful woman?"

"So we are flirting?" she asked smiling at his compliment.

"I thought so, but I've been known to be wrong about these things...Can we start again?" he pleaded thinking that anything would be better than the disaster that he found himself in.

"Uh, sure. You go first," she quipped hoping that the second time would not be any worse.

"Hi, I'm Kaidan. I enjoy beer, steak, crabs, and long walks on beach. But I'm not really into crowds."

"Hi! I'm Elliott. I also like beer, steak, and crabs." His warm smile put her at ease and she blurted out, "I saw you walk in and thought you were smoking hot _*cough*_ I mean interesting and wanted to know if you would like to join me for drinks?" she asked, quite proud of her directness.

Amazed that she was still interested, he immediately said yes so that she would not be able to move on to someone else. There was something rather familiar about her. He could not shake the feeling that he had seen her before, but where, he could not say.

He mumbled something to his friend and told her to lead the way with a satisfying grin on his face. She was the one that picked him up, but when he told the story the next day, it would be the other way around. They made their way to an empty table and waited for a server to take their drink order.

He thought about bringing up her N7 jacket. No way could he have handled a program like that. He was good, but not Shepard good. He admired her as a fellow soldier but was intimidated at the same time. He decided that anything he had done would not compare to her stories and decided not to bring it up.

He desperately searched for something interesting to talk about. "The weather? Too boring. Besides, the Citadel doesn't have weather. The Alliance? Too formal. We're on shore leave. Crabs? What the hell, Lieutenant? Wow, she is gorgeous. Any minute, I'm going to wake up...or...she's gonna leave."

Luckily, the loud music helped to alleviate the awkward silence. He was still afraid that if he was not interesting enough that she would find someone else to have drinks with and send him on his the way. He could not have been more wrong. The only thing she was thinking of was, "How long do I have to wait before I invite him to my room?"

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><p>Note: Wow, thanks for the reviews! Hopefully I will be able to upload chapters once or twice a week, depending on my schedule. My chapters are a little on the shorter side so I hope that one or two a week will not be too unreasonable for me.<p> 


	5. Distractions

More awkward silences and character development, but the next chapter makes it worth it I think. Enjoy!

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><p>All attempts at conversation were met with outside obstacles. This was probably a good thing considering their conversational skills were a bit lacking. Firstly, the music made it almost impossible to hear their own thoughts let alone the voice of someone else. Any exchange of words were done through shouting or a bad version of charades. That did not last long.<p>

Shortly thereafter, they made their way to the upper level of the club which offered a reprieve from the pounding beats. However, that was met with other men constantly offering to buy her a drink. It was not very conducive to a meaningful conversation either. Next, they ventured out onto the veranda. After the fifth person worked their way into the conversation, he was tempted to throw in the towel.

Their behavior was understandable considering that most of them had never met an N7 in person. The crowd was mostly made up of lower ranking officers or enlisted soldiers. He remembered his own enthusiasm upon meeting an N7 for the first time and forgave their lack of etiquette that was compounded by the overflow of alcohol.

The only solace he got from the constant distractions was that it allowed him the chance to study her. His curiosity was partly due to the intrigue that everyone else seemed to gravitate to, but it was also something deeper that he could not articulate. He immediately knew he liked her. Of course he thought she was remarkably beautiful, but he had this gnawing feeling that it was more than that.

She was beautiful. She had medium brown hair with streaks of copper that fell just below her shoulders. The curls bounced every time she moved her head. Her eyes were an unmatchable green. Similar to the color of trees after are thunder storm. The pupils were surrounded with streaks of gold radiating from the center and flecks of yellow sprinkled throughout. The outside was a darker green that made the inside pop.

The high cheekbones under her eyes gave her a femininity that her personality lacked. She was not into dresses and hardly wore makeup. She was the antithesis of traditional gender rolls. Her ideal date included a trip to the shooting range and a few shots of hard liquor. She was more comfortable in armored boots than heels and did not own a pair of dress shoes other than the ones that came with her standard issue dress blues.

The way she walked-_strutted_-was neither feminine nor masculine. It was oozing with authority and confidence and demanded attention. She had a few hard to detect scars on her right cheek and chin and one that was hard to miss above her left eye that continued underneath, splitting her brow in the process. Several more littered her body in various places that she humbly wore with pride.

She had a dry sense of humor and was quick to the punch line long before others even saw the joke. Pranks were one of her favorite past times. Other than the usual shenanigans of filling shower heads with colored powders or swapping out roommates clothes for ones a size smaller, she would sometimes embark on larger scores.

One particularly dull night was immediately turned around with the help of the handle of an old knife glued to her head, fake blood gushing out of the supposed wound, and a rather hysterical jog around the mess hall. Her most infamous prank included a live grenade, a fake baby, and her CO. At any other time she may have been court-martialed, but she had an ability to know when and how to pull a prank that would alleviate tension.

Kaidan was well aware that she was way out of his league. She laughed along with the string of soldiers that came up demanding her attention while he stood shyly, and a bit awkwardly, to the side. She would occasionally glance at him with her eyes apologizing for the distraction. He would chime in here and there when a subject of interest to him came up, but for the most part, he stood admiring the view and sipping his beer. And he was quite content to do so.

He was never one for being the center of attention and was glad that he was not getting much. However, he was not sure how he felt about the attention that she was receiving. He had never dated anyone like her before. That was not saying much since he rarely dated to begin with. He assumed she was some sort of Alliance poster child for new recruits or something along those lines. At that moment, his memory betrayed him.

"Staff Lieutenant Shepard!" yelled a group of soldiers that came running towards them begging for an autograph.

"Will you sign my boots?" a young woman asked with enthusiasm.

"Absolutely," she answered without hesitation. "But why anyone would want my signature is beyond me," she laughed.

"Lieutenant Shepard?" he quietly said to himself with stunned bewilderment. None of his friends were going to believe he had drinks with THE Lieutenant Shepard. He had not recognized her from the numerous vids he watch on the extranet, but he knew who she was. She was already a legend to many young Alliance officers, and he felt ashamed for previously thinking that she was a poster child. She saw the shock in his eyes and leaned over to assure him she was still interested.

"It's actually Lieutenant Commander...but we can talk about that later, Kaidan," she said with a confident bravado as her hand slightly grazed his. His heart fluttered.

After feeding the masses, she once again turned her attention back to Kaidan. "Sorry about that. Where were we?" she ask casually sipping her beer.

"You were saying something about the colorful lights," he replied.

"Right..." she said, her eyes falling slowly to the ground with embarrassment. Of course he remembered. He hung on to every word she said, even the boring ones. She felt his eyes on her and looked back up to meet his gaze. She smiled at him. He smiled back. She took a sip of beer and eyed him coyly. He grinned as his cheeks began to turn red again.

"So...Commander, huh?" he asked.

"Sure am," she answered.

"I want to apologize...for...for not recognizing you," he shamefully said. Her hair was down and fell softly over her shoulders. She rarely wore it like that; it was always pulled back in the vids. He assumed that this was why he failed to recognize her.

"Why?" she asked with a puzzled look. "It was kind of refreshing to meet someone who didn't recognize me." She sighed then continued, "It's tiring having to be 'on' all the time. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I get that. Your name was plastered everywhere after the Blitz. If it were me...I, I don't think I'd ever leave my bunk."

"If I were you, I might never leave my bunk either," she said biting her lower lip. "But that's not really an option for me."

"I guess not," he shrugged, his eyes intently staring at her lips as he let out a self deprecating laugh.

A brief silence gave her eyes time to wander over him. His hair was as black as coal, and there was not a strand out of place. She resisted the urge to rub her fingers through it in an attempt to rectify the situation. The lack of scars on his face made her insecure. She was not used to talking to someone with a near perfect complexion. The men she usually found physically attractive wore them with distinction after years and years spent on the battlefield.

He had thick black eyebrows that paved the way for his lightly colored eyes. They were warm and inviting and reminded her of the raw honey her mom used to receive in care packages from Earth. His broad shoulders filled out his uniform nicely as his biceps peaked out shyly from his sleeves. He was perfection.

His personality was also far from the men she was used to. He was quiet and soft spoken with a raspy voice that lingered in her ears. She was used to louder men that were overflowing with charisma and self assurance. These were not necessarily bad qualities, but she found herself seeking more tranquil people in her life lately, especially as her reputation began to spread.

He seemed to be fine with the amount of attention she received. If it bothered him, he did not show it. The last time she went out with a man, her date became visibly irritated every time she stopped to appease the crowd. Infamy was a big part of her life and she appreciated the fact that Kaidan handled it with grace. There were few men in the service like him. Perhaps that was what she found so attractive about him.

"You wanna get out of here?" she finally asked breaking the rather comfortable silence. "You can walk me to my room."

"I would love to," he said as he raised an eyebrow playfully while attempting to hide a hint of hesitation. He was not the kind of man who casually went home with a woman. In fact, it had taken him months to work up enough courage to ask out the last woman he dated. But she was Shepard. Something compelled him to follow her.

This was not about a notch on his bedpost and it was not about her reputation. When he looked at her, an overwhelming calm washed over him. When she looked at him, his heart stopped. He was under her spell and there was not a damn thing he could do to change that.

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><p>AN: Thanks to everyone who is reading this! The next chapter contains some smutty goodness.


	6. Nirvana

A/N: This is my first attempt at smut so bare with me. It took me awhile to finish because I kept changing everything. First, it was too explicit. Then, it was too vanilla. I hope this one is just right. Thanks for the follows and reviews!

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><p>After a quiet walk, they got to her room and she immediately invited him in for a drink. He had stuck it out through a list of constant distractions and interruptions and, by this point, she was confident that the evening was heading where she hoped it would. She shed her jacket and walked over to the small fridge on the table.<p>

"Why did you join the Alliance?" he asked nervously when he could not think of anything else to say.

"Uh...my parents were...are Alliance. My father died fighting some Batarian pirates after the First Contact War and my mother is currently the executive officer on the SSV Kilimanjaro," she said haphazardly as if she had told the story a million times before.

"My father was also an Alliance soldier. He retired awhile back," Kaidan replied nonchalantly matching her tone.

Shepard took two beers out of the fridge and popped them open. Handing one over to him she asked, "Did you always want to be in the military?"

"I'm a biotic'" he said before a brief pause. Following a swig from the bright green bottle he continued, "With that plus my dad's background, I don't think I had much of a choice. But it doesn't matter now. It was the best decision I ever made. I have seen the galaxy inside and out. I have been to places I couldn't have dreamed of...And I like to think that this is just the beginning," he said calmly before taking another drink. "I have made a difference, and I wouldn't have it any other way," he explained as he beamed with pride.

It was not much, but Shepard had heard all she needed to know about him. He was a dedicated soldier; just like her. He came from a military family; just like her. He was a biotic; just like her. And he really had a passion for what he did. Just like her.

Without a second thought she fired up her biotic field. The blue energy flowed around her and he immediately lit up instinctively in response. Before he knew what hit him, she jumped into his arms. Both of their beers went crashing to the ground unnoticed. She wrapped her legs around his waist as tight as she could while he pushed her back up against the wall to brace them.

They pressed their lips together and she moaned in ecstasy, relishing the feel of the energy transfer between them. Slowly making his way down the side of her neck to her collarbone, he kissed and licked and nibbled her slightly salty skin.

His nose sent an electric shock to her dog tags when he passed over them. They both gasped at the sensation. She laughed softly with excitement, and he continued on.

When he attempted to move down to her shoulder, she grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head back so she could once again have access to his soft lips. She felt his warm breath on her mouth as his breathing intensified. She kissed him so intensely that he almost forgot how to breath. Their tongues danced in harmony with the rhythm of their rapid heart beats.

He spun them around and threw her onto the bed. He kicked off his boots, and with his arms crossed, grabbed the hem of his shirt pulling it over his head. When he was half way into the action, she grabbed his waistband and pulled him closer as she undid the button and the zipper. He let out a soft laugh.

Feeling a little exposed, he raised her hands over her head. Then he sensually drew his fingers down her arms and down the sides of her body. His thumbs lightly grazed over the apex of her breasts in the process lingering for a moment before continuing.

He reached the bottom of her shirt and pulled it off over her head to even things out a bit. Her peaks were erect and poking through the red lace bra she bought the day before on a whim. It was not really her style, but the sight of it dropped his jaw to the floor, and she assumed that that was her reward for the impulsive purchase. She smiled seductively.

Returning to her collarbone, he licked and kissed his way down to the top of her bra. He gazed up at her looking for reassurance. She smiled and bit her lower lip. He took that as a direct order to proceed and smiled back. He slowly pulled down the top of her bra with one hand. She arched her back aching to be closer to him. He used his other hand to reveal her right breast which he promptly took deep into his mouth.

She rubbed his thighs with her toes as she used her heels to anchor him in place. His right hand began to travel downward as the other explored every inch of her body. Not even bothering to undo her pants, he slipped his hand into her panties. They were moist with her wetness, and he smiled with a sense of accomplishment. He gently rubbed her swollen sweet spot with his thumb as her moans became more rhythmic.

Feeling satisfied, he slowly and sensually removed her remaining clothes throwing them to the floor. He softly kissed her inner thighs wanting to delay the upcoming act for as long as possible. She wiggled about causing the sheets to flail around her in every direction. He placed a hand on her stomach in an attempt to hold her in place.

After she had had all she could stand, she grabbed his head with both hands and guided his mouth onto her warm, wet jewel. His tongue traced its outline as his breath tickled her skin. He began sucking her delicate folds while he entered her with his fingers. Her ravenous shrieks encouraged him to go deeper. She had one hand on the back of his head, twirling his hair between her fingers, and the other clenching the headboard for both support and leverage.

He looked into her green eyes every chance he got for reassurance and to see them filled with satisfaction. Every inch of her body yearned for him. She knew she made the right choice bringing him back with her, but she could not help but think that it was not a choice at all. It was as if the universe knew something that she did not.

She did not know the guy, not really any way, yet she wanted him. She wanted all of him. Everything he had to give she wanted. She was scared at the thought of being so vulnerable with someone. But she did not expect to ever see him again after this night and finally decided to give in to the passionate moment.

He kissed her soft, supple lips bringing her crashing back to reality. She smiled up at him as she grabbed his hips and dug her nails into his skin. He slowly entered her as she threw her head back with delight. His skin tingled as her muscles tightened and squeezed around him. He kissed her passionately with every thrust; each one deeper than the last.

His body crashed wildly into hers as they gasped for breath between moans of pure bliss. He grabbed her hands and held them over her head entangling his fingers within them. His thunderous grunts cut through the air and became intertwined with her screams of euphoria. The intensity set off her biotics and the electric charge sent both of them hurling into nirvana.

**XoXoX**

As their heart rates came down and their breathing slowed, he continued to kiss her neck. He did not want to sleep. His eyes grew heavy, but he tried his best to fight it. He knew that tomorrow would bring a heartache that he was not prepared for. Right now, he cherished the feeling of her soft skin next to his.

But he knew, just as she did, that they were never going to see each other again. After all, the galaxy was vast and unforgiving. Their jobs, demanding and unpredictable. He took a slow, deep breath in an attempt to soak in as much of her as he could. This would be a night he would never forget.

They took turns throughout the night waking the other with kisses and moments of intense pleasure. He would wake up to her warm tongue lightly teasing the most sensitive parts of his body. She would wake up to his lips working their way down her back. They would reach moments of pure elation then fall asleep only to be woken up again for the next cycle.

Eventually, she fell into a deep sleep with her head resting on his warm chest and her leg draped over his with their muscular thighs pressed into each other. He watched her sleep, studying her face. He could not bare to wake her this time and firmly held her until he joined her in REM sleep.

**XoXoX**

Kaidan woke up to a note sitting on the pillow next to him. He knew what it would say before he read it. She started off thanking him profusely for the incredible night they shared together with their bodies tangled in the soft white linens. She explained, not being one to drag out goodbyes, that he was the best way to end one of the best weeks of her life, and that she was called to duty and had to leave the Citadel early that morning.

They both knew the latter was a lie, but they both wanted to believe it. It saved them the heartache of parting ways. Then she mentioned something about the difficulties of military relationships, which was a sentiment that he wholeheartedly shared, before assuring him that it was a night to remember.

Attached to the note was a holo. She took it while he slept that morning right before she managed to extricate herself from his strong embrace. Her head was cradled in the crease of his neck with only half of her face visible. She had a content, yet sultry, smile on her soft pink lips.

They were the same lips he spent an eternity kissing a few hours before. Her left eye flirted with the camera, or flirted with him, he wanted to believe. She had signed it with the following salutation "Licks and Nibbles, Elle." He smiled...then frowned.

He pulled the datapad close to his chest imagining it was her and replayed some of the more memorable moments from the night before in his head. Sighing deeply, his thoughts were slashed with a message from his friend beeping on his omni-tool. He pulled his surprisingly sore body out of the bed and tried to come to terms with the possibility that he would never see her again.

He collected the clothes that had been scattered around the room and looked over longingly at the chair she had flung her N7 jacket on when they first got to the room. The duffle bag that she stashed in the corner was gone and the reality of it all sunk in as he hesitantly left the room pulling the door closed behind him.


	7. SR-1

A/N: I know, I know, more character development... Same with the next chapter, but from here on out, the dialog picks up. Enjoy!

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><p>She was half way back to Arcturus at the time she received a notice on her omni-tool telling her to report to Captain Anderson on the Normandy tomorrow by 1300 hours. The message sent her reeling.<p>

She had heard through scuttlebutt of a new stealth ship that was being commissioned but the news was still hush-hush. The appointment of Anderson as the ship's captain was a last minute surprise and her promotion to XO under him was even more so.

After receiving command of the Normandy, Anderson was given free reign over the choosing of his crew. Some may have looked at her appointment by him as nepotism. To be fair, as one of her father's oldest friends, he was like a surrogate father to her following his death. But most agreed that she earned every bit of her success on her own. Her choice to cut into her shore leave would potentially allow her some face time with Anderson and the crew before their maidan voyage.

"See! Leaving early was a good thing," she thought to herself. She was still on an emotional high from the night before. She did not even know his last name. On closer examination she counted that as blessing so that she would not be able to hunt him down.

She kept telling herself that it was such a special night because it was the only night. She knew she was lying to herself, but she did not want to face the truth or the possibility that she was in love with a man she did not really know.

Shepard did not believe in love anyway, so she thought it was a mute point. After a few hours of internal debate, she gave up on trying to make sense of the encounter. The fact that they would never meet again seemed to resolve the issue for her. As they began docking procedures, she decided that that was the end of it. Shore leave was over and her new job was waiting for her.

Not one to waste time, she made her way to her bunk. She gathered up the few possessions she owned and indiscriminately shoved them into her duffle. The view from their tiny window over looked the landing pad for commercial ships. They were mostly old rust buckets repurposed for shipping goods to other stations and colonies.

She wondered if she would have a window by her bunk on the Normandy. To be honest, any view would be an improvement even one without a window. She took one last look around for anything she may have missed before scooping up her gold fish, Alexander the Great, and heading out.

As she was leaving the room, her bunkmate, Lacy Stephens, came rushing through the door. She was a younger woman with dark hair and crystal blue eyes. Her accent was one of a colony, but which one, Shepard could not place. Most N7's were lucky enough to receive private quarters when the situation allowed for it, but the station was short on space during the Normandy's construction.

She had happily volunteered to house another marine as an example for others to help out and sacrifice comfort for their fellow soldiers. She was hardly home these days anyway. She had hoped for a more stoic roommate who would appreciate the opportunity to pick the brain of an N7. Instead, she got one who was more interested in nail polish and liquor.

This was most likely the first time she had ever left her colony and Shepard understood her enthusiasm. But if she had to hear about the cutie down the hall one more time, she would have forgone the previous notion of helping out fellow soldiers, and properly dispose of her out an airlock.

"You're leaving?" Stephens asked a bit shocked.

"Yeah, you didn't hear?" she answered.

"Ohhh...so you're the Shepard that was picked to be on the Normandy," she said putting the pieces together.

"Yeah, that's me. How many Elliott Shepard's do you think are in the Alliance?"

"I don't know...two?"

"Yeah," she said rolling her eyes in contempt. Shepard stood there in disbelief before saying a quick goodbye.

"Good luck, I'll miss you!" she heard Stephens yell as she walked away.

Shepard was stopped several times before she could make it out of the barracks. Everyone wanted to shake her hand and congratulate her on her appointment to the XO of the Normandy. This sudden attention caught her off guard.

The higher ups transferred her in with the grunts in an attempt to get them to step up their game. It was an experimental program that was designed to force everyone to be on their best behavior. Because her presence upset the natural balance of things, everyone was relieved to hear she was leaving. They did not hate her; they hated the program.

She, herself, was not thrilled with the transfer either. She resented the idea of being the mother hen whose job it was to keep everyone else in line. These were her brothers and sisters, not her children, and she wanted them to see her as such. Even her usual pranks were not enough to elevate the tension that follower her every time she stepped into the barracks.

She tried to reassure the inhabitants that she was just an ordinary soldier, but she was the only one who believed it. She was fairly certain that as soon as she left, they would begin party preparations. Leading a group of soldiers and expecting their best was one thing, policing their down time was something entirely different.

It was unclear if or when she would be back to Arcturus. Knowing this, she took her time as she walked its familiar corridors. Nostalgia cut through her consciousness. She smiled as she past hordes of people. She wondered if she would ever see them again, not that she would remember if she did.

She trekked passed the fountain that was once stained blue for a week after a prank gone wrong. She strolled passed the main office of the N7 program and saw her former self sitting next to the potential recruits filling out paperwork. She rushed past the infirmary that she spent a week in following a nasty fall on a small desolate planet. After the walk down memory lane, she stopped off at her favorite cantina for a sandwich before continuing on to her destination.

**XoXoX**

She was almost speechless the first time she saw the Normandy. The technological advances alone would be enough to impress most of the galaxy. The on board FTL capabilities made her the envy of the fleet, and her stealth systems were state of the art.

There was no arguing she was a modern marvel. How the Humans and Turians were able to create such a feat was beyond her understanding. Especially so, considering that less than thirty years before the two species were having it out during the First Contact War.

Shepard's feelings went beyond the usual astonishment at her prowess. They were much more intimate. She grew up in and around spaceships. On a spacecraft was the only place she felt at home. The quiet hum of the engine always helped her sleep. Like a lullaby, it soothed her.

If there was anything more peaceful than looking out of an observatory window as the stars and planets flew by, she did not know it. "Now this is what love feels like," she said to herself, attempting to lessen the effect that Kaidan had had on her. She was saddened by the fact that she missed the unveiling the day before. This was eased by the fact that she was going to be part of its crew.

There was a decent sized crowd still gathered on the observatory deck overlooking her. Everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of the frigate of the future. Who could blame them? A dozen reporters were scattered in with the crowd, their cameras all trained on the ship. Her name would be spread throughout the galaxy by tomorrow morning. "This is going to be one hell of a ride," Shepard thought to herself as she made her way through the chaos.

Anderson was giving an interview by the docking bay doors when she spotted him. His brown skin stood out on the bright white doors. He was wearing his dress blues which always made him stand a bit taller. A six foot framed hid the soft belly he had acquired after gaining his captaincy.

He had a kind face that had not yet begun showing its age and his smile was warm and inviting. He had been born in London a year before her father, but any trace of a British accent had long faded. Carmel brown eyes twinkled in the light from the camera. He flashed her a quick smile before turning his attention back to the reporter in his face.

His military career was impeccable. His service during the First Contact War was enough to brand him as a legend. The fact that he was part of the first class to complete the N7 program only solidified this reputation. An appointment to CO of the Normandy caught him off guard, but if his years of military service taught him anything, it was to expect the unexpected. He graciously accepted without hesitation. In the back of his mind, he knew he deserved it.

He also did not hesitate to bring Shepard on board as the XO after he got the call. He had always been there for her when she came seeking career advice or the knowledge his experience brought. He had no children of his own and really enjoyed being able to pass on his wisdom to someone who was worthy of it.

At the same time, she appreciated having a fatherlike figure to confide in. She was smart enough to handle things on her own, but he quite liked the idea of having a protege. He could not think of anyone else who he would rather share his next adventure with.

The reporter signed off and the light on the camera went dim. Anderson shook hands with the reported, looked over towards Shepard, and said, "Well if it isn't my favorite XO?"

"Anderson!" she replied with a huge grin. "It's been too long. How is everything?"

"I am Captain of the most advanced war ship in the galaxy, can't complain," smiling as he spoke. "How about I show you around our new home?"

"I'd like that...Captain," she said as the huge grin faded to a more sly one.

They walked through the big white doors and found themselves on the docking platform. There was a big blue colored barrier just past the stern keeping out the emptiness of space. The inside was pressurized; on the outside was the void.

"Wow," is all she could muster.

Her dark blue hull was broken up by the lights from the windows and the wings stretched out to her as if to take her hand for comfort. The door to the outside airlock opened and the two weathered soldiers stepped inside. The low, mechanical voice startled her as the VI initiated the entrance procedures.

"Decontamination in Progress," the stiff mechanical voice repeated incessantly. A florescent blue matrix ran over them, burning off all the particles they had picked up on the Station. They stood there in silence as he let her enjoy the experience. After a few goes, she would come to find it tedious as she was not one to stand still for long.

The buttons on the side panel lite up in a predetermined pattern. Reds and yellows turned bright green once the sequence was complete. A long beep signaled that they were clear to proceed and the door to the bridge swung open.

"After you, Commander," he insisted, extending his hand motioning for her to take the lead. "Welcome to the Normandy, Elle."


	8. Pleasant Introductions

A/N: We are FINALLY on the Normandy! As the title suggests, this chapter contains crew intros. No Kaidan, though. :-( But there are some good awkward Shenko scenes coming up so stay tuned!

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><p>Her knees had trouble holding up her body as she began her first tour of the ship. Anderson beamed like a proud father showing off his child. Shepard had trouble discerning whether it was the Normandy or herself that caused such a reaction. She decided on a little bit of both with an internal chuckle.<p>

The same voice she had heard in the airlock startled her again forcing her back out of her thoughts. The VI announced their presence to the rest of the ship, but everyone on the bridge had already seen them. She ignored their gazes as she studied the the Command deck.

To her left was the cockpit. Its interface took up more room than she expected, but then again, this was a highly innovative war ship. She was glad she did not have to learn how to fly her. A trigger was about advanced as she got. The large bay windows let in light from the Station, and she could just make out a news camera in the distance.

The pilot, Jeff "Joker" Moreau, spun around in his seat to greet her. He was running onboard diagnostics and familiarizing himself with the Normandy's controls. His white teeth shined through the dark reddish beard that covered most of his face.

"Shepard! Look at our ship. Can you believe it? She...she's perfect! I think I'm in love...scratch that, I KNOW I am," he said loudly with an enthusiasm in his voice she had not heard before. They were not exactly friends, but they were familiar with the other's work.

They had met a few years back on the Station. Shepard was assigned to a frigate he was piloting for an N7 op. They were both elite soldiers in their respective areas which gave way to an unspoken bond between them. She was relieved to see another familiar face, and knew the ship was in good hands with his talent. He was happy to know there was at least one person on board who could stand to be near him for more than twenty minutes at a time.

"She is beautiful," Shepard agreed with a smile.

"Good to see you aboard, Commander," he replied.

"We are in good hands with you at the helm, Joker. Don't disappoint," she said with a playful firmness.

"Aye, aye, Commander," he said as the chair slowly turned back around.

A long corridor stretched out before her when she turned around. There were several stations on each side equipped with various interfaces related to communications, exploration, defense systems, and other ship related operations.

Burnt orange hues radiated from the monitors. There were lights and buttons in every direction. The marines manning the units turned to salute the two officers as they past. She made a point of looking each one in the eye and offering a nod of approval for their service.

The walkway opened up into the Combat Information Center. There was a giant translucent map of the galaxy in the middle. The familiar arms and colors of the Milky Way spun out from its axis. At the other end was Captain Anderson's private terminal. She could already picture him standing there. Small consoles surrounded the map.

On the outer sides of the walkway were more stations, buttons, lights, and combat systems. Just beyond that, stairways curving downward cut into the wall. There were a handful of crewmen and other technicians littering the room going over systems' checks and whatnot. They all turned to salute the ship's captain and executive officer when they entered.

"At ease everyone," Anderson said with authority dripping from his voice. "For those who don't know her, this is Lieutenant Commander Shepard. Make her feel welcome, would you?"

The crowd gave a loud "Yes, sir!" in unison as they attempted to return to their duties. She noticed that they would take turns studying her as they worked. She recognized that she was doing the same thing to them and decided to let it go.

"Pressly," Anderson said, "Have you met the Commander?" His hand had motioned over to her without a thought.

"We haven't officially met, no, but I know of you ma'am... Who doesn't?" he asked not expecting an answer. Looking towards her, he continued "We were both involved with the Blitz on Elysium," he said as his eyes twinkled with pride. "It will be an honor to work with you ma'am."

"You too, Pressly," Shepard said smiling as she reached out her hand to shake his. He took it with a firm grasp with his eyes steady upon her. He was a little younger than Anderson, but the lines around his eyes made him look older. He was of average height with a mostly bald head that made him look even older. His skills as a navigator in the Alliance did not go unnoticed and caught Anderson's attention during the selection process.

"How is everything going," the captain asked extending the question to the entire deck. "Any problems or concerns that need my attention?" he asked. He looked around patiently looking for a hint of anything out of the ordinary.

Everyone smiled and continued with their tasks. After a few seconds of silence, he took that as a no and said, "Well carry on then. I will be showing the Commander the rest of the ship if anything comes up."

"Will do, Captain," Pressly said before turning his attention back to his station.

Before the two marines hit the stairs, Anderson motioned towards a door and explained that it led to the communications room. "You can explore that one on your own, Commander. It's pretty self-explanatory," he said as he took the lead down the stairs.

The top of his dark blue hat bobbed with every step. It had been awhile since she had seen him without a hat. For a brief second, she pictured him bald, but shuddered at the image before clearing it out of her mind.

"He could pull it off, though," she thought.

As they reached the bottom of the stairwell, two marines shot to attention upon their recognition. "At ease," Anderson said. The two pairs exchanged salutes before the lower ranking officers scurried off. A partitioned wall stood bare after their departure. They rounded the bulkhead only to find more of the crew snapping to attention.

"Well this is getting old," she thought to herself. She was not one for repetition.

The mess hall opened out into the center of the deck. There was a long table surrounded by chairs that sat under a dim light fixture. The galley was not visible from their vantage point, but Shepard heard the all too familiar beep of the nutrition dispenser as an unseen soldier received their lunch rations. Immediately to its right were the footlockers, beyond those, the sleeper pods.

Anderson repeated a previous question, "Have you met the Commander?" It was directed at everyone within earshot.

"I have," a shy, soft spoken voice answered from the other side of the table. "Umm, I, uh accidentally spilled a drink on her at Max's Cantina a few months back," she admitted with both pride and shame on her face.

She was a bit short for a marine. Her soft hazel eyes peaked out through light brown bangs. "I was so excited to say 'Hello' that I tripped over my own feet," she explained. "I'm not usually so clumsy, ma'am," she added looking down at her feet in disapproval.

"Yeah, I remember that," Shepard said with a smile and a surprising laugh. It eased the young corporal's mind. "Let's try to keep everyone dry on this tour, shall we?" she asked lifting her brow as she spoke.

"Aye, aye, Commander," she said softly as she settled back down into her seat following an unreturned salute.

Pointing to a room across the deck, Anderson said, "My quarters are over there. It'll be nice being close to the crew." He was clearly used to more separation between himself and his subordinates. She tried to discern his tone. Did he really approve, or was he trying to make the best of things? She could not tell.

"Stash your bag in one of those lockers and we'll continue the tour," he said as he pointed towards the row of footlockers to their right.

She stuffed her oversized duffle in the locker. She hoped her guns would be okay with the tight squeeze until she could secure them properly. Her fish box made a gurgling sound as the water went swirling around.

"It's just temporary," she said, assuring the fish that she would be back soon. She would find a permanent place for him out of the way as soon as she got a chance.

Anderson rolled his eyes at her. He could not understand her fascination with fish. If it had been anyone else, he would have thrown the thing out the airlock. He sighed as the soft spot he had for her brought him a tiny bit of discomfort.

"Come on," he said, waving at her to follow his command. They walked through the door to the infirmary. Doctor Chakwas instantly greeted them with the warmness only a caregiver possessed. Her white hair shimmered under the artificial lights of the med-bay.

There was a medi-gel dispenser on the wall to their right. The clear windows on the left gave her a view of the mess hall. Several exam tables blended into the white sterile room. The smell of antiseptic flooded her nose.

"It will never be this clean again," Shepard said aloud to herself.

"Doctor, this is Lieutenant Commander Shepard," Anderson said ignoring her obvious statement.

"Welcome aboard, Commander," Chakwas said with a slight accent that she could not place. Earth accents were not her strong suit. "I have heard so much about you, Commander. I look forward to finding out how much of it is true," she admitted with a coy smile.

"Only the good parts are, I hope," Shepard replied with a half smile. The thought of all the rumors surrounding her began flooding her brain. "What had she heard?" she thought with hesitant curiosity. Once again her notoriety betrayed her.

Her thoughts jumped back to her encounter with Kaidan. She was relieved he had not recognized her and gained comfort in the idea that not everyone knew who she was. "Where the hell did that come from?" she wondered. Shaking off thoughts of the rest of their encounter, she smiled as Anderson and Chakwas made small talk.

After they exchanged pleasantries and left the infirmary, Anderson pointed her towards the head. She freshened up before exploring the small room. There were three shower heads on the wall. A small drop fell from one. She wondered if someone was aware of the leak.

The toilets were opposite from the sink she was standing over. She had been in the service far to long to notice the lack of privacy they offered. It was hard to be modest when the person sitting next to you could have their hands in your chest cavity saving your life on the next op.

The two war torn soldiers reunited and caught the elevator from the Quarters down to Engineering. An acquisitions officer saluted before returning to his post. The heavy armored Mako sat to the right, its six wheels locked in place by steel blocks.

"Blue? Not exactly the best color for stealth," she said, causing Anderson to laugh.

"Its armor should be enough for anything they throw at you Elle," he said. He laughed again after realizing how informal he had just been.

They journeyed down the hallway leading to the drive core. The blue mass effect field surrounding the engine tickled her nose. It gave off a low pitched hum that was almost undetectable. She took in the sights as he began discussing its details with the head engineer.

She was not very good with the techno-babble associated with it. She did not care why things worked, just how she could use them to her advantage. Engineer Adams had saluted before informing the captain that there was nothing to report.

After polite introductions with the engineering team, the tour ended with a return to the Quarters. Anderson told her to get to know the crew before retiring to his cabin to tackle a ton of red tape.

She retrieved Alexander, hoping he would be a good ice breaker, before she began mingling with her new shipmates. She had been informed that the remaining third of the crew were due to report tomorrow. The Normandy's shake down run would commence in four days. She smiled with anticipation.


	9. An awkward reunion

"How did you sleep?" Anderson asked. He was sitting across from her at the mess table. He had a bowl of what appeared to be oatmeal and a small glass of red tinted juice. It looked much more appetizing than what she had on her plate. She contemplated asking to switch, but did not after realizing how that would look to the crew.

"It'll take some breaking in," she said as she rubbed her back and stretched her neck. "But I've had worse. How about you Captain? I bet the bed was so soft you couldn't get comfortable," she snickered.

"Ha, how did you know?"

"Lucky guess!" she said with a crooked smile.

Joker just sat there in silence. She was a bit worried that he had not said a word. It was very uncharacteristic of the loudmouth. The truth was that he was in awe of their relationship and of the Captain.

He already knew Shepard, so her presence did not phase him. Anderson, on the other hand, was a legend. He wondered, jealously, as to how she had gotten to know him so well. They were both N7s, but it seemed to run much deeper than that.

Regardless of the answer, he knew he was way out of his league just sitting at the table. He had decided to take in the moment in silence.

Shepard thought about nudging him to make sure he was still breathing, but did not want to risk breaking a rib. His diseased ridden body slumped in his chair. Brittle bone disease nearly made him into fragile glass. He walked with a limp and was often times assisted with crutches.

His hardened persona was a reaction to years of delicate handling. He refused to feel sorry for himself and did not appreciate it when others did. He hated to be thought of as a cripple.

His condition was part of the reason why flying was so important to him. When he was in the pilots' chair, he was strong and powerful. His ship was an extension of his body in the way that Shepard's guns were to hers. Nobody could rival his skills in the air.

After breakfast, the crew continued with their prelaunch duties. The dry dock crew slowly thinned as the body count on board grew smaller.

Shepard took some time to memorize some of the names on the duty roster:

_Lieutenant Adams, G.-engineering_

_Staff Lieutenant Alenko, K.-marine detail commander_

_Captain Anderson, D.-everywhere_

_Chief Medical Officer Dr. Chakwas, K.-med-bay_

_Private Fredricks, D.-marine rotation_

_Corporal Jenkins, R.-marine rotation_

_Flight Lieutenant Moreau, J.-cockpit_

_Chief Navigator Pressly, P.-CIC._

_Lieutenant Commander Shepard, E.-Executive Officer_

Alenko, Fredricks, and Jenkins had yet to board, but she memorized their names anyway. As part of her marine team, they would soon be her brothers once they engaged in their first firefight.

She did not yet have access to personnel files so the lost was all she had to go on at the time. Instead, she was relegated to asking everyone the personal details of their service history as she made the rounds.

Most of the soldiers worked through lunch so they would have more time in the evening to get to know the rest of the crew. The remaining third were due to come aboard at 1300 hours.

Skipping lunch was usually not tolerated, but this was an exception. Anderson had granted leniency for the infraction. He had also arrange for the crew to have Liberty that evening. He always was a stickler for camaraderie, and he wanted everyone to get to know each other a little bit before launch.

A few marines were gathered around a small window on the port side when she walked by. "What's going on?" she asked.

"The rest of the crew is lining up on the docking bay platform," one of them answered adding a soft "ma'am" after he registered who had asked.

Just then, Joker's voice flooded her personal comm frequency. "Shepard, Captain wants you on the Command deck," he said, relaying the message.

"On my way, Joker," she answered heading up the stairs. She assumed correctly that he wanted her to accompany him when he met the remaining third.

"Let's go meet the rest of our crew, shall we?" Anderson said with a wink once she arrived. They made there way to the airlock. The doors slammed shut and the shrill VI began decontamination procedures.

She was right; this was already getting old. When the doors opened, the bright lights of the station poured into her pupils. She squinted in pain. She much preferred the darker lights of ship.

"Oh my god," he thought as he froze in terror. "How? Why? What is she doing here?" he questioned as his mind seized in confusion. Kaidan had to force his legs not to flee when Anderson introduced her as the Executive Officer. He tried to keep his eyes forward as he stood at attention. His palms were sweaty, and he felt his heart begin to race.

Had she seen him? Did she know he was joining the ship? His brain refused to relax. "I just slept with my commanding officer," he thought, "Forget about regs, my career is over."

His face began to feel hot at the thought of their night together. "No! No, two nights ago she was not my XO. We were just two marines on shore leave...It's in the past," he reasoned as he attempted to cool his blood and lower his heart rate.

Nothing that Anderson said made any sense to him. He might as well have been speaking untranslatable dribble. Sweat began to pour from Kaidan's brow. His head began to pound. He could not distinguish it from one of the frequent migraines he suffered from, but he hoped it was a brain aneurism instead.

"That would get me out of this mess," he thought. "Oh god no, she's coming this way," his brain screamed. He returned his brown eyes to the front in an attempt to pretend that he had not yet seen her.

"Oh shit," she thought to herself as soon as her eyes focused on his beautifully constructed frame. His eyes were forward. "Perhaps he hasn't seen me yet," she hoped.

Just then his eyes turned to meet hers. The terror in their eyes said more than words ever could. At least they were still on the same page...the same terrible page.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" is all her brain could think to say. "This is why there are regulations against fraternization; so that you don't sleep with the officer below you, or above you, or right next to you!"

Such things lead to complications at the least and death at the worst. She knew the regs and the reasons for them, but that did not stop images of Kaidan's perfectly sculpted body from dancing in her head. First he was under her, then over her, then right next to her. Her heart fluttered at the thought.

"Keep it together, Shepard," she thought. "This is why I shouldn't date marines," she huffed, disappointment filling her soul.

His eyes had wander back over to her at that moment. He could see the look of humiliation on her face. It only flashed for a second, and thankfully, nobody but him noticed. It saddened him at the thought that he was the reason for her internal torment. That is when he decided never to bring up their past.

His trip back from the Citadel was filled with thoughts of her. Of course, he had entertained the idea of dating Shepard. She was THE Shepard: Badass of the Blitz, and now, XO of the Normandy.

He imagined how things would go if he ever saw her again. None of them were as awkward as reality.

"If only I had known, I could have given myself a lobotomy or cut off my arm in order to receive a medical discharge. At least that would have been more pleasant," he thought. Yeah, he never wanted to bring up that night.

Just then, Anderson turned to her for a few words. She was unprepared for a speech. Even if she had had time to write one, her brain was so short circuited that the delivery would have screwed it up anyway. Fumbling through lines of generic speeches she had heard over the years, she made it through.

The crew probably should have laugh her off the ship for this monstrosity. Luckily, they were all too scared, or too excited, to comment on her lackluster first impression. Maybe her reputation was good for something after all.

The crowd that had rushed her after being put at ease, offered a reprieve from her thoughts. They all wanted to be the first to welcome her aboard. No one seemed to realize that she had already spent the night.

She was relieved that Kaidan walked by instead of joining the circle of marines. She wanted him to, but knew she would not be able to concentrate if he had.

Afterwards, they slowly trickled onto the ship in pairs. Anderson led the charge. Shepard brought up the rear.

Corporal Richard Jenkins was lucky enough to accompany her through the decontamination process. His eyes were huge due to his excitement of meeting an N7, and he had not shut his mouth since. She was certain that any minute he would pass out due to a lack of oxygen.

He was a young, eager marine always ready to follow orders. Serving with Shepard was a dream come true for him, and he understood what a privilege it was. For the next two weeks, he would follow her around like a puppy begging for any morsel of knowledge she would toss his way.

She walked through the corridor on the bridge towards the CIC. Several of the new arrivals were being shown their duty stations. All eyes followed her as she walked by their consoles, everyone's eyes but Kaidan's of course. If anyone had bothered to notice him, they would have immediately picked up on the awkward tension between them.

Shepard walked by but refused to let her eyes wander over him. All she could think of doing was jumping into his arms and planting a big wet kiss on his lips. "That sure as hell would get us thrown off the boat," she thought, not willing to take the chance.

"How about we take our new arrivals on a trip around the station, Joker?" she overheard Anderson say.

"Hell yeah!" he said before correcting his unfiltered outburst, "I mean, yes sir."

Anderson smiled at his enthusiasm before making an announcement through the comms. She was tempted to grab lunch with the thirty minutes she had to spare while the crew ran prelaunch checks. She decided not to after remembering Joker's reputation.

He was a great pilot, but this was a fun-run and she refused to risk it. The rations were unappetizing going down, she shuttered at the thought of how they would be coming up.

She made her way down the stairs to the Quarters. There was a small line leading into the med-bay where a few marines were waiting to grab some medi-gel packs. Others were there waiting to talk to the doctor about relevant medical conditions.

She headed towards the lounge before changing her mind mid stride and heading for the elevator to the weapons cache.

Two female marines stood by the elevator door. They had their duffles slung over their shoulders and their weapons tied to their backs. After pleasantries, the door slid open. They let her enter first. She refused at first, but they insisted.

Two more marines hollered for them to hold the elevator as they rounded the corner. One was Jenkins. He smiled with delight at the thought of having her trapped with nowhere to run for a minute or two. The other was Kaidan. Her heart skipped when their eyes met.

"Commander," Kaidan said with a nod of respect. So what if she was the XO? They had one passionate night on the Citadel and that was the end of it. She was now his superior and he would respect the chain of command. Besides, as she stood there in front of him, he began to entertain the idea that it had all been a dream.

"Lieutenant Alenko," she replied. She read the last name on his uniform and remembered his rank from the duty roster. They were both relieved that they had gotten their first words out of the way. She admired him for being first to the punch. Now, if only she could do something about her heart spazzing out at the thought of him.

The two female marines giggled as he stepped into the elevator. Their high pitched laughs punctured her eardrums. She did not like the way they were eyeing him. "If I can't fraternize, neither can they," she thought, surprised at her jealousy.

He failed to notice them. He was too focused on trying not to ravish her right then and there. He felt his cheeks turn red just as the door slammed shut. Thankful that nobody had seen him, he took a deep breath and sighed.

Jenkins had managed to squeezed past the three of them and was now standing to her left. She smiled at him as he began talking about one of her heroic deeds he had seen on a vid.

Kaidan stood directly in front of her. She could feel the warmth radiating from his back. His scent weaved its way through the air towards her. She had spent an eternity kissing his neck less than forty-eight hours ago. She resisted the urge to wrap her arms around him and rest her chin on his shoulder. But just barely.

"Dammit, get a hold of yourself, Commander," she thought to herself with distain just as the door opened. They fanned out onto the Engineering and Storage deck. The new arrivals were there to check things out and secure their weapons.

She walked over to the gun lockup and took out her assault rifle. Cleaning it always calmed her nerves. She broke it down without even thinking. After carefully examining each piece meticulously, she slowly reassembled it. She did this three more times oblivious to the world before she felt the eyes on her.

She slowly looked up to see the crowd gathered around her. Had she said something stupid? Did she put it together wrong and the minions came out to rub it in her face? She finally realized that they were staring because she was Shepard. She should have been used to the scrutiny by now.

They were just trying to learn something from her or find something they could brag about to their friends. "I saw Shepard assemble an assault rifle in under five seconds upside down and backwards," she thought sarcastically.

The only face that stood out was Kaidan's. Everyone was looking at the gun, he was looking at her. She knew at that moment that they would have to talk about their previous encounter. It was the only way to get passed it, but that was not a conversation she would look forward to having.

It was hard enough saying his name in the elevator without wanted to jump down the shaft to her death. How would she talk to him about their night? How would she do it on a highly advanced ship with a crew that gave no illusions of privacy? She sighed in frustration. Nobody noticed.

Joker's voice bellowed throughout the ship as he made a quick announcement over the comms system. "Sixty seconds till takeoff." The excitement he had earlier was replaced with his trademark stoicism. The message sent the crew scurrying towards the nearest window in anticipation of the voyage.

She carefully put away her gun. She was glad that she was no longer the center of attention. After she shook off the image of herself in a cage like an animal at a zoo, she scurried along herself.

She piled into the over crowded elevator then took the stairs to the Command deck. When she got to the cockpit, Anderson was standing behind Joker with his arms crossed at his chest. They both grinned wildly as the ship took flight.

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><p>AN: I hope you enjoyed the awkward reunion. More overly excited Jenkins and an elevator kiss to come! Thanks for reading! We're almost to ME1!


	10. Little Fish, Big Name

A/N: Aww poor Jenkins. Writing him is starting to make me feel attached. Okay, one awkward elevator kiss coming up. 

**WARNING: flashback scene to the Krogan is short but a bit gory. **

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><p>Shepard was assigned to the first group to take Liberty that evening. She bought the group a round of drinks at the closest bar before hurrying back to the ship. She had already said her goodbye's to Arcturus and wanted to explore more of the Normandy before take off.<p>

The groups were arranged randomly and she was a bit sad, to her confusion, when Kaidan was assigned to another. At least she did not have to put up with Jenkins. She was sure he was a good soldier and a nice person, but like Joker, he was best in small doses.

Anderson noticed that she was back early when she entered onto the Command deck. He was a little disappointed that she had not stayed out longer with the crew, but understood her frustration with crowds over the past three years. After all this time, she was still not used to the attention she garnered. He did not miss the days after the First Contact War when his novelty drew the same reaction. "It'll pass," he thought as he made a mental note to relay the message to her the next time they spoke.

Later that evening, she went into the port side lounge to check on her fish. She had made a place for him on a shelf next to some playing cards. The room was packed full of shipmates exchanging introductions. "Great, more crowds," she thought slightly irritated. The ones on the Citadel had filled her quota for the year. She mustered a fake smile at the salutes as she continued towards Alexander.

He was a beautiful emerald green with fins that fanned out in all directions. There was a darker green mixed in that added texture and depth to his scale covered body. His small black eyes stared at her through the glass. An air bubble escaped from his tiny fish lips. He was already two years old and she was not sure of his life expectancy. The thought of a fish funeral made her laugh internally. Even she did not understand her fascination with fish.

"He's beautiful," a kind deep voice said to her from behind. "What's his name?"

She turned around to see who had spoke before answering, "Alexander the Great. He's a little fish so I thought he needed a big name."

"I always had fish growing up. It was the only thing I could keep a live," he admitted with a slight chuckle. The man standing before her towered over everyone in the room. "Petty Officer Greico, Command deck technician, ma'am," he said with a salute. He was one of the late third to come aboard and they had not yet met.

"I'm afraid to ask, but you don't handle the life support systems, do you?" she said flashing him a smile.

"No ma'am, scouting systems," he assured her.

"Good to know, Greico, good to know," she said turning her attention back to Alexander. She pushed the button for the food dispenser and watched as he attacked the flakes that were released. "So, what's your story?" she asked him without looking.

"I'm a colony kid, ma'am. I grew up on a farm, but never had the knack for it. I was only allowed to keep the fish." He laughed again under his breathe. "I got out of there as quickly as possible. The Alliance was my ticket out and I repay her any way I can."

"I hear that, Greico," she said turning to face him. His dark brown skin soaked up the ship's light. He had dark brown eyes that stood out on the whites. "So, how do you like the Normandy?" she asked momentarily distracted by his straight white teeth.

"It's an honor to serve abroad a ship so advanced, and an even bigger honor serving under you and Captain Anderson," his voice lowered in response to his feelings of inadequacy.

"You'll do great," she said.

She scanned the room and her blood pressure skyrocketed when she saw Kaidan in the crowd. "When the hell did he get here?" she thought. Two of the marines that she had bought drinks for earlier made their way into their conversation.

She floated in and out of her thoughts struggling to pay attention to their words. Fish. Colonies. Kaidan. Drive Core. Guns. Lips. Guns. Yes, guns. Back to her guns. They fixed everything.

She excused herself from the conversation and headed for the elevator, refusing to make eye contact with Kaidan on her way out. She pushed the call button and waited. She felt the heat coming off his body before she saw him. He had walked up next to her without making a sound.

They stood there in a peaceful silence as the elevator landed. The door opened and a man stepped off as he let out a quiet "ma'am". In unison they entered the lift. The door closed. They were the only ones inside.

Shepard quickly brought up her omni-tool. The dark orange hue painted the metallic walls. She had stopped the elevator in between decks. He was momentarily puzzled by the security breach. This faded to admiration of her hacking skills when his temperature rose. A low annoying beep echoed off the orange tinted walls. The VI implored them to stay calm as diagnostics were performed. She smiled wickedly.

"We need to talk, Kaidan," she said lowering her arm and turning to face him.

"Yeah," he said. It was the only thing he could manage to say. He looked into her eyes before grabbing her by the waist and pulling her in for a deep kiss that left them both breathless. She could not resist. Her better judgement was overruled by her endocrine system. Her resistance was vetoed by his velvet lips.

After they regained their composure she pushed him away before saying, "We can't do that again." The sadness in her voice made his heart sink. "I am your commanding officer. We don't know each other and I am not willing to risk our careers on hormones and lust. Regs are there for a reason and I won't break the rules for selfish gains...There is just too much at stake for me."

She shook her head in disgust of her feelings. "Shepard's are cool and collected, not hot and bothered," she said mostly to herself.

He agreed with everything she said. "We are on the same page. The past should stay in the past. It's just that when I saw you...I...I don't know...I just wasn't expecting to see you again. Not so soon anyway. And not as my new XO," he said as his eyes fell to the floor in shame at taking her in his arms. "It...it was a momentary laps of judgment and it won't happen again, Commander."

They stood there in silence for a minute.

"Can we start over? Clean slate? Just a Lieutenant Commander and her Staff Lieutenant working together on the most advanced warship in the Alliance?" she asked with a directness only a natural leader could pull off.

"I mean, it's not like we are in love. It was just one drunken night on shore leave," she said attempting to lessen the validity of their experience.

"I'd like that," he said smiling. He raised an eyebrow and added a sly "ma'am".

She sighed in relief and began to release the elevator. "That could have went a lot worse," she said quietly. He nodded in agreement. With that, all the awkward tension melted away. They remained in silence until the elevator door opened up onto the Storage deck. There was a line waiting on the other side.

"Someone's getting fired," she joked to the crew standing around. "Joker, have someone check the elevator. Alenko and I were just trapped inside," she said to the pilot through her comms.

"Yeah, we lost video and audio on you too. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll locate all the bugs, Commander," he replied.

"What are you trying to say, Joker?"

"Oh you know...'Commander Shepard expects nothing less than perfection,'" he chided in a mocking voice.

"That vid was taken out of context," she said unamused. "Commander Shepard expects nothing less than perfection FROM HERSELF. I can't expect others to live up to my impossible standards, Joker. I just expect them to give it their best," she said with confidence and understanding.

"Whatever you say, Commander," he said as the comms dropped off.

She rolled her eyes as she made her way to the weapons' locker. Kaidan followed a step behind. She took out her pistol and began her rhythmic routine. The two marines talked shop about weapons' upgrades and biotic amp interfaces. The tone was comfortable and respectful.

They were both thankful that the awkwardness had dissipated. Several crewmen came and went, joining the conversation in an attempt to get to know their new XO. Most got bored of soldier talk pretty quickly and meandered off in search of something more exciting.

After about an hour, Jenkins came down in search of her wisdom. He had just gotten back from Liberty and smelled of alcohol and sweat.

"Did you really kill a Krogan on your last op in the Local Cluster?" he asked, his eyes wide with utter amazement.

"It was me or him, Jenkins. I had no choice," she said, cringing at the image burnt onto her memory.

The reminder of her rifle blowing a hole through his giant head went spinning through her mind. The mist painted the wall behind him with blood and other particulates as the bullet punched through the back of his skull. The crackle echoed in the small room.

After he hit the ground, his dark orange blood went oozing out of the orifice taking bits of brain matter and tissue with it. The liquid also trickled out of his mouth, nose and ear. She watched as a river of death formed on the ground at her feet.

"It took me weeks to get the blood off my boots," she said nonchalantly after describing the gory details. Her forwardness shocked everyone within earshot. She secretly enjoyed freaking people out, and it brought her much pleasure to see the eyes of her subordinates nearly pop out of their skulls.

"Where did you hear that from, marine?" she asked with a hint of surprise in her voice.

"Some guy in the bar said that he witnessed it," he answered. "Thanks, Commander! You just won me fifty credits from Corporal Lowe."

She shook her head and said with delight, "I wouldn't bet against me!"

"Neither would I," Kaidan chimed in without thinking or looking up from his gun.

"But I would be more careful with whom you trust, Jenkins. Samson was the only witness and he's been dead for over a year," she said with sadness in her eyes. "Unless the dead have risen, you've been had."

"Yes, ma'am," the young corporal said with a quick salute before hurrying off to collect his prize.

"I have to get to bed," she said excusing herself from the group that had formed around the weapons' table. She took the elevator back up to the Quarters. After checking on Alexander and hitting the head, she hopped into her bunk.

The cushions were still stiff. It would take a few months before they were broken in. She was so glad that she did not have to hot bunk in the sleeper pods that she would have happily slept on the hard metal cot without them. The conversation she had with Kaidan repeated on a loop in her head as she drifted off to sleep.


	11. Threes

A/N: Okay, I think this is where the story starts to pick up a bit. We are heading to Eden Prime and are about to get into ME1. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>The next few days were spent getting used to the ship and its occupants. She took notice of the weaknesses and strengths of the crew making mental notes of what buttons she could push and how far she could take them.<p>

She was always good at motivating people and recognizing which tactics would work on which individuals. Some people responded better to friendship, others to foes. Her adaptability made it easy for her to switch between roles when the necessity arose.

She reveled in her mastery of it. Fear. Hate. Lust. Regret. These were all emotions she picked up on and filed away in the vault of her consciousness until they were needed.

It was another one of the many things that came naturally to her; studying people, tearing them apart, and making them stronger once she had put the pieces back together. To her, it was a game she always had to win. To everyone else, it was what made her the leader they respected.

She was down working her magic on the engineering team when Pressly messaged her comm. "Anderson wants you in the comm room immediately, Commander." His voice was firm, and he signed off without waiting for a reply. She hurried to the Command deck.

"Come in, Command," Anderson said when he saw her enter the room. "This is Spectre Nihlis Kryik. He will be joining us on our shakedown run."

"A Spectre?" she questioned with a slightly confused look on her face.

"This ship is of Turian-Human construction. The Council has a political interest in her success," Nihlis said aware of her surprise.

The mandibles surrounding his mouth reminded her of an insect as they twitched nervously. There were hard feather-like protrusions jetting horizontally out from the top of his skull.

He had white markings on his dark colored face that reminded her of the bones of a skeleton. It was a curious Turian custom to have colonial face tattoos. The light color of his small beady eyes stood out in the darkness.

"We are set to depart the Station in two hours," Anderson said breaking an awkward silence. "Pressly will get you up to speed on our first mission, Commander. He is waiting for you at his terminal. Nihlis and I have some mission details to go over. You are dismissed."

She was taken aback by his formalness. Upon further review, she attributed it to him wanting to look strong in front of a Spectre. She could not blame him for that. "The Council could have sent a bureaucrat to oversee the shakedown," she thought, still puzzled. A Spectre seemed like overkill. "There must be more to this mission," she mused.

"Give me the update, Pressly," a hint of confusion lingered in her voice.

"We are heading to Eden Prime to check out a recently discovered Prothean artifact. Your marine team will do the honors," he explained. "Mission details have been sent to your datapad. I have sent the latest information on the area to the comm room. Anderson wants you to brief your team when he is done with it."

"Thanks, Pressly. Anything else?" she asked inspecting his uneasy face.

"No, ma'am," he said as he returned to his duties. She decided to let it go. His expression was one she was not interested in exploring further at the moment. Instead, she filed it away for later.

She used her comms to order Kaidan, Jenkins, and Fredricks to the bridge. They were all in the mess having lunch with Joker. He had already informed them of their next destination and Jenkins was regaling them with stories of growing up on the colony world.

His first op with an N7 would take place on familiar soil. He was nervous at the thought of showcasing his skills but was calmed by the fact that he would have home field advantage.

After disposing of their trays, they made their way to the bridge. Shepard was standing in the CIC studying the galaxy map when they approached. She looked very natural overlooking the Command deck.

Joker entered a few minutes after them on his way to the cockpit. He hobbled past them just as the three men saw Nihlis exit the comm room followed by Anderson.

Noticing the same bewilderment on their face that she had upon seeing him, she whispered, "He'll be joining us on our shakedown run." She waited for that to sink in before continuing, "Oh, and by the way, he's also a Council Spectre."

The group of marines spun around to face her; their jaws were dragging the floor. "Try not to get drool on the consoles, boys," she said walking to the comm room. "One is worth more than all three of you make in a year."

She spun around when she got to the door. All three men were standing in the same spot she had left them trying to make sense of the information that was just presented.

"COMM ROOM! ON THE DOUBLE MARINES!" she yelled.

The whole Command deck turned to watch them as they waisted no time following the order. "Alenko, you can get his number later," she said in a rather humiliating tone so all could hear.

Kaidan was shocked at the fire that rang out from between her lips. It was the first time he heard her raise her voice, but it was far from the last. The hair on the back of his neck stood up in terror.

At the same time, he was aroused by the forcefulness in which she spoke. If anyone had noticed the spark between them, her tone would have squashed the idea of them together, or it could have exacerbate it.

"Maybe she doth protest too much?" he thought. He immediately felt guilty for thinking that she was anything less than professional. Of course, she expected more from him. He out ranked the other two by a mile.

Like a dog with his tail between his legs, he marched to the room. He could hear whispers from the crew outside as the door slammed shut. Everyone else resumed their duties.

"Jenkins, you're from Eden Prime, yes?" she asked the still very stunned corporal.

"Sir, yes, sir," he answered. He was stiff at attention even though she had not giving him the order. She giggled internally at the young marine. She loved freaking people out.

"Stand down, marine," she said in a gentle reassuring voice. "Are you familiar with this area?" she said, pointing to a map of the drop zone that she had brought up on one of the comm screens.

"No, ma'am," he said slightly relaxing his shoulders in response to her altered mood. "I grew up about three hundred miles south of that location, but the fauna looks very similar."

"Is there anything relevant I should know about the planet that I won't find in this mission brief?" she asked holding up a datapad. "Any unusual dangers or, I don't know, snakes or something."

"Uh, no, nothing I can think of, ma'am," he said. His face was a little weary as he attempted to make sure nothing massive had skipped him mind.

Kaidan had scrunched up his face at her comment about the snakes. "Was she afraid of them?" he wondered. He could not imagine that she had a fear of anything. He had yet to see her in a firefight, but anyone who took on Batarian pirates by themselves while on shore leave had to be one stone cold marine.

Not to mention the N7 she wore on her chest. "The Badass of the Blitz isn't afraid of snakes," he thought to himself. He shook the idea of rescuing her from a venomous bite as she called his name.

"Alenko...is there something you would like to share with the rest of the class?" she said tilting her head slightly as she noticed the face he made.

"No, ma'am, it's just..I don't really like snakes, ma'am," he said as he shivered a bit.

"That makes two of us Lieutenant," she said as she shivered herself. She put her foot on the seat of the closest chair. She eyed him as she rolled up her left pant leg. Her very pale leg contrasted with the dark blue of her fatigues. She pointed to two tiny scars on her outer calf.

"I got tagged by a pit viper when I was ten. It was the first time I had been to Earth and a cousin of mine took me to the woods by his house. I spent most of my life on boats, so that...that was an adventure," she said with a bewildering smile.

"I accidentally stepped on his tail and he swung around a clipped me. I had never even seen a snake in person before, and it scared the shit out of me. Luckily, I received the anti venom in time and lived to fight another day."

"Uh, no venomous snakes, ma'am," Jenkins said softly. The three men looked at her with sympathy.

"I think I would prefer a bullet to a bite," she laughed. "But back to the task at hand. We will be orbiting Eden Prime in four days. I want you all to memorize the maps and aerials that have been sent to your datapads.

"Jenkins and Alenko will be with me on the ground. You will be standing by in the loading bay and will coordinate our extraction," she said looking at Fredricks. Disappointment filled his face when he found out he would not be accompanying her. "Don't worry, you'll get your chance, Private."

"Yes, ma'am," he said clearing his throat.

"We will be investigating a Prothean artifact of some sort. A little tame for a shakedown run, I know, but the life of a marine is full of surprises. We will rebrief tomorrow at 0900."

She paused for a second and said, "If you have questions after going over the information packets, then that would be the time to ask. And for the record, no, I have no more information regarding the Spectre. That's all for now."

Kaidan noticed the hesitation in her eyes when she spoke of a tame op. He dwelled on the word "surprise". He doubted they would send a soldier of her caliber to investigate ancient ruins. And what about this Spectre?

"Did she know more than she was saying?" he wondered. Her heighten skepticism was contagious and his shoulders immediately tensed with the thought. At that moment, a dull ache behind his eyes reared its ugly head. It was the first warning sign of an eminent migraine.

The three men gave her a nod before exiting the room. "Good job, Elliott. Your heart didn't spas out that time," she thought to herself with both pride and shame. She lingered in her thoughts for a few minutes before leaving the room thinking, "Snakes. I hate snakes."

She had lied to them about the encounter. She did not step on it, she kicked it. "A dumb kid kicking snakes, but they didn't need to know that," she reasoned. They would find out soon enough that she had a habit of running towards danger when everyone else was running away.

"Captain wants you in the cockpit for takeoff, Commander," Joker relayed over her comm. "I think the Spectre has him on edge."

"You'd be wise to keep that to yourself, marine," she snapped.

She felt guilty for the outburst. She did not picture Joker as a man to scuttlebutt the Captain. He kept his mouth shut as he heard her sigh over the comms.

"Sorry, Joker. I guess he has me on edge, too," she said as she made her way to the bridge.

"Understood, Commander. That makes three of us."


	12. Six Boots (Black)

A/N: We are now getting into the first game. When I started this story, I had no idea it would take me 11 chapters to get here. I hope that the story is, at the least, mildly entertaining! I'm having a lot of fun writing it! So here we go!

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><p>Shepard was still reeling from the revelation that she was being considered for a Council Spectre appointment. Anderson and Nihlis broke the news to her a few minutes before when they came clean about the mission also being her interview.<p>

She was the Badass of the Blitz, Star of Terra recipient, N7 graduate, and XO of the most advanced warship in existence. But being the first Human Spectre? That...she could not believe. She had hoped to keep it a secret until it was official, or she was denied, but scuttlebutt was fast. Especially so, on a small frigate.

She buckled the last latch on her boots before grabbing her helmet. Dr. Chakwas was returning from the galley with a cup of coffee in her hand as she stood up from the bench.

"Hello, Commander," she said with a soft voice. "Or should I say Spectre Shepard?"

"Wow, that was fast," she said as she looked the white haired doctor in the eyes. "And it's still Commander Shepard."

"Understood, Commander, but I'm sure it will be Spectre soon," Dr. Chakwas replied before giving a respectful nod, sipping her coffee, and walking away.

Every eye in the cargo hold was on her as she stepped off the elevator. The red stripes on her N7 armor glistened under the artificial lights. Her boots pounded the metal floor with a loud clap under every step. The guns strapped to her back balanced the warm smile on her face.

Her curves were both accentuated and softened by the hard shell she was wearing. The armor fit her perfectly, and she wore it with an incredible sense of honor. The N7 emblem left no doubt that she was a highly trained killing machine, but her eyes conveyed the reality that she only used her talents for good.

"Damn, she looks sexy," Kaidan thought to himself as his mouth went dry. He made a quick look around afterwards to make sure he had not said it out loud. He tried to swallow, but the lump in his throat prevented the action. Images of their encounter on the Citadel flashed in his head, causing a bead of sweat to roll down from his forehead. He lifted an arm to wipe it away. The movement got her attention, and she shot him a quick look. If it had been any longer, his knees may have buckled.

"Damn, she looks awesome," Jenkins thought to himself as his eyes lite up. His hero had just walked in, and he was determined to prove himself to her. Eden Prime was his home and he wanted to both defend it and impress her. One day he hoped to have an N on his record, even if it was only followed by the number one. He stiffened his lip as he tightened the gripped on his gun. It was a bad attempt at quelling his anxiety.

"Damn, she makes me proud," thought Anderson with a sparkle in his eye. For a moment he felt guilty that he was the one standing there in admiration and not her father. He was sure the elder Elliott would have been happy to know that someone he was close to was holding his place. Her talents were unmistakable, and her dedication to the Alliance was unwavering. Yes, he quite liked the idea of having a protégé, but she made it way too easy for him.

After she had retrieved her guns, the marine team watched as Nihlis jumped off the ship and onto Eden Prime. He would be scouting ahead while Shepard's team followed behind.

The reports of Geth in the area and the reaper that appeared on the comm screens when they hit atmo made everyone apprehensive. She was right about a marine's life being full of surprises.

**XoXoX**

_Six boots hit the ground as bags of gas floated by. The Geth drones hit the Corporal and riddled his body with holes. Sadness washed over her but she was able to compartmentalize the mission. Bullets whizzed by them. Saren killed Nihlis as a smuggler napped behind some crates. There were humans altered by spikes and their deformed husks lunged at her._

_Ashley's flamico colored armor flashed in her peripheral. There were bombs, more Geth, and husks. Kaidan inadvertently activated a Prothean beacon. Shepard threw him out of the way as it's images were burned onto her neurons. The visions flashed through he mind. Then, everything went black. She woke up in the infirmary. Six boots had left the ground._

**XoXoX**

The nightmare was still fresh in her mind when she pulled herself out of her bunk the next morning. Every second of the op had replayed that night in her subconscious. The mission on Eden Prime was over, and the Normandy was heading back to the Citadel for debriefing.

She was no stranger to nightmares; she was no stranger to losing marines. But neither of them were easy for her to deal with. She put on her uniform slowly very saddened by the fact that Jenkins would never do it again. Her body was sore, and she winced with each movement. She took it as her punishment.

Afterwards, she made her way to the mess hall and grabbed breakfast from the galley. There was a seat next to Ashley Williams at the table. She wanted to sit at the other end, but thought it would be rude not to try to get to know the Chief. She was going to be a permanent part of her detail, so she might as well get used to her.

Jenkins died on his home planet and Ash had been the only marine left from her squad. It made sense that she would take his place aboard the Normandy, but she did not like the idea. She had nothing against the young Gunnery Chief. It was just that Jenkins had not been buried yet. She had not had time to grieve.

The coffee burned her throat as she swallowed. It was black and steam rose from the mug in her shaky hand. She was not very hungry but forced the rations into her mouth. Her head was buzzing and the sleep deprivation showed under her eyes.

Her back was stiff from the mission causing her to slump in her chair. She kept her eyes down on her tray. The night had been long and cruel and the coffee had yet to take effect. She wanted ten more minutes before the world came crashing in.

Williams attempted to make small talk, but the Commander was not very responsive. She thought it best not to push her luck. Shepard had already yelled at her yesterday as she left the infirmary. Everyone assured her it was not personal. Raw emotions were running high.

Ashley understood completely. She watched her whole squad get wiped out by Saren and the Geth. She was still in shock as the survivor's guilt consumed her.

Minutes later, Kaidan rounded the corner with a tray in hand. She looked up as he entered. It was the only time her eyes left her food. He immediately looked away when their eyes met. Instead of the seat across from her, he took the one at the end of the table.

He felt responsible for putting her in the infirmary. It was he who activated the beacon, and it was he who was pushed out of the way before it downloaded its data to her brain. He hung his head in shame also hurting from the loss of Jenkins. "No way she'd want to be with me now," he thought with a heavy heart.

The table was eerily quiet when Anderson's voice echoed in her ear. "Commander, I want to speak to you in my cabin when you get a chance."

"Yes, sir. I will be right in," she said as she rose from her chair. She pushed her tray over to engineer Waaberi motioning for the subordinate to assume responsibility of it. She received a nod in return.

Shepard was not one to abuse her authority, but she did not want to keep the Captain waiting. And to be honest, she thought she would be sick if she had to look at the grey mound of food any longer.

"You wanted to see me, Sir," she said as the door to the Captain's quarters closed behind her. Anderson was sitting at a small table that was littered with datapads. He had a blue Alliance mug in his hand filled with coffee; black. He was the one who taught her to drink it that way.

"How are you holding up, Elle?" he asked with concern in his voice.

"I'm not gonna lie, I had one hell of a day, Anderson. The night wasn't much better," she admitted. The internal torment spilled from her lips as her shaky voice cracked.

He examined her with a frown as she sat down across from him. He reached out his hand and rested it on the table. She took it with both of hers and was comforted by its warmth, but a tear fell to her cheek anyway.

"Everything is going to be alright," he said as he attempted to consul her.

He was fairly certain that he was the only person who had seen her cry since childhood. The last time was after the Blitz. She had broken down in relief when the skirmish was over. She did not cry often, but when she did, it was usually in his presence.

He gave her a soft place to land when she needed it most. The solace she received from him was vital to her spirit. Around everyone else, she was stone, but Anderson had a way of turning her back into a human being.

"I'm sorry," she said wiping away the anger and guilt ridden tears. "I just, the images, the beacon...it just messed with my head. I, I can't sleep. My brain aches, if that's even possible. I lost Jenkins...Fuck! A Spectre died on my watch!"

"None of it was your fault, Elliott. Hell, there were Geth on the ground. And Saren...I always knew that bastard was trouble. We will warn the Council and then get justice for the men we lost yesterday," he assured her.

He watched her shoulders rise as she inhaled a deep breath. She nodded at his words and stiffened her lip. He was right; there were bigger issues at stake. Her self pity would have to wait.

"I've been thinking...we should hold a small service for Jenkins later today. The crew may not have known him long, but he was still one of us. What do you think, Commander?"

"I think he would appreciate that," she said. "It may give the crew...and me...some closure." He nodded in agreement.

"You feeling better now, Child?" he asked. She gave a warm smile in return. She loved it when he called her that. He had picked it up from her father.

By that time, the tears had evaporated from her sunken cheeks. Her nerves had settle, and she knew she would find away to bring Saren down. Anger was replaced by the need for revenge.

"Good. Well I won't keep you any longer. I know you have reports to file. And try to catch a nap sometime today, would you? You look like hell," he said with a kind smile and a chuckle. "That's bad for morale!"

"Aye, aye, Captain Anderson," she said with a half-assed salute before exiting the room. It made both of them laugh out loud.

She went straight to the head and splashed some cold water on her face to ease the burning. She let out a high pitched squeal as a few drops trickled down her neck. She was glad she was alone.

"Damn, he was right. I do look like hell," she thought as she looked herself over in the mirror. She poked at the dark bags under her eyes. She pulled on her eyelids in an attempted to quell the dull throbbin behind them. The blood vessels were hemorrhaging on the whites and stained them red.

She took the last swig of her black coffee. It was cold and she made a face when the bitterness hit her tastebuds. The mug she had been carrying around was finally empty. It was time for cup two.

* * *

><p>AN 2: The original dream sequence was much shorter and fragmented than this version. After reading it a few times, I felt that it sounded too much like Thane's trances, so I changed it a bit.

I struggled with the crying scene as well. I contemplated taking it out several times. I didn't want it to make her seem weak. In the end, I think it helps to highlight her relationship with Anderson and the profound effect that the beacon had on her.


	13. Turians and Quarians and Krogan, Oh My!

The Council was no help. Sure, they made her a Spectre. And the first human one at that, but Saren was still out there reeking havoc, the Reapers were now on her radar, and she had added three aliens to her crew in less than a week.

Anderson was now sidelined to the bureaucracy and she unwillingly inherited the Normandy. She was crushed that they were no longer working together.

But worst of all, Udina was barking orders at her. So what if he was the ambassador to all of humanity? He was still a weasley prick. Oh how she hated politicians.

She had yet to stop reeling from the lose of Jenkins. Plus, the visions from the beacon were flooding her dreams, and a certain L2 biotic had been following her around like a puppy. Not that she really minded the latter. Regardless, it had been a strange few days.

Being noticed by the Council was a huge honor. Being appointed as a Spectre was an even bigger one; one she felt that she did not quite deserve. She shared her mother's self-deprecating nature. Joker was the first to congratulate her when she returned to the ship.

"So, you received the title of the galaxy's first human Spectre and control of the Normandy in one afternoon? Who'd you have to fuck to get that?" he said as she entered the decontamination room. "If it was a hot chick, I might need her number. Of all the days to be a fly on the wall!"

"Sadly, no one Joker. Which is probably how I managed it in the first place. The Alliance is my lover," she replied dryly.

"I hear that. The Normandy is mine. How pathetic are we, Commander?"

"Very," said Ashley inserting herself into the conservation from over her shoulder.

"Speak for yourself, Chief," she snickered back. "I'm proud of my relationship."

"Aye, aye, ma'am. But I'd be careful not to get in between Joker and his," she replied.

"I don't think anyone could do that, Williams," she joked.

"Damn right," Joker chimed in as they exited the airlock.

"I must be missing something," added Garrus, the newly acquired Turian. Shepard smiled, but the other two ignored him.

Ashley and Garrus made their way to the weapon's locker to stow their gear. Shepard walked over to the galaxy map. She studied it closely. Pressly brought her a datapad which she also looked over intently.

"Prepare to launch, Joker. We have a rogue Spectre to take down," she ordered.

"Where to, Commander?" he asked.

"Artemis Tau. I want to locate the Archeologist and see what she knows. We may need all the help we can get."

"Yes, Commander. ETA 16 hours after launch," he said.

"Thanks, Joker. I'll be in the mess. Let me know when we are cleared for takeoff."

"Aye, aye, Commander," he said in response.

**XoXoX**

Two hours later she was in the infirmary. Dr. Chakwas insisted on a check-up following the mess on Eden Prime. Her legs were hanging off the sides of a cold metal exam table. The doctor was facing her and used her omni-tool to run diagnostics. The orange hue bathed her white hair.

"I feel find, Doc," she said in protest. "Really."

"I am glad you are feeling better, Commander, but we have no way of knowing the long term implications associated with...with whatever it is that happened down there," she said with concern. "Captain Anderson also mentioned you were having trouble sleeping..."

She grunted and rolled her eyes. Her protest turned to acceptance. "Fine, if you must. But try to make it quick. This table is hurting my ass."

"Will do, Commander. And if you need anything to help you sleep, just let me know," she said lowering her arm.

"Thanks, Doc, but that won't be necessary."

She hopped down as the door to the med-bay opened. Kaidan entered slouching as he walked over the threshold. He was hunched over in pain as he squinted his eyes and attempted to shield them from the light with his hand.

"Lieutenant?" Shepard said with worry.

"Kaidan, are you alright?" the doctor asked. "We need to get him to the table, Commander. Is it a migraine?"

They two women helped him onto a table as the doctor began checking his vitals. He was wincing as both hands covered his eyes. Dr. Chakwas began administering a drug regiment to combat the pain and lessen his discomfort, but it took a while before the drugs kicked in.

He felt the churning of his lunch in his stomach. He had to use every ounce a strength that was left within him to keep it down. Swallowing the bile that crept up his esophagus burned as it went back down. The lights were lowered which helped a bit, but he refused to blow chunks in front of his newly appointed CO. "Talk about having egg on your face," he thought.

As much as he hated her seeing him like that, she equally hated being unable to help him. Sure, they shared an incredible evening together once upon a time, but now he was under her direct supervision. She had a vested interest in his wellbeing. She needed him at his best to stop Saren.

"He's going to be alright, Commander. It's just one of his L2 related migraines. He'll most likely be up and about in twelve to twenty-four hours," the Doc said.

"Keep me posted, okay? I have to get some work done before we reach Artemis Tau," Shepard said as she left the infirmary. She gave one last look towards Kaidan before the door closed.

She walked to the lounge to check on Alexander before continuing to the CIC. Garrus Vakarian was sitting at the table. The former C-Sec officer had helped them convince the Council that Saren had gone rouge. He was the only one in sight.

"How are you settling in, Garrus?" she asked with genuine concern. "Is everyone treating you okay? Do you have everything you need?"

"Yes, Shepard. Thanks for asking," he replied as his mandibles flared. "A few of the crew gave me odd looks when I first boarded, but I guess that was to be expected."

"I don't see why. Nihlis was aboard before you, and the crew is aware that this ship was a collaboration between our two species."

"True, but Nihlis was only on the ship for a short time. And uh, then he died. I hope to be aboard for the long haul."

"You won't have a problem with taking orders from a human?" she asked, studying the bright blue markings on his face.

"We Turians are known for our strict adherence to a military hierarchy. I don't foresee it being a problem, Shepard. As long as you don't expect me to stand on the front lines by myself with a target on my head. Well, even then I might do it."

"I assure you, I'll be right there beside you. I can't let you have all the fun. Unless of course, you get your ass shot," she said shooting him a smile."

"If it's in the ass, it'll probably be from one of your guys."

"Give them a chance, Garrus. Most of them have never served along side another species before. It will definitely be a learning curve for them. I image you had a lot of interspecies contact working on the Citadel?"

"Sure, sure. But if one of them falls in love with my impressive mandibles...I won't be held responsible."

She laughed at his smooth delivery before replying, "If that's the case, I'll be kicking their ass to the brig for fraternizing."

Upon hearing the words, her thoughts immediately jumped to Kaidan laying in the infirmary. Then they jumped to a naked Kaidan laying in her bed. "Dammit, if I don't stop thinking about him, I'll be the one in the brig," she thought to herself.

"I didn't picture you for one to break up true love," he said in response. The hum of his deep voice tickled her ears.

"The Alliance is my true love. If I don't follow her rules, I'm no better than Saren."

"Sometimes you have to break the rules to usher in justice. That is different from what Saren is doing. Whatever it is he is doing, well, it has nothing to do with justice. That, I know for sure."

He paused as he noticed her staring at his mandibles. He flared them intentionally, and she smiled with intrigue. Their eyes met as he gave her a wink. She did not know why, but she liked him immediately.

"Your Spectre status allows some leeway with Alliance regs. He, on the other hand, threw the entire Turian rule book out the airlock and spaced it into a star as it went supernova."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Well, regardless, if I do start going off the rails, you have my permission to shoot me in the ass."

"Now that is an order I won't disobey."

"Take care, Garrus. I have to get back to work. Let me know if you need anything, okay?" she said before leaving the room. He nodded in agreement as he watched her walk away.

Before she was out of earshot he yelled, "You should probably ask the Krogan."

"Shit! The Krogan," she hollered out loud before running to the elevator and punching the button. When the doors opened she ran into Fredricks who was exiting.

"Sorry, ma'am. I was just on my way to the..." he said softly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out of the way," she yelled as she pulled him out of the elevator. "Is the Krogan okay?" she continued as she spun around to face him.

"Yes, ma'am," he said with confusion right as the doors closed.

She left the elevator and immediately scanned the storage area. Nothing seemed to be out of place, and she could not detect any blood splatter. She assumed everything was fine, but continued towards the Krogan to be sure.

"How's it going, Wrex?" she asked looking up at the massive hunk of muscle standing before her.

"Fine, Shepard. For now," he answered. "But where am I gonna sleep? Those sleeper pods on the Crew deck couldn't hold one of my legs let alone the rest of me."

"Yeah, the ship was designed for Turians and Humans, not Krogan," she said.

"That's obvious but doesn't answer my question," he snarled.

"There are bunks in the Officer's Quarters. You are welcome to use one of them. I can kick one of my officers out. One of the bottom bunks might work for you."

"I weigh 472 pounds naked, Shepard. You think it'll hold?"

"It might. If not, there is the couch in the lounge that should work."

"Why don't I just sleep on the floor like a pyjak?"

"Sure, if you are comfortable," she said sarcastically winkling her eyebrows.

He growled loudly. Everyone in the vicinity turned to look at them. She gave them a look of assurance and waved them off before turning her attention back to the big Krogan in the heavy red armor.

"I'm sorry the Normandy isn't more conducive to a Krogan, but there isn't much I can do. We will just have to make the best of it," she said with a comforting tone.

"I know. Just make sure I get to see some action for my troubles."

"Will do, Wrex. Will do," she said before heading towards the engine room. "Oh and don't ever get naked on my ship. I'd never hear the end of it." She heard him laugh and thought it shook the whole deck.

Walking down the long corridor to the drive core made her teeth tingly. She was so used to the biotic nodes within her body reacting to dark energy that she rarely noticed it any more. But here the hallway seemed to concentrate the energy as it bounced off the walls.

"How's it going down here?" she asked as she walked towards Tali. "Is everyone making you feel at home?"

"It's hard for me not to feel at home on a ship, Shepard," she said with excitement in her voice.

"Did you find a place for your things? I can't imagine you'd pack heavy for a pilgrimage."

"Yes, everything fit into a locker Williams showed me. She said I could bunk down the hall, but I don't want to impose on anyone," she replied shyly.

"I am sure we can arrange something."

"Really, it's no bother. My suit makes it easy for me to sleep anywhere. I just turn on the sound dampening software I installed and pump in some extra air. It's like sleeping on a cloud," she said as her voice increased half an octave.

"Uh, okay. But I would still feel better if you had a place to sleep."

"Alright, just as long as it's not with Williams," she whispered. "I don't think she likes me much."

"Trust me, it's not you. I don't think she has spent much time around other species, but I'm sure she'll come around," she assured the young Quarian in her purple suit.

"Thanks, Shepard."

"If you need anything, let me or Adams here know, okay? We owe you for helping us expose Saren to the Council."

"Aye, aye, Captain," she said laughing. "I always wanted to say that."

"It's actually just Commander," Shepard said with a wink.

"Oh sorry, Commander. It won't happen again." She saluted, but Shepard had already turned to leave. Tali hoped it was not rude to salute someone's back. She had not had much contact with Humans and was unsure of their customs.

Adams laughed at her playfully. Shepard heard her mumble something indistinguishable as she trekked back through the corridor. And again, her teeth were tingly as she walked. This time, goosebumps broke out on her skin.

Finally, she rounded the stairs to the CIC. An officer came up to her at her terminal and handed her some datapads. She looked them over searching for possible clues to the Doctor's whereabouts. Nothing jumped out at her.

"When is Pressly due back?" she asked the marine.

"In twenty minutes, ma'am," the husky voice replied.

"Thanks, Emerson. As you were." With a nod, he returned to his station. "It's gonna be a long week," she said to herself.


	14. Cucubirds

A/n: Two awkward Kaidan scenes and lots of dialog! Plus, I fail at making Quarian words.

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><p>"Pressly, what are your thoughts on the Doctor's location?" Shepard asked the aging navigator.<p>

"Without having adequate records for the system, it's hard to say, ma'am," he replied.

"How would you proceed then?"

"The relay spit us out in the Sparta system, so I would start here. It is highly unlikely that the closest planet to the sun would be able to harbor life, nor the furthest. Of course, it may be beneficial to update Alliance records on the system. We may find data or resources that could be useful to our mission."

"I agree. We are on the outside rim of the system, so why don't we work our way inward. Tag and catalog anything we find. Let's also be on the look out for any kind of potential Prothean ruins," she said looking down at the datapad in her hand.

"Aye, aye, ma'am. Two hours until we reach Alsages," he said with a salute.

She then made her way to the cockpit. Joker had just gotten back from dinner, and she wanted to make sure that everything was running smoothly. No problems arose during the shakedown run, but if anything happened out here, it may be awhile before a rescue or repair crew arrived.

"How's she doing, Joker?" she asked as she looked out the big windows into the dark void.

"Nothing to report, Commander. I wish I could open her up a bit more, but there really isn't a need when we are going in a straight line," he said with a frown.

"Well if you're lucky, we may run into an asteroid belt or something."

"Now, that's my idea of a good time. But you guys may want to grab your barf bags...I would like to test out her inertial dampeners though," he said as his frown morphed into a slight smile.

"Really, Jokster? I didn't picture you as being a fan of dampeners," said the feisty blonde co-pilot on his right.

"No, not usually, but I have to put her through her paces so I know how far I can push her, you know?"

"That makes sense," said Shepard. "But let's not blow out her drive core before we even get started. Okay?"

"Oh ye of little faith. If that happens, I will assume full responsibility. Although, I may have to take out a loan. Do you think they'll take a check?"

"What's a check?" asked the blonde, slightly confused.

"Damn, Chase. What are you, twelve?" he mocked. Shepard laughed as he continued, "Haven't you heard of checks from the old timey vids? Or ever heard the expression, 'Don't write checks your body can't cash?'," he asked with a funny voice. "It was some sort of currency or something back then," Shepard heard him say as she walked down the bridge corridor.

"Alenko, Williams, comm room in five," she instructed over the comms.

"Aye, aye, ma'am," they replied in unison.

The comm room was dimly lite. The hallway leading in opened up into a circular area with screens and other communications hardware scattered throughout. The chairs were arranged in a circle to allow maximum visual contact with the systems. The muted lights dully painted the grey metallic walls.

"You wanted to see us, ma'am?" Ashley asked meekly. She was still unaware of how to properly address the Commander.

Shepard was very casual and friendly with most of the crew. This was a trait not shared by Ashley's former CO's, and it made her a little uncomfortable. She was also aware that replacing Jenkins on board made it harder for her to fit in.

"Have either of you had any contact with the new crew members yet?" Shepard asked casually.

"I ran into Garrus in the mess. He was looking for some Turian safe food to eat," Kaidan said.

"Did you help him out?" she asked.

"I had no clue where it was, so I wasn't much help," he admitted. "Why, did he say something? I wasn't trying to be rude. I, I just..."

"Calm down, Lieutenant. I've heard no complaints so far, but I'm sure you meant well," she said calmingly.

His demeanor changed immediately as he flashed her an unintentionally flirty smile. "I am so getting court-martialed," he thought with a sigh.

"How about you, Williams?" she asked trying to ignore his insubordination while keeping herself from flirting back. She peered at Ashley but she did not seem to notice their exchange. If she had, she did not show it.

"No, ma'am...Permission to speak freely?"

"Granted, Chief."

"I've been keeping my distance. I'm afraid I might say something inappropriate...or offensive," she admitted softly.

"Why is that?"

"It's just that I'm not very comfortable around other species, ma'am."

"Is this going to be a problem on a mission? Do I need to leave you behind when I storm an enemy stronghold? Because that is unacceptable, marine," she said with a little anger in her voice. She knew she needed everyone to do their part to take down Saren.

"No, ma'am. It won't be a problem. I will be one hundred and ten percent focused on the mission objective, ma'am," she said with a salute.

"It's fine. I just have enough to worry about and don't need the thought of you offing a teammate with 'accidental friendly fire' on my plate as well," she said using air quotes.

"That won't happen, ma'am."

"I will advise both of you to do your best to make them feel welcome. My marines are a reflection of myself and I am a reflection of the Alliance. If you make yourself look bad, you make me look bad, you make the Alliance look bad, and you make your species look bad. Understood?" she asked firmly.

"Yes, ma'am," they both replied slightly out of sync.

"Well, now that we have that out of the way...We will be searching the Artemis Tau Cluster for possible signs of Prothean ruins in an attempt to locate Dr. T'Soni. I want you on high alert in case we catch a lead and need to hit the ground running. Any questions on the mission objectives?"

"How long do you think it'll take, ma'am?" asked Ashley, her voice still meek.

"No idea, Chief. Considering that Saren hasn't gotten to her, I'd say a week or two tops barring any unforeseen circumstances. If we're lucky, less. But I wouldn't hold my breath. Anything else?"

By that time, Kaidan's mind had began to wonder about the Asari they were looking for. The only interactions he previously had with their species were in bars. To meet a scientist would be an interesting change. He was actually looking forward to the experience if Williams did not shoot her first.

"She is Matriarch Benezia's daughter. What do we do if she's in on it?" Kaidan asked as he glanced at Ashley. She had already told him about her distrust of other species, but it was no secret or surprise to anyone.

"Assuming Williams here doesn't get to her first, we detain her for questioning. Not much else we can do," she said looking at Ashley.

Kaidan tried not to laugh at Ashley's expense but was unsuccessful. Shepard shot him a look, and he cleared his throat in an attempt to regain his composure. On the inside, she was laughing too.

"Sorry, Commander," he said, apologizing for his outburst.

"Kaidan, I need you to compile a list of tech and biotic abilities of the team. That includes our three new guests. Ashley, you're on weapons inspections. That includes the '_aliens_'," she said, again using air quotes.

When Shepard said his name, he snapped out of his Asari trance. He was surprised that she used his first name during a mission brief. "Was it an accident?" he wondered.

When she used Ashley's name too, he was a little deflated. "Stop reading into things that aren't there. She's my CO not my bondmate," he thought correcting himself.

"Yes, Commander," he said when she finished the orders. He liked calling her that. He thought it suited her perfectly. He wondered if he had called her that during their night on the Citadel. He was a little tipsy and did not remember much of their conversations, but the physical memories were recalled vividly.

"Anything else? No? Okay, that's all for now, Kaidan...Williams, a word?"

"Yes, ma'am," she said as they watched Kaidan exit. Both women could not help but catch a good glimpse of his ass as he walked away. Neither of them were aware that the other had done the same.

"I don't like that I have been short with you since...well since you came aboard and I just wanted to clear the air. Jenkins was my responsibility, and it has been hard to see him so easily replaced. I know you're a good soldier. So you should know that it isn't personal, and that I will work on correcting the issue."

"I understand that, Commander. I never expected to get off the ground after the fiasco with my grandfather, and I'm just happy to be here," she said with relief.

"I appreciate your understanding, Ash," she replied. Ashley smiled as Shepard used her nickname for the first time. She took that as the next step in their relationship.

"All marines know lose. It's part of the job, ma'am. But the ones you lost will never be replaced. I mean, he was hand picked by Anderson. He must have been incredibly amazing just like the rest of the crew. I wish I could have known him."

"You're part of that crew now, too. Anderson doesn't pull strings for just anybody," she assured the young Gunnery Chief.

"For the record, Commander, I know the 'aliens' are here to help. If our meeting with the Council was any indication, we'll need all we can get."

"Agreed. We should get back to work."

"Aye, aye, ma'am," she replied before taking her leave

Shepard studied her datapad for a few minutes then exited the comm room. She placed it at her private terminal before taking the stairs to the mess hall. She grabbed a cup of coffee and a salad before sitting down at the table. Tali was sitting across from her.

Shepard's plate was filled with green food that Tali assumed were vegetables. Small red balls were scattered on top with flecks of orange throughout. Some sort of weird blue dressing drenched the top.

She watched as the Human used a fork with her five digit fingers and popped a ball into her mouth. She found it odd that Humans could use utensils so easily with two extra digits.

"What are those?" she asked with suspicion.

"They're tomatoes. Someone told me that they were similar to what you call leapers," she answered before eating another.

"Do you mean leipas?" Tali's translation software had trouble discerning what Shepard had said.

"Yes, yes. That's what they're called, lay-pahs," she said, sounding it out phonically. "They're delicious. They burst in your mouth when you bite into them."

"I haven't had a leipa in years," Tali responded.

"This is lettuce," Shepard said. She held up a green leafy vegetable.

"Yes, that I recognized. What about those orange pieces?"

"Those are carrots. Do you know of something similar?"

"Maybe. We have a purple root vegetable called kl'ekse that I heard someone compare them to once, I think," she said as she made a confused face that nobody could see.

Shepard nodded as she took a sip of her coffee. Greico had followed her down from the CIC for his chow break. He sat down next to her and introduced himself to Tali.

"Have you ever met a Quarian before, Lieutenant?" she asked.

"No, ma'am. I have seen a few but never talked to one," he replied.

"I was just giving Tali here a crash course on Earth vegetables," she said giving him a smile before looking back across the table. "I don't know when we'll be making port again, Tali. So I am enjoying these while I can."

Tali smiled behind her mask. "I would kill for a leipa," she said with a loud sigh.

"Do you get many vegetables with your fleet?" Greico asked.

"Sort of...we consist on a vegan diet that's mostly made into paste for easy dispersal on the Flotilla. We can't afford to waste food, space, or water on livestock," she said with a snort. "I've been stuffing myself with as much dexto meat as I can find on my pilgrimage."

"I bet," he replied pondering the information.

"Not to mention the diseases that animals carry," Shepard said.

"Exactly," Tali replied. "But every once in awhile you'll get a real leipa or kl'eksie. And if you're really lucky, botseet." The crowd at the table looked at her waiting for a description. "It's kinda like a cucubird?" she tried to explain.

"You mean cucumber?" Greico asked.

"Yes, that's it," she said with revelation in her voice.

Shepard laughed before saying, "I guess vegetables aren't really high on the translation software priority list." The table burst into laughter. She continued eating as everyone took turns sharing their favorite foods.

After finishing her meal, Shepard got up and excused herself from the table. She disposed of her tray and headed towards the console that she had noticed Kaidan working on earlier. He was crouched down fiddling with some wires when she made her approach.

He stood to greet her when he saw her walking his way. He wiped the sweat from his brow with his forearm. The motion left a greasy black smudge on his brown skin. "Stay calm, man. She probably just wants to know why you're dismantling her ship," he thought to himself.

"Hey, Lieutenant. I just wanted to check in. What's going on here?" she asked motioning towards the exposed panel.

"There was a glitch in the sleeper pod regulations systems. The alarms aren't working. I thought I'd see what I could do."

"I like your initiative, Kaidan. But do you know what you're doing here?" she asked with an eyebrow raised in hesitation.

"I have a pretty good idea, Commander. I was always messing with things like this when I was younger," he said offering a level of comfort to the conversation. He laughed softly when she smiled at him.

"You liked fixing things? I tended to rip them apart," she said with a nostalgia-infused laugh. "Still do. We would have made quite the team."

"We still might," he said without thinking. "I meant, you know, Alliance wise. Fighting Saren and the Geth...not like you and me...and the Citadel. Not, not that kind of, you know, 'team'...I'm just making it worse, aren't I? Sorry, ma'am. I'll shut up now," he rambled.

"Ma'am, huh? I think we're a little past that, don't you?" she said as she tried to disguise her flirty tone. She thoroughly enjoyed his discomfort.

"I wasn't sure where we stood. I figured, 'better safe than sorry'," he said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"This is a small frigate. I'm expecting a level of respectful, yet casual, camaraderie...And between you and me, 'ma'am' just makes me feel old."

"I'll keep that in mind...Commander," he said with a cheeky smile. He was relieved that she appeared to have let him off the hook for his ramblings.

"On another note, I'd be careful with that hand, Lieutenant. It's covered in grease."

"Oh, damn," he said as embarrassment washed over him. She laughed as he grabbed a towel to wipe his face. "I bet your opinion of me has fallen quite a few pegs since, uh, since we first met."

His heart rate rose as the memories of their first encounter went flashing through his mind...again. His mouth went dry, and he smiled awkwardly. She nodded as the same thoughts went flooding through hers.

"Well, I'll let you get back to work," she said. She wanted to stay but thought it would be best to let him regroup. He was easily flustered, and she wondered if it was all women, CO's, or just her that caused such reactions.

"Yes, Commander. I'm sure you have a lot to do," he replied as he kneeled back down towards the console.

"Oh...and it'll take a lot more than that, Lieutenant," she replied sensually over her shoulder as she walked away.

"Wait...What?" he thought as he tried to wrap his head around her words. "What did she mean?" he mused. He was not sure whether she was talking about the grease or his perceived fall from grace.

Perhaps it was the tool he had in his hand? "Was that flirting? No. She was just being playful. Or was she?" His level of confusion grew with every question.

He could not help but stare as she walked away. He had already memorized every inch of her body, but that did not stop him from doing it again. "She's gonna space you out the airlock. Maybe I could save her the trouble and jump," he said to himself. He exhaled deeply as she disappeared out of view.

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><p>AN 2: Welcome new followers! I'm glad people are enjoying this! Some of my favorite chapters so far are coming up in the next few weeks so stay tuned.


	15. Tender Legs And Tender Hearts

A/N: Aftermath of UNC: Missing Marines. This is one of my favorite chapters so far. It was fun to write, and I hope it's fun to read! _Warning: lots of strong language._

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><p>"Joker? We need an extraction, NOW!" she yelled through her comms.<p>

"We're on our way, Commander. Eta: 4 minutes," he said as he brought up a map of the terrain.

"The Mako's taken heavy damage. I'll need a team on the ground to help remove the acid from the thresher maw. I'm not bringing this shit on board. That means you'll have to land her."

"Aye, aye, Commander. You have all the fun!" he said. Excitement filled his voice at the thought of his first planetary landing. He made an announcement over the ship's comms, "Prepare for immediate landing on Edolus. Mako team to the docking bay...and bring a mop."

"Put the infirmary on standby...Fredrick's scrapped his knee," she said shooting the wounded marine a playful smile.

"Yes, Commander," Joker said before the comms broke down. "Dammit! Chase, I told you that dust storm was gonna interfere. Get the comms back up!"

"What the hell do you think I'm doing, Joker? My nails?" she said as she began running diagnostics. "You're an ass," she added. They both rolled their eyes.

"Standby, med-bay. Someone on the ground team has a booboo," he joked as he began landing procedures.

"Hold on, Freddy. You're gonna be fine," said Ash as she applied some medi-gel to the acid burn on his leg. He screamed in agony.

A huge blob of thresher maw acid ate through the Mako's armored roof before falling on him and burning through his. His skin began sloughing off at the point of contact.

"It's just a bit of acid," Wrex said without sympathy.

"He's in pain, you stupid fucking reptile," Ash shot back. Everyone's body was overflowing with adrenaline.

"You Humans are too soft," he said with a deep laugh.

"Would you two pipe down? I'm having trouble with the comms," Shepard snapped. "Ash, he's gonna be fine," she said. Her eyes reassured both marines. "Wrex, he's gonna have one hell of a scar."

"I could fight maws all day," Fredricks said in response through groans of pain.

"That storm is getting pretty close," Shepard said pointing to the dust clouds rolling in from the west. She was attempting to keep his mind off his injury, but none of them wanted to get caught in it. The sand particles would blast the skin clean off their body.

"I think I hear the Normandy," said Ashley, bringing their minds back to the task at hand.

A few seconds later, she came into view. Joker put her down with ease. The docking bay doors slid open and a small maintenance crew stepped onto the dusty planet. One pushed a cart that was filled with yellow canisters.

Kaidan led the charge with his gun drawn. He assumed from Joker's announcement that someone was hurt, and he felt bad for hoping it was anyone but Shepard. A huge sense of relief came over him when he saw her pacing in the distance. He was able to relax his shoulders a tiny bit.

"Get her cleaned up," Shepard ordered motioning towards the Mako. "You got thirty minutes before takeoff. Alenko, help Williams get Freddy to the med-bay."

"Yes, Commander," he said as he help Ashley pick up the young private. "What happened?" he asked as they carried him off.

"I'll tell you later, Lieutenant. Let's get him to the med-bay first. This has been one shitty day," Ash said with a huff.

"Wrex, get cleaned up or something. I have to get started on the mission report. Someone's gotta be missing those marines," she said walking slowly towards the ship. She turned to take one more look at the scene before boarding. Her boots made a thud as she walked up the loading ramp.

She meandered over to the weapon's locker and put her guns away. Wrex had followed her and did the same. She sat down on the bench and slowly removed her armor. Instead of lugging it upstairs, she left it in a pile by the lockers. She did not have the energy to wear it any further.

"You want me to carry you to your quarters, Shepard?" he asked sarcastically after noticing her sluggish movements.

"No, thanks, Wrex. I think I got it," she said dryly.

"Just trying to be helpful," he said.

"I told you I'd get you some action, Wrex."

"And for that, I thank you."

She had skipped breakfast that morning and was now running on empty. She had also been up half the night recovering from a nasty nightmare, but once the distress call was detected, that was all she could focus on.

They spent two hours talking strategy and almost three on the ground. She thought about grabbing an energy drink from the galley as she passed, but chose not to at the last minute. Filing her report was her top priority.

**XoXoX**

"He'll be alright," said Dr. Chakwas. "There will be extensive scarring, but the medi-gel may have saved his leg. Tucks, prep him for surgery. We need to remove the damaged tissue. He'll be down for a few days, but he should recover fully."

"Oh, thank God," replied Ashley with relief. "See, I told you everything was gonna be fine, Freddy."

"Yeah? Well, tell that to my beautiful leg," he teased with a drug-induced smile.

"You'll be on it soon enough, private," said the Doctor before chasing Kaidan and Ashley from the room. She pushed a button on the wall and the clear windows became an opaque white. By the time she walked over to the exam table, the private was already under.

Kaidan grabbed an energy drink from the galley and sat down across from Ashley at the mess. Her armor was smudged and dusty. When she took off her helmet, the sweat had matted her hair. Kaidan tried to look passed her disheveled appearance. After all, she did just help take down a thresher maw.

"What the hell happened out there?" he asked after a quick sip.

"It, it just came out of nowhere. We followed the distress signal to the beacon, and the next thing we know, a huge worm is spitting acid at us," she said still clearly shaken. "That thing was BIG!"

"How did Fredricks get hit?"

"The damn thing spit acid on the roof. We tried to out flank it, but it would pop up outta nowhere. Wrex had control of the turret, I was driving, Shepard was navigating, and Freddy was manning the support systems. Next thing I know, he's screaming." She shook her head in disbelief.

"So, it ate through the roof?" he asked with a puzzled look.

"Yeah, right through the damn roof. First through the Mako's armor, then the steel roof, then his armor, and...well you saw his leg." She ran her hands over her hair and took a deep breath. "And the smell. It was like putrid meat mixed with moldy ass and Elcor pheromones. Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"I'm just glad everyone got out okay. It could have been a lot worse," Kaidan said with a comforting tone.

"And Shepard's pissed!"

"Why?" he asked trying not to come off as being too concerned with his CO's state of affairs.

"Why?! Because we were led into a trap! Because someone led another group of marines into a trap before that! You think she's just gonna let that shit go?" she asked.

"No, I guess not," he said shaking his head. "Freddy was the only one to get hit?" he asked, more concerned about Shepard than the other two.

"Yeah. By the time it leaked through the roof, we had the fucker on the ropes. We were able to jump out before anyone else got dripped on. I don't know how much damage the Mako took."

"I'm sure the mechanics can handle it. If not, they'll probably give us a new one," he said before downing the rest of his drink. "I bet Wrex had a hell of a time, though."

"Oh God...don't get me started on the Krogan. He was hooting and hollering like it was a party or something. I kept telling him to shut up, but he didn't listen."

"I bet not," he said as Garrus and Tali joined them at the, already overcrowded, table. Ashley started to repeat the story when they asked her what had happened.

He wondered if it would be too forward if he took an energy drink to Shepard. The shore party had been on the ground for a few hours, and he figured she had not eaten since they left. "She might appreciate the gesture, or rail on me for assuming she can't take care of herself," he thought. He decided to risk it.

"I'm gonna go check on the repair crew," he said before standing up. "Let me know when he wakes up, Ash."

"Aye, aye, Lieutenant," she replied before continuing with the story.

He grabbed another drink and an energy bar and made his way to the cargo hold. He was hoping she would still be there overseeing the cleanup crew.

"Where's Shepard?" he asked Wrex.

"Hell if I know. She went up the elevator."

Kaidan nodded as he stored his guns. He noticed her armor lumped in a pile next to the lockers. The N7 was hard to miss and he began to worry. She was not one to leave her things laying around.

"Was she okay?" he asked not expecting an answer from the adrenaline-infused Krogan.

"I offered to carry her up," he said with a grunt shrugging his massive shoulders. "But she refused."

"Thanks," he said as he walked back to the elevator.

He rounded the stairs to the CIC and scanned the room. When he did not see her, he proceeded to the cockpit. He assumed Joker would know where she was.

"Hey, Joker. Do you know where Shepard is?" he asked softly.

"Hell no, why would I?" he snapped.

"I thought she'd be overseeing the takeoff procedures."

"Fuck that, Alenko. She knows how good I am," he said with venom dripping from his teeth.

"What's your problem, Moreau? I asked a simple question. That's all."

"Don't pay any attention to him, Lieutenant," said Chase. "He forgot to engage the forward thrusters and some dust got into the engines. We'll be lucky if we can take off in less than two hours."

"I never landed her on a planet before. I forgot, OKAY?! SO SHOOT ME," he yelled in embarrassment.

"He just got his ass reamed by a very pissed off Shepard," she explained.

"Oh...well thanks, Chase," Kaidan said as he turned to leave.

"I'd be careful if I were you. She's really mad," Chase said crinkling her nose. Joker bowed his head in shame and sighed. "We may have to sit through the storm," she added looking over towards the helmsman sympathetically.

Kaidan nodded and walked back towards to the CIC. He was about to give up and return to the mess hall when he saw Pressly exit the comm room. Instead, he walked to the door.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," Pressly said from his station.

Kaidan turned to look at him and held up the drink. "She needs to eat," he said.

Pressly tilted his head and said, "It's your funeral."

He apprehensively walked into the room. She was sitting in a chair rubbing the bridge of her nose with both hands. Her elbows were resting on her knees. She sighed and looked up to see who had entered. Kaidan was standing there with his arms stretched out with his offering.

"You need to eat," he said firmly but with a hint of hesitation as he realized that he had just given an order to his superior.

"I'm not hungry," she said softly. All she wanted to do was enter the mission report and do a search for information on the missing marines. She had planned on yelling at the next person who interrupted her. When she saw him, she did not have the heart.

"You NEED to eat," he said again, this time with only firmness in his voice.

"I have a marine in the infirmary, the Mako is busted, my ship is temporarily grounded, there is a huge ass storm coming, and I need to find the CO of those marines," she said frustrated at the shit storm she found herself in.

"I'm not leaving until you eat," he said in defiance.

She contemplated throwing him in the brig. But he smiled with big puppy dog eyes, and she melted into them. She laughed in defeat and gave in snatching the food from his hands.

"Fine."

Satisfied with his victory, he took a seat next to her. He was afraid that if he left, she would not finish.

"Mmmm, these are sooo good when you're starving." she said with her mouth full. "How's Freddy?"

"I thought you weren't hungry? Right...Freddy's in surgery. Doc says he'll be fine. Just a scar. Nothing to worry about," he said smiling at her.

"Stop," she said laughing at him with a smudge of chocolate on her lip.

"Stop what?" he said now smiling from ear to ear.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" he asked wrinkling his eyebrows.

"Like that! The way you looked at me in the bar," she said as she giggled like a schoolgirl at the memory.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said as his big smile turned into a sly sideways grin.

"Yeah, uh huh," she said with a wink. "Thanks for the food. I shouldn't have skipped breakfast."

"You did what? Am I gonna have to switch my chow schedule so I can keep an eye on you?" he teased. He instinctively reached up and wiped the brown stain from her lip as if he had done it a thousand times before.

"Maybe," she said biting her lip. She could taste the salt from his fingertips as his warmth lingered where he had touched her skin.

"Stop," he said.

"Stop what?"

"Stop biting your lip...like you did on the Citadel." As he said the words, his eyes filled with desire for her.

"What? I wasn't..." she laughed not realizing what she had done.

She leaned over and nudged him with her shoulder. He nudged her back, but she did not give. They pressed their biceps into one another and looked deeply into each other's eyes. They resisted the urge to lean in for a kiss. But just barely.

"The Mako's on board, ma'am," interrupted a voice over her comms.

"Thanks, Gunny," she said as she looked away. "I should probably get back to work."

He took the empty containers from her hands while lightly grazing the soft skin on her palms. Goosebumps ran down her spine. As he walked towards the door, he looked back and smiled sweetly at her.

She returned his smile then rolled her eyes and shook her head. He was really starting to get to her. Whatever they started on the Citadel seemed to be snowballing. She knew it would only be a matter of time before she could no longer resist her insticts.

She watched him as he struted towards the exit. The door slowly shut behind him. She exhaled deeply as he disappeared out of view.


	16. Poetry and Tacos

A/n: This chapter was inspired by the scannable beacon that contained Asari poetry over Porolan. I had fun writting this one too, enjoy!

* * *

><p>"Commander," said Pressly in a soft voice. "Commander? We found something on the scans."<p>

"I'll be right there, Pressly," she said groggily. She rubbed her eyes before climbing out of bed. She threw on her N7 jacket, zipped it up, and headed to the CIC. She did not bother with shoes.

"What is it?" she asked the sleepy eyed navigator.

"It's some sort of ancient beacon. We aren't sure what's in it."

"Where are we?"

"Orbiting Porolan in the Macedon System."

"Okay, who's up?" she asked

"On the salvage team? Tanaka and Felawa."

"How many hours do you have in zero G, Tanaka?" she asked looking over at his terminal.

"Two seventy-four, ma'am," he said proudly. "Felawa has about two sixty," he added smugly.

"Nice. Grab Felawa and Garrus and suit up," she ordered.

"Garrus, ma'am?" he asked bewildered.

"He's in the mess. I saw him on my way up."

"Aye, aye, ma'am," he said with a salute, too afraid to press her any further.

"Pressly, feel free to head back to bed."

"If you don't mind, I'd like to see what's on board."

"Very well. Who's at the helm?"

"Chase I believe. Joker went to bed about an hour ago. Should I wake him?"

"Nah, let him sleep. I want to see how she handles herself," she said walking towards the stairs. She made her way to the hanger to join the salvage team.

"Chase? How close can you get us?" she asked over the comms.

"A kilometer or so. Any closer and we risk throwing it into atmo, ma'am."

"Copy that."

"How'd I get so lucky to be chosen for this op?" asked Garrus through his helmet. The muffled sound made his voice even deeper.

"I saw a Turian compatible teether when I was exploring a few weeks back," she said with a grin. "If you want, I could wake up a Human? Maybe Wrex would volunteer."

"I think I can handle it. Besides, someone has to show them how it's done," he said pointing to the two marines.

The group made their way to the rear starboard side airlock. Shepard followed behind. She watched through the small porthole as the room depressurized. The outside door opened up and the three ventured out towards the beacon. Their small thrusters lit up behind them.

"How's it going, boys," she asked a few minutes later.

"It's been too long since I've done this," Garrus said with a giddy voice.

"You're lucky, Vakarian. If I hadn't been woken up less than ten minutes ago, I'd be the one out there."

"You and Ash got the thresher maw. It's only far you share the wealth," he replied.

"Never spacewalked with a Turian before," Tanaka said.

"And how is it?" she asked.

"To be honest? I'm half expecting him to leave me here," he said with a chuckle.

"Nah Tanaka, I'm not afraid of you. Now Shepard...maybe," he said as everyone laughed. "But you two are safe...for now."

"If all three of you don't return, I'm leaving the rest of you out there," she chided. "Chase, how we doin'?"

"We're good commander. They are about half way there."

"Excellent! Keep her steady."

"Yes, ma'am," she replied.

"How you doing Fella? You haven't said a word."

"Fine, ma'am. Just taking in the view."

"You mean my ass?" asked Garrus. "You're directly behind me."

"My head is down, Garrus. I'm looking at the planet," he said sternly.

"Okay, Fella. We believe you," Tanaka chimed in. They all laughed.

"Permission to lose some dead weight, Commander?" he asked.

"Sorry Corporal, denied. I may need them later."

"Well there was no harm in asking," he continued.

"Hey, Fella. Do you ever get tired of people calling you 'Fella'?" Garrus asked.

"I'm used to it. It's better than correcting them. Fella is a lot easier to pronounce than Felawa," he answered.

"I hear that," said Tanaka.

"Oh yeah? And what do they call you?" he asked.

"I've heard 'Taco' a lot," he admitted.

"Hahahaha, what's a taco?" asked Garrus through his laughter.

"It's a seasoned meat that is put into a hard u-shaped shell, usually made of corn, that's topped with cheese and various other condiments. It's delicious," Chase replied.

"Guys, you're making me hungry," Shepard said. "I haven't had a taco in years."

"Next port we reach, I'm buyin'," Tanaka said.

"We'll hold you to that...Taco," said Shepard.

"You Humans and your nicknames. What do they call you, Shepard?" the Turian asked.

The comms went silent for a moment as she contemplated her reply. She let out a loud breath. Ellie? Elle? Child? Shep; that one she hated. First Human Spectre? No. Got it! "The Badass of the Blitz!" she answered with a heavy bravado.

"Damn right!" said Felawa.

"Damn right!" the others repeated.

"We're about ten meters out from the beacon, ma'am," said Tanaka.

"Alright boys, attach the cables and reel her in," she said.

"Wonder if there's a finder's fee," added Garrus.

Ten minutes later, the beacon was onboard. It was covered in ice thanks to the freezing temperatures of space. They had to let it defrost for a few minutes before they could proceed.

"Open it already! The suspence is killing me!" ordered Shepard.

The latches on the beacon were corroded; they had to get the torch to open it up. There was a crowd gathered around in anticipation. When it was finally opened, Shepard pulled out its contents. She read the leaflets inside before letting out a rumbling laugh.

"It's Asari poetry!" she yelled. They all laughed in unison. "By the goddess! Ha!"

"It should make a nice addition to the library for the Doctor. If we ever find her," said Garrus.

"Sure will," said Tanaka.

"Alright, we wasted enough time on this 'art'," she said. "I'm going back to bed. Chase, continue plotted course."

"Aye, aye. Sleep well, Commander," she replied.

"Thanks."

"Hey, Commander? Do you want some poetry to help you sleep?" asked Felawa with a laugh.

"I think I can manage," she said heading to the elevator.

**XoXoX**

The next morning, the ship was abuzz with the tale of the Asari poetry. The first rotation had just awoke and everyone was laughing at the "op". Shepard started out her day in the infirmary. She wanted to see how Fredricks was doing since the incident on Edolus.

"Give me the update, Doctor," she said when she walked in.

"Oh, hello Commander. We were just being told of the riveting poetry op that took place last night," Dr. Chakwas said with a grin.

"Yes, it was full of exciting cultural discovery," she replied in a monotoned voice. Noticing Fredricks' chipper mood, she decided to let the question go.

"I wish I could've joined them," he said with wonder.

"You're still a ways out Freddy. You can leave the med-bay later today, but I want you to take it easy for a few days. No ops for a few more weeks. And only if you are doing well," said the doctor.

"Sorry, Fred. Doctor's orders," Shepard said to him with a neutral expression. He looked deflated. "If you're good, I'll let you sit up in the cockpit and annoy Joker for a few days."

"Alright, I guess that'll do."

"Stay on him, Doc," she said as she smiled at him and began to walk out.

"Yes, Commander," Dr. Chakwas replied.

Kaidan was sitting at the mess table enjoying breakfast when she past. He was not joking about changing his chow schedule. He shot her a look to remind her to eat something, and she rolled her eyes in protest.

Instead of heading to the CIC as planned, she went to the galley. She got a tray and sat next to Tali who was sitting across from him.

"We were just talking about the harrowing adventure last night," Tali said as she made a slurping sound from within her suit.

"You guys should have seen it. It was brilliant," she said with sarcasm. "I think it may have inspired Garrus to take up poetry."

"Now, that I would like to hear," said Tali.

"Count me out," Kaidan chimed in.

"You're not a fan of the arts, Lieutenant?" Shepard asked. Just then, Ashley walked in and sat next to him.

"Who doesn't like art?" she asked.

"It's not that I don't like art. I can appreciate beauty in any form," he said as he flashed Shepard an awkward smile that no one else seemed to notice. "I'm just not one for words."

All the girls laughed.

"You got that right, Lieutenant," Ash replied. "I love poetry. I grew up with it, but I guess I'm more cultured than you," she teased as she nudged Kaidan with her shoulder.

Shepard felt her blood boil and clenched her teeth in response. Kaidan looked at her hoping that she had not read into it, but her game face was on. He could not tell whether or not she cared. "I hope she doesn't think I like Ash," he thought. Ashley was nice and all, but his feelings for her were professional and platonic.

"I guess so, Ash," he said. He looked down at his food pretending not to have noticed the nudge.

"I like poetry too," said Tali.

The two interested women began expanding on the topic. Shepard shoveled her food into her mouth as quickly as she could. Poetry was not one of her likes. She grabbed her tray and stood up from the table.

"I'm out. There's too much estrogen in here," she said as she walked away.

"I guess she's not a fan, either," said Kaidan. He took comfort in that fact.

She walked up the stairs to the Command deck. Her datapad was resting on her terminal, and she picked it up to go over the daily ship report. There was nothing out of the ordinary that had been flagged. She began reading the update on the Mako.

"Sitrep, Pressly," she said still studying the datapad.

"We passed Patavig a couple of hours ago. It's a Volus colony and the records showed no Prothean sites. We'll be near Sharjila in about two hours," he reported. She nodded and went back to work.

**XoXoX**

"Commander? We are picking up movement on the surface. There aren't any records for the planet, but scans show it as a level one hazard," Pressly said.

"Send the data to the comm room. When is sunset?"

"About sixteen hours, ma'am."

"Alright. Thanks, Pressly. Marine team to the comm room," she said as she walked towards the room.

Fredricks was the first one to arrive. He limped in from the cockpit where he had already taken up residency. Kaidan and Garrus were next followed by Tali, Ash, and Wrex. She pulled up the data on the screens.

"We have movement on the surface. We will be launching a ground team to investigate, but the scans show the planet is a level one hazard. Anybody who wants to sit it out can, but I reserve the right to look down on you," she said half jokingly. Nobody took her up on it.

"We're good, Commander," Ash said, speaking for them all.

"Tali you're out. I want you working on the engine that Joker tried to take out," she smirked.

"I heard that, Commander," Joker said over the comms.

"I know," she said casually. "Freddy, you're out too, but nice try hobbling to the room." Everyone turned to look at him with a hint of empathy. "Sorry, Garrus. You had your adventure for today," she said laughingly as the team joined in.

"Very funny," he replied with a coolness that radiated from his mouth as his mandibles twitched with disappointment. "I guess I'll keep an eye on Taco then," he said. Shepard was the only one who got the joke and laughed loudly.

"Who's Taco?" Ashley asked. "Is it one of us?" There was a little bit of fear in her voice.

Neither answered the question. They just looked at each other and laughed again. Kaidan was bubbling with jealousy. "She wouldn't date an alien, would she?" he wondered. He thought back to their moment in the room a few days ago. "Focus! There's a mission at stake."

"I'm on point. Kaidan, you have our six. Wrex, Ash...you're in between. Questions?"

"Is the Mako gonna be up for a level one planet? A few days ago, she was covered in thresher acid," said Fredricks, shaking as he looked at his leg.

"The repair crew has been working around the clock. They assured me she will be ready by the time we need her," she replied trying to ease his acid-scarred mind.

"They were testing her earlier. They said all systems were up, but I don't know about her hull integrity," said Ash.

"I have faith in all my crew. If they said she'll be ready, then she'll be ready. I want more intel before we move out, but let's shoot for a three hour window. We are going in guns hot. I don't know what we'll find, but it can't be any worse then the last op."

"No, Badass. That Asari poetry can get pretty nasty," Garrus replied causing them all to laugh again.

"Joker, are we running silent?" she asked the helmsman.

"Yes, Commander," he said in a bored tone.

"Drop us into atmo. Get as close as you can without being seen. I want to know what we'll be walking into," she said. "But, no more ambushes!"

"Aye, aye, Commander," he replied.

"That's all for now. Bay doors in three. Alenko, make sure I eat lunch before we go."

"Yes, ma'am. That's what your marine detail commander is for," he said with a coy smile before exiting.

"You like being her waiter, huh?" Ashley asked as they headed down the stairs.

"Even Alexander the Great had a food tester," he reasoned.

"Her fish has a food tester?" Wrex asked confused.

"No, the guy he's named after. He was a famous Human thousands of years...never mind," Kaidan said as the Krogan flew down the stairs and out of earshot.

He was excited about the op. It would be the first one with Shepard since Eden Prime, and he was looking forward to watching her six.


	17. Fly on the Wall

A/n: I think this chapter is pretty funny! A lot of dialog between Shepard and Joker but also a sweet ending. Enjoy!

*Updated with an endnote

* * *

><p>"I fucking hate slavers," Shepard said as she sat in the comm room for debriefing. They had spent the last ninety minutes engaged in a firefight on Sharjila. She sipped an energy drink to refuel her tired body.<p>

"And an Asari one at that," added Kaidan with amazement. He sat a few chairs away. She could not help but notice his curiosity with the species.

"I have a friend whose family was killed by slavers on Mindoir. The poor kid was so messed up when we brought him on board. I was young too, in my teens, and had already lost my father. He felt like I was the only one who understood him, and he clung to me like flies to shit," she said.

"What happened to him?" asked Ash with concern.

"We enlisted together and became a couple of badass N7's," she said nonchalantly. "He is one tough motherfucker."

"Heh heh. What is with you humans and having relations with mothers?" asked an amused Wrex.

Kaidan and Ashley laughed while Shepard looked bewildered. "It's an insult, Wrex. Having explicit sex with someone's mom is not a very honorable thing to do," she explained.

"So...father's aren't honorable?"

"No, Wrex. They are. We are talking about someone other than the father," Ashley chimed in.

"I see, so you're friend went through hell and you insult him," said Garrus.

"No, no. It can also be a compliment. It depends on the context, guys...kinda like pyjak," said Shepard. The room went silent for a moment as the aliens contemplated the concept.

"I wonder if Dahlia's sister knows about her nefarious enterprise," said Garrus. He recognized the last name from his dealings with diplomats working with C-Sec.

"She may have been in on it, Garrus. Who knows these days?" said Ashley.

"You have a point, Ash," he said giving her a nudge with his elbow. She smiled at the action. Shepard was surprised she did not pull a gun.

"Okay guys, I'm gonna file the mission report then head to bed. I am beat," Shepard said as she stood from her chair. Everyone else followed her lead before they slowly filed out.

"Joker, what's our eta to the Athens System?"

"We will be orbiting Pharos in about fourteen hours, Commander," he said from the cockpit. "Do you need me to tuck you in?" he said with a flirty tone that made her roll her eyes.

"I would if I didn't think you'd break a hand on my rock hard ass..."

"Totally worth it, Elle," he replied as he fell into his thoughts.

"Joker, you are such a flirt," she said with a soft laugh.

"Yeah, like you're one to talk. Just trying to do my part to keep up morale...ma'am. Scuttlebutt knows everyone else is afraid too."

"I don't know...Taco was pretty flirty the other day."

"Who the hell is Taco?" he said with frustration. "No one will tell me."

"Well, I guess that's for me to know...and for you to keep your nose out of my business," she said stoically.

"Oh...hit a nerve there, huh? As you know, I keep abreast of scuttlebutt and I hear things," he said quite proudly that he did not laugh when he said "abreast".

"You expect me to believe that? You don't even know who Taco is," she teased.

"No, listen! First...Tali has a crush on Garrus."

"With that voice, who doesn't? And he gave her Turian chocolate."

"Fair enough. Chase keeps making eyes at Greico."

"She's not his type. He wants someone he can take home to momma."

"Wow, you're better at this than I thought."

"Okay here's the kicker...Mr. Perfect Hair and Xenophobe."

She laughed trying to mask her insecurities. "Alenko and Williams? No way, she's too wild for him. Maybe in ten years when she's mellowed out some, but she's a club hopper and he's a homebody. It would never work."

"Opposites attract."

"Yeah, then try to kill each other...I picture her with someone like you. Bold and loud...and maybe a bit of an asshole."

"Don't get my hopes up, Commander."

"I said 'someone like you'. Definitely NOT you," she said deflatingly.

"Sure...kick the cripple when he's down."

"Shut the fuck up, Joker. You're the least crippled person I know. Hell, Freddy's more of a gimp than you," she laughed.

"Oh, he's totally got the hots for her."

"Who? Williams?"

"Uh, yeah. And probably you too, but who doesn't, mon amour?"

"Okay, now you're creeping me out...You speak French?

"No, but I can say 'love' in twelve different languages."

"What a coincidence! That's how many languages I can say 'Get lost!'."

"Good one, Commander," he said dryly.

"I thought so."

"What about Kaidan?"

"What about Kaidan?" she asked, trying to steady her voice.

"Does he come off as batting for the other team to you?"

"No, not in the least," she said as her mind wandered to their kiss in the elevator. "Why? Does he to you?"

"Well I'm sure just about every chick on the ship has a thing for his perfect aaa...hair, but I don't think he's noticed any of them."

"Maybe he knows I'll throw him in the brig for fraternizing if he tries to bust a move?"

"No, I don't mean that. He doesn't even flirt with them. It's like he's too focused on bringing you coff...oohhh..." A lightbulb went off in his head.

"Bringing me what?"

"Coffee...Yeah, that's about right."

"You lost me."

"You! He has the hots for you. I don't know why I didn't see it before. Oh, poor guy. He probably has no idea that he doesn't stand a chance."

"He probably has some idea," she joked. "I don't know, Joker. He's pretty focused on his career like me."

"You're Ash in ten years...ohhhh shit!" Another lightbulb lit up. "You like him too!"

"WHAT?! No, I don't," she huffed. Her voice raised an octave and he knew she was lying.

"DO TOO!"

"Alright, Joker. I've had enough insubordination for one day. I have to get to bed," she said with a neutral tone that scared him a little. He decided to drop it. He thought it best not to push his CO on her love life.

"Yeah okay, but first...who the hell's Taco?" he pleaded.

"A taco consists of seasoned meat that is stuffed into..."

"Oh, shut up," he said shaking his head.

"Did you just tell you're commanding officer to shut up?" she asked with a much more playful voice.

"No, ma'am. I would never do that. I love my job; I love my CO. I was uh talking to Chase, here," he mumbled.

"Hell no, you keep me outta this shit, Jokster," she heard the co-pilot bellow through his comms. They all laughed as she continued with her report.

All of a sudden, she heard someone clear their throat behind her and she spun around quicker than lightening. Kaidan was sitting in the same chair he was during the debrief.

"How long have you been sitting there, Lieutenant?" she said slightly raising her voice.

"Oh, shit! I'm out," said Joker as he cut the comms.

She pushed a button that secured the room from outside communications. Then, she slowly turned to face the Lieutenant. "This is gonna be fun!" she thought trying to conceal a mischievous smile.

He jumped to his feet. For a moment, he was speechless. "This is it; she's so gonna space me," he thought as a bead of sweat formed on his brow. She studied his face for a few minutes before closing the gap between them.

He cleared his throat and softly said, "I never left."

After a few more moments of silence he spoke again, "You don't owe me an explanation...It's your ship." By this time, his face was flushed, and he could feel his heartbeat pounding behind his eyes.

She just stood there staring at him blankly. It was a technique she often used to make people sweat. And in this case, it worked beautifully. Instead of asking him questions, he nervously offered up all the information she could have wanted.

"I mean, you can flirt or not flirt with anyone you want." He tried to swallow, but his dry mouth made it difficult. "And there is nothing between me and Ash. I follow the regs, Commander," he said as his eyes darted around the room. He tried to focus on anything but her.

"I just wanted to make sure you ate something before you went to bed. That's why I stayed," he explained. She tilted her head slightly as she held back a smile. Her eyes tightened in response. She noticed his breathing was labored.

"I know you probably don't have feelings for me, and I'm okay with that. I wasn't expecting you to," he said nervously. "Like I said, regs." He tried again to clear his throat.

"Joker's full of shit," he said trying to offer her an out.

She raised her left hand and placed it firmly on the back of his neck. He briefly thought she was going to head butt him or lead him to the airlock. His body quivered at her touch, and he inhaled a sharp breath.

She leaned towards him and placed a soft, sensual kiss on his cheek. Her right hand landed on his chest, and she could feel his heart racing. She caught the edge of his lips with hers and felt his breath on her neck as he exhaled. Her heart fluttered; his knees nearly buckled.

She turned away and released the button on the console. Without looking towards him, she left the room and rushed to her cabin. She was in desperate need of a cold shower.

He sat down and slumped into the chair. He drew his fingers through his hair as he sighed. The last thing he needed was Joker in his business. He was a good pilot, but damn was he a loudmouth.

"Shit, Kaidan! She sealed the room. She's never done that before. Hell, I didn't even know you could. I bet you got your ass handed to you. That should teach you not to eavesdrop on the Commander," Joker lectured.

Kaidan sat there in silence with a perplexed look on his face. He collected his thoughts before heading down to the mess. Shepard came out from her cabin in her N7 jacket and pajama bottoms. No shoes; she hated shoes. He had a fleeting thought of her not wearing anything underneath but pushed it out if his mind as soon as it entered.

She sat down at the table and ate her chow. The group was loud and she just sat there taking in the conversations. She refused to look at him, and he kept his eyes on his tray. She finished in a hurry and excused herself. He watched her feet as she walked to her quarters.

**XoXoX**

He had trouble sleeping that night. Everything he had heard echoed through his mind. "When did Joker start calling her 'Elle'? Do I come off as gay? And how the hell did Joker figure it out? He spends most of his time running his mouth. He was right about Ash though. She's way too wild for me."

He thought about punching that Taco guy in the face, whoever he was. "Has she kissed him like that?" he fumed. "Had she really kissed me like that?" he questioned. His self-doubt was getting the best of him.

He hated being jealous, but eventually, he was able to settle down with thoughts of home. His mind drifted back to his last trip to Vancouver. There was a nip in the air from the first potential snowstorm of the winter that was pushing in.

He sat by the fire with an old history book on World War Two. His parents sat on the couch under a blanket snuggling and holding hands while he read out loud to them. His mother had made hot cocoa, and he would stop occasionally to take a sip.

Suddenly, Shepard was there. She was seated next to him by the fire wearing one of his old comfy sweaters. It engulfed her. There was a steaming mug held up to her lips. Both knees were pulled into her chest. She smiled at him warmly from behind the cup.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder to pull her close. Leaning over, he placed a warm kiss on her temple. He rested his head on hers as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

><p>This is an AN in response to a guest review (glad you're liking it) that I sadly can't reply to so I'm putting it here. (And for anyone else who felt the same)

I didn't intend for it to seem as if Kaidan was worried about whether others perceived him as gay. It was meant as his stream of consciousness and something he really hadn't thought about before until Joker pointed it out. Not that it mattered to him; it was just a fleeting thought.

I'm very pro-M!Shenko as you can tell from my other works! And I like to think that in the future, (RL, as well as in ME) that sexual orientation is so arbitrary that it doesn't matter one bit. In my headcannon, Shepard is so Captain Jack Harkness-like that it wouldn't matter anyway. Off my soapbox!


	18. Krogan Can Bluff

A/N: Ashley teaches Wrex how to play poker and the Normandy heads to Therum.

* * *

><p>She was not sure how long she had been asleep when a nightmare startled her. She sat up in the darkness and took a few calming breaths. Wiping the crumbs of sleep from her eyes, she crawled out of bed.<p>

The Normandy was always a lot quieter during the third shift. She figured it was because everyone was too afraid to risk waking her. She was as soft as they came, until you pissed her off. And the fastest way to do that was to wake her.

She had difficulty sleeping after Eden Prime. The nightmares came in waves, unexpected and ferocious. The doc had offered her pharmaceuticals, but she refused. The last thing she needed were more things messing with her head.

Everyone onboard knew of her troubles. It was an unspoken rule that you did not wake the Commander. Pressly was the only one who risked it, but that was only during emergencies.

She had fallen asleep on the couch in the lounge one afternoon. It was the day after the poetry op and she was dog tired. Wrex and Barret failed to notice her when they walked in. They were arguing over guns mods and made a commotion.

They must have woke her during a dream, because she jumped up swinging. She clocked Barret good with a left hook. He wore the punishment under his eye for a week, purple and blue painting his face.

She was going in for a head butt on Wrex, but he managed to hold her at arm's length until they were able to calm her. They thought she must have been sleep fighting because her eyes were glazed over.

Everyone had gotten the message after that: _You don't wake Shepard._

She grabbed a cup of tea before making her way to the lounge. She was startled when she saw Ashley sitting at a small table trying to teach Wrex how to play poker. His three digit hand fumbled the cards when he looked up at her.

"Shepard," acknowledged Wrex with a nod.

"What's going on in here?" she asked in return.

"Just teaching Wrex how to play poker. You wanna play, Commander?" asked Ashley.

"Sure, deal me in. So what are you two still doing up? I had a nightmare, what's your excuse?

"Same. I dreamed we were attacked by another thresher maw and Freddy lost his leg. Then I lost a leg. Then Wrex lost a leg, but his grew back," Ashley said with a perplexed look on her face.

"Anyway...I went to the mess for a drink and saw Wrex sitting at the table all alone. I didn't want to go back to sleep, so I offered to teach him how to play."

"Couldn't sleep. I was still pondering those 'fuckers'," joked Wrex.

"Which ones, Wrex?" asked Shepard.

"All of them," he said with a hearty laugh. "Enough talk. Let's play. I need some new weapons mods."

After a few hands, he had gotten the hang of the game. Luck was also on his side. In their defense, he was a Krogan and his face was hard to read.

"What's a straight again?" he asked.

"When all five cards are in numerical order," said Shepard through her game face.

"And if they're all from the same...uh, suit?"

"Straight flush," said Ashley as she looked over towards Shepard. "I'm out!" she added.

Shepard folded and threw her cards on the table as she rolled her eyes. Wrex appeared to be smiling when he gently laid down his cards. Shepard looked them over and gave him a sly grin.

"Wrex!" Ashley said annoyed. "That's not a hand. You don't even have a pair!"

"The good news is, I think he's master bluffing, Ash," she said giving Wrex a wink. He let out a low rumbling laugh that vibrated her nose.

"Always last to the party," said Garrus as he entered the room and assessed the situation.

"I was just teaching these motherfuckers how to play poker," said Wrex. "Did I use it right?"

"Almost. We'll work on your tone," Shepard assured him as she rose from her chair. "You can take my seat, Garrus. I'm gonna try to get some sleep."

"Shepard? A word?" asked Garrus following her out of the room.

"What is it, Vakarian? Not enough action? I just got twenties minutes of that from Wrex."

"There's never enough action, but that's not what this is about. Tali and I were wondering if we could run some tests on the Mako? Thing is...we already started," he confessed with a soft voice.

"My mechanics giving you problems?"

"No, nothing like that. The Normandy runs very smoothly, and I get the sense that she's feeling...underutilized."

"You noticed that too, huh? If...no, when...when we find the Doctor, she'll be joining me on the ground team."

"Will I be joining you?"

"Who else is gonna watch our back?" she said with a cheeky smile. "Do me a favor, don't mention any of this to Tali. If you find something, let her surprise me," she added raising her eyebrows before heading into her cabin.

**XoXoX**

"Well Athens was a bust," said Pressly. "We entered the Knossos System about three hours ago. We found some minerals around Archanes. Armeni is scattered with Zeioph graves and as been extensively surveyed: no Prothean ruins. Zakros is too cold. Phaistos is too hot. If she's in the System, my money is on Therum.

"Yep," she said to the confident officer. "What do we know?"

"There is a mining colony on the ground. Population is just under 35,000. But it's highly volcanic. It'll be hard to assess the extent of it until we get close enough for scans. The traffic on the comm buoy we just passed hinted at a possible mass exodus. It could indicate a pending eruption."

"Or maybe Geth activity scared them off. Any data on potential Prothean sites?"

"Nothing in the Alliance database, but there should be information from the mining companies. Don't know if they'd be willing to share."

"I'll look into it. Thanks, Pressly," she said walking towards the comm room. "Joker?"

"Yes, ma'am?" he grumbled through his breakfast.

"You're still chowing? Never mind. Chase, set a course for Therum. Pressly just uploaded the coordinates. We need to be there asap. Time to open her up."

"Aye, aye, ma'am," she replied with evil delight.

"Oh no you don't!" Joker yelled as he scrambled for his crutches. "Don't you dare, Chase. I'll be right there."

* * *

><p><strong>To<strong>: _Spectre Central Command Center_

**Inquiry**: _Mining records for Artemus Tau/Knossos/Therum_

**Spectre**: _Shepard, E.E., A1776-7-4_

**Priority Level**: _1/ASAP_

**Fast Track/Council approval**: _Arterius-335C_

**Detailed description**:_I need access to mining records for Therum in the Knossos System. I have reason to believe that Geth are on the ground or will be soon. The miners may have confirmation or information vital to the search and rescue/arrest of Asari doctor Liara T'Soni, Prothean archeologist. _

* * *

><p>"Wow! Ten minutes? That was fast! It's nice having a Specter aboard," said the navigator over her comms.<p>

"It sure is, Pressly. Have the team go over the information. I want options for LZ's in twenty," she said from the table in her quarters.

"Aya, Commander," he replied.

"Marine team, comm room in thirty," she ordered.

She grabbed an energy bar before heading to the CIC. She did not want Kaidan following her today. She really did not mind, but with Joker on to her, she though it best not to give him any more ammo.

Tali was exiting the elevator when she passed, and they continued up the stairs together.

"I want you on the next mission with me, Tali," she said strongly.

"Really? It will be an honor! No one will believe I fought along side a Spectre," she said with enthusiasm.

"We could use your expertise with the Geth, and I thought the Asari might be more receptive if we had a multi species shore team," she reasoned.

"I will do my best, Shepard."

When they reached the comm room, the rest of the team was waiting.

"We have unconfirmed sightings of the Asari on the ground. She was last seen studying ruins in this area," she said pointing to a map on a screen. "Wrex, Garrus, you'll be with Tali and me on the ground."

"But Commander, you..," protested Ashley. Shepard shot her a look, and she shut her mouth.

"Okay, be by the Mako in twenty minutes. The sun will be setting soon, and there is a chance we may get blown up by an active volcano. Let's try to make it quick."

Kaidan and Ashley let the others exit the room. Shepard was always last. They stood in front of the door blocking her exit. She knew something was up when they refused to move.

"We aren't comfortable with you going without a marine," said Ashley.

"I am a marine," she said raising her eyebrows with a small level of annoyance.

"We'd just prefer if you took one of us along, too," said Kaidan softly. She heard worry in his voice, and saw it in his eyes as she studied them.

"Have you two forgotten who I am? I took on two hundred pissed off Batarian pirates...by...my...self. You don't think I can handle a Turian, Krogan, Quarian, and maybe one crazy Asari?"

"And an army of Geth," Kaidan added.

She sighed and continued, "Wow, it's good to know what you guys really think of me," she said shaking her head in disappointment; hands on her hips, lips pursed.

"What if it's a trap? Is it really just a coincidence that three different aliens just happened to volunteer to help us while we were on the Citadel? Right after you became a Spectre?" asked Ashley.

"I'm not a big fan of my marines questioning my leadership skills. And I think my track record speaks for itself," she said before taking a deep breath and a sympathetic pause.

"I understand your concerns, and I appreciate that you are both watching my back. But I trust them. Maybe not as much as I trust you two, but probably more than I trust Freddy," she joked. "So, trust my judgement."

"We do, Commander," said Kaidan. Ashley nodded in agreement. "It's just that..." he paused. He wanted to say, _"I like you and I'm gonna worry my ass off with you down there alone."_

Instead he said, "We were hoping for some action."

"This won't be our last op, Lieutenant. Are we done here? Okay then. I have an Asari to rescue," she said as she motioned for them to part. They complied.


	19. The Savior Medallion

A/N: Now this is my favorite chapter! Little bit of action, little bit of Shenko fluff! It involves the recovery of a Salarian League of One medallion. Also, first Liara scene.

* * *

><p>"Joker, get us to the Citadel. Now that the doctor is safe, I need to find Admiral Kahoku."<p>

"On it, Commander. Guess what?"

"What, Joker?" she asked with a long audible sigh.

"There's an asteroid belt in our way!"

"So what you're saying is that I shouldn't eat dinner?"

"It's your ship, Commander," he said with a giddy voice that made her a little uneasy.

"I guess a nap is also out of the question?"

"I figured you'd want to sit shotgun."

"That was before I fought some Geth, set off a volcanic eruption, and had an Asari poking around in my brain within the span of two hours. But I'll send Williams up."

"Yeah, no thanks. She'll yell in my ear the whole time or close her eyes and pray."

"Williams, keep Joker company in the cockpit for a few hours."

"No, no no, nnoo. Noooo!"

"Glad to, ma'am," Ashley said upon hearing his objection.

"Do you get off on torturing innocent creatures?" Joker asked.

"Define innocent...that's what I thought. Alenko?"

"His comms are down, ma'am. He's in the infirmary," answered Ashley.

"Another migraine?"

"I think so, not sure."

"He looked fine an hour ago. I'll go check on him later. Give me a heads up when we reach the belt."

"Aye, aye, Commander," Joker said.

She left her terminal and walked towards the stairs. Garrus was at the bottom talking to Tali about the Geth when she passed.

"Hey, Shepard! That was incredible the way you took out the Colossal," said Tali.

"The thresher maw was bigger," she replied dryly.

"Yeah, but we were on foot and not in an armored vehicle," Garrus added.

"A defective armored vehicle," Shepard corrected.

"I've been meaning to discuss that with you," Tali said. "I ran my own diagnostics, you know...for fun. And it turns out that the life support systems were pulling unnecessary energy from the system causing the shields to drain thirty percent faster.

"I estimate that the Mako's shields were only at twenty-six percent when the acid ate through the amour. It was also at a vulnerable area that was overheating due to the increased energy pull. A small adjustment could have made the difference."

"Tell that to Freddy's leg," Shepard replied. "Add your findings to your mission report. Good catch, Tali!"

"Thanks, Shepard. Happy to help," said the young Quarian beaming with pride from within her suit.

"I need to check on Kaidan. We'll talk later," she said as she flashed Garrus a covert smile before continuing on to the med-bay.

Kaidan was laying in the far dim corner. Dr. Chakwas was busy tending to another patient. On second thought, she walked passed him to the storage area where Liara had taken up residence.

She spent a good thirty minutes talking to the new arrival. Her skin was a darker shade of blue under the light from the desk lamp. There were spiky protrusions jetting from the back of her skull. Her bright blue eyes radiated through the darkness. Discolored dots painted her nose like freckles.

"I was not expecting a multi-species rescue team. To be honest, I was not expecting a rescue at all. I had no idea why the Geth were after me. I'm just an archaeologist."

"I'm just glad we could help, and I hope you'd be willing to do the same in return," Shepard said in an assertive yet comforting tone.

"I do not know how helpful I will be. I have not spent much time developing my biotics passed a rudimentary level, but I will try. Most of my free time was spent reading and studying various Prothean data."

"I'm sure that will come in handy. That is all I ask," she said with a smile. "To be safe, I've had lots of biotic training and Alenko is one of the highest spiking L2's in the Alliance. We'll help you anyway we can. And what we don't know, I'm sure Wrex will."

"Thank you, Commander. I hope that you can give my mother a chance to explain herself. The way you described her is not the way I remember her to be."

"When's the last time you saw her?"

"I admit, it has been years since we have spoken. To you that may seem like ages, but to an Asari, it is not."

"I should go, but let me know if there is anything you need?"

"I will, Shepard. And thank you again for saving my life," Liara said as she sat back down at her desk.

Shepard left the room and walked over to Kaidan. He was laying there with his eyes closed when she pulled up a chair. She thought he might be asleep and did not want to risk waking him. When the doctor was finished with her patient, she walked over to update the Commander.

"Just another migraine, Commander. Nothing to worry about." Her words startled him, and he slightly opened an eye to assess the situation.

"I just came to check on you. Go back to sleep," Shepard said quietly so she would not cause him any more pain. Loud noises and bright lights were like daggers stabbing his skull when he had an episode.

"Wasn't asleep. Doc just sent me to la la land," he giggled. "I feel great."

"You need to rest, Kaidan," the doctor said as she walked back to her desk.

"Yeah. I'll come back later."

"No, stay," he said grabbing her by the hand and pulling her back. She sat down as he interlocked his fingers within hers. She thought about pulling away but resisted the urge when she realized her back was blocking any potential view.

"Just for a few minutes, then I have to go, okay?" She liked holding his hand. She hoped it may have made a small dent in his pain. But more importantly, she just liked touching him.

"Did you kill Geth?" he asked slightly slurring from the meds.

"Lots!"

"Next time, you take me," he said demandingly.

"I'll see what I can do, Kaidan."

"I don't like you going out there without me."

"Why is that?" she asked. She knew he was out of it and probably would not remember anything they said. She was curious as to what he would say without a filter. Not that his normal one was that great.

"I worry too much. What if you don't come back?"

"I always come back."

"I really like having you around. No, I need you around," he said with an assurance she had not heard from him before. She attributed his boldness to the medicine.

"I'm right here," she said squeezing his hand.

"Want to go ice skating with me?" he asked before drifting off to sleep as his grip relaxed.

"Yes. Yes, I would," she whispered as she stood up and quietly walked away.

**XoXoX**

"We are about to hit an asteroid belt. Buckle up," Joker announced over the comms system.

"Hey Chief, I'll take it from here," Shepard said after she had slowly made her way back to the bridge.

"Oh..well can I at least stay and watch?

"Are you gonna pray, scream, or cry?"

"Of course not. I have complete faith in Joker...okay maybe not complete faith, but I trust him...okay maybe not trust, but..."

"Yeah, yeah. We get it Williams," Joker interupted. "Now, pipe down. I gotta concentrate."

The two women watched as he weaved the ship through clusters of icy rock; dust particles swirled in their wake. The Normandy whizzed around asteroids the size of skyscrapers, and flew through clouds constructed of pebbles. Huge rocky bodies seemed to part as they passed.

"Ma'am, we are picking up something on the scanners 2000 kilometers to our eleven o'clock," said Pressly.

"What is it?"

"It appears to be...some sort of ship. It's small. Maybe a fighter."

"Is there an active distress call?" she asked.

"No, ma'am. It may be running silent."

"Who stops in the middle of an asteroid belt to run silent? The answer is nobody up to any good. No harm in checking it out, though."

"Are you aware of how shitty our luck has been lately?" Joker asked.

"Point taken. Proceed with causation. Update the navlog, Pressly. Let's see what we've got."

"Aye, aye, Commander," both men said.

A few minutes later, they came up on an old Salarian fighter that was floating gracefully through the belt. There were no life signs detected and the visual showed no pilot. The insignia had worn off years ago.

"Salvage team, prep the gear for launch. I'm going for a walk.

"Can I come?" Ashley asked eagerly.

"I promised Emerson the next one, but he's asleep so I guess it's your lucky day. Unless of course, our streak continues."

"I thought you were exhausted, Commander?" Joker asked with a hint of concern.

"Why do you think I'm taking Williams?...So she can carry me back. Joker, work your magic. I want to be as close as possible."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

**XoXoX**

There was silence over the comms. She closed her eyes and floated effortlessly towards the disabled ship. She wanted to stay like that forever. The Darkness embraced her, and the galaxy seemed to have stopped in its tracks. Her body melted into the cosmos.

"We're almost there," Ashley said pulling her back from the brink of nothingness. "Five more meters...full stop."

"And what do we have here?" she said, glad that she had let Ash take point. "I'm going in."

Ashley waited by the wing as she climbed into the cockpit. Her foot hit the control panel as she entered and the airlock slammed shut cutting her tether. The fighter's engine engaged and gave a forward burst sending her spinning out of control.

"Commander's loose. HER TETHER SNAPPED," Ashley yelled in panic. She was thrown back towards the Normandy but was eventually able to regain control of her thrusters.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, WILLIAMS?" Joker yelled.

"The fighter activated or something. THE DOOR SLAMMED SHUT. IT'S SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL."

"Can you get to her?" Pressly asked.

"NEGATIVE. I CAN'T SEE HER. I, I don't know where she went."

"COMMANDER TO NORMANDY?" Joker yelled through the comms. She did not answer. She momentarily lost consciousness due to the inertia exerted from the spinning ship.

"DAMMIT, SHEPARD, ANSWER ME!" he yelled again. There was only silence from the other end.

"Pull me back in!" Ashley demanded.

"BELAY THAT! You stay out there until you find her Williams," Joker ordered ignoring the chain of command by not waiting for Pressly to respond.

"I can't. I don't see her, it's, it's too dark."

"She's too far from her, Joker. She's heading 38 degrees north at six hundred meters per second. We have to engage before she falls off the short range scanners!" said Pressly.

"Dammit, you have five seconds to get your ass back in here, Ash, or I'm leaving you!" Joker bellowed. "Keep a lock on Shepard!"

"We're pulling Williams in as fast as we can, Moreau," said Gladstone who was manning the outside control panel.

"ALL HANDS ON DECK, CODE BLACK IN PROGRESS," Joker announced over the comms.

"Joker, who is it? Do I need to send medical personnel to the hanger?" ask a worried Dr. Chakwas over the comm.

"It's Shepard. Her...her status is unknown. Standby," he answered helplessly.

"She's in, Joker," said Gladstone.

Joker punched the engines and they spun around in pursuit. Sweat poured off of every inch of his skin. Everyone else collectively held their breath. A code black was nothing to be taken lightly. It meant that someone was floating aimlessly through the black.

"We lost her," said Pressly. "We have her plotted trajector, but she's no longer on the scanners."

"WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?" yelled Joker.

"There's too much debris. The belt is interfereing with her signal. We'd have better luck looking out the window. The Salarian ship may have some sort of stealth system."

Shepard had regained consciousness and began fiddled with some buttons. She had taken some time during N school to familiarize herself with other alien spacecrafts but she only covered the basics. The fighter was much more sophisticated than she had dealt with.

Eventually, she was able to activate the comms system and initiate the inertial dampeners. It helped steady the ship, but it was still hurling out of control. She did manage to fire the rockets and hit an oncoming asteroid.

"I think she's trying to contact us. There's an unidentified frequency coming from somewhere. It must be her...Commander, do you copy?" Pressly asked.

"COMMANDER? Answer me, ELLE!" Joker screamed in fear.

"Stop yelling, Moreau. My head is throbbing," she finally said. "I'm gonna be sic..." she said heaving.

"There you are! We've picked you up on the scanners. Don't you do that to me again!"

"Joker, I'm not really in the mood for a lecture. Now, come and GET ME, DAMMIT!"

"We are thirty seconds out, can you gain control of the fighter?" asked the helmsman.

"Flying Salarian spacecraft was not a big part of my training."

"Really? You'd think an N7 would be better prepa..." Joker said before being cut off.

"SHEPARD!? You are heading straight for an asteroid," Pressly interrupted. "There is no way we can get to you in time. You have to do something," he pleaded.

"OH FUCK! SHEPARD DO SOMETHING," Joker yelled in panic.

"I leave everything to my mother," she said with an eery calm. "Anderson gets Alex," she added with a nervous laugh. No one knew how to respond. For a second, there was only silence.

She saw a League of One medallion hanging from a yellow knob by her head. She reached up and grabbed the ribbon; she placed it around her neck. The knob had an upward pointing arrow painted on it in red and some strange symbols. She hoped it was the Salarian signal for eject and not self-destruct.

"COMMANDER!" she heard Ashley scream.

"DO SOMETHING," Joker begged.

She took a deep breath, blocked out the voices in her ears, closed her eyes, and pulled the release. It sent her shooting out from the fighter. She opened her eyes just in time to watch the hunk of metal crash into the meteor. Ice and debris flew out in every direction. She fiddled around with the buttons on the seat. One slowed her trajectory.

"Someone come and get me. I need to take a nap," she said as she once again lost consciousness due to the head wound she sustained during the ejection.

"I'm coming, Commander," Ashley said from the airlock. Garrus and Tanaka had already suited up and demanded to go with her. She did not resist.

**XoXoX**

Fourteen hours later, Kaidan woke up from his migraine induced stupor. His head always buzzed for a few hours afterwards, but he was used to it. He sat up and threw his legs off the table.

There was a woman on the bed next to him. He wanted to respect her privacy and did not look to see who she was. Shepard was under a twenty-four hour observation for the concussion she sustained. She protested but was outnumbered.

"Look, Commander. Kaidan's awake," said the doctor.

"Hey Kaidan," she said causing him to look over at her lying on the table. She had a medi-gel patch stuck to her bruised forehead.

"How long was I out?" he asked with confusion.

"About eighteen hours or so," Dr. Chakwas replied.

"Don't tell me I missed another firefight," he said with disgust, wincing at the sight of her bruise.

"There was fire alright," Shepard said dryly. "I got into a little tussle with Wrex," she lied.

"WHAT?! What happened?" he asked in shock. The two women shared a laugh at his expense.

"I was joking. But the aching would probably be similar."

"Seriously, what happened? Ugh...I hate missing things," he complained.

"We spotted an old Salarian fighter in an asteroid belt. Williams and I went to investigate. Long story short: I activated it, my tether snapped, and I went hurling into a meteor. Luckily, this medallion saved my life and I ejected before impact," she said holding it up with pride from the ribbon around her neck. "But not without getting my skull crushed in the process. My helmet is toast," she explained.

"If it were anybody else, I wouldn't believe it," he said with a sly smile.

"Hell, I lived through it and still don't," she laughed.

Doctor Chakwas finished running diagnostics on Kaidan before releasing him from his medical hold. "I'm going for coffee. Would you like something, Commander?" she asked softly.

"I would love some of that Asari tea Liara offered everyone," she said.

"Me too. If you don't mind," added Kaidan.

"Very well," she said before exiting.

Shepard smiled softly as she looked down at her datapad.

"I think you're allowed a day off, Commander," he said playfully after noticing her smile.

"No time. Have to find the next meteor to storm."

"Okay, what's with the smile?" he asked, confident that it had something to do with him.

"Nothing, nothing at all," she said flashing him a cheeky grin.

"Spill it!"

"I was just looking forward to the date you promised me."

He blushed as he tried to speak, but nothing came out. He swallowed nervously. He attempted to recall their conversation. "Was it the drugs?"

"You promised to take me ice skating. Drugs or not, you can't back out now."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he said softly. "Have you ever been?"

"You don't see much snow on an Alliance vessel."

"Yeah, I would guess not. I should take you to Vancouver sometime. It snows all winter long," he said before hoping he had not been to forward.

"I always wondered what it would be like to experience seasons."

"You would look beautiful in the snow," he blurted out from the fantasy playing in his head. "Did I say that out loud?" He shook his head in disbelief.

"Afraid so, Lieutenant," she said.

"I really should work on that. Spitting things out before thinking first."

"I find it endearing," she said flashing him another smile. Her sultry voice made him melt. Every muscle in his body tingled as he blushed.

"What did I miss?" asked the doctor as she entered.

"I was telling Kaidan here that I have never been ice skating. Have you?"

"Oh yes. We went several times a week when I was a child. There was a small pond behind my house that would freeze solid in the winter," she said.

The three spent over an hour exchanging stories of their childhood. Dr. Chakwas was glad Shepard had finally put down her datapad. She began to doze off, and the other two allowed her to finally get some much needed rest.

* * *

><p>*600 meters per second is about 1340 miles per hour. Not very fast considering the International Space Station travels at something like 17,000 mph. And the Normandy can travel over 300,000,000 meters per second, which is the speed of light.<p> 


	20. Invasion of the Hanar

A/N: Thank you all for liking and reading this far! November updates are going to slow down a bit due to NaNoWriMo, but I still intend to post at least one chapter a week. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>"So, Commander? Did you 'link' with that Asari prostitute?" Joker asked from the mess table.<p>

"Nope."

"Did you sleep with her then?"

"First of all, she's a consort, not a prostitute."

"So, that's a yes? In my mind, you did. So, it doesn't matter what you say."

"Joker, you are one sick motherfucker," Ashley said.

"Insult or compliment?" Wrex asked. Joker said compliment and Ashley said insult.

"Sorry to disappoint, but nothing happened, Joker," Shepard admitted.

A sense of relief bathed Kaidan as he sat silently to the side. He wondered if Joker had asked just to piss him off. He was sure the pilot really wanted to know, but it may not have been the only reason for asking.

"How did it go with Admiral Kahoku?" Garrus asked with concern.

"As could be expected. I had to tell him his whole team was wiped out. That is not easy news to break."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for moral support," he added. "I had to attend to some business at C-Sec headquarters. You know, updating my address. I hope I made up for it by helping you and Dr. Michel."

"Every little bit counts, Garrus." She gave him a smile that made Kaidan scream inside. Up to that point, he had only seen her smile at him like that.

"And thanks to you two for helping me run my errands," she said nodding towards Kaidan and Ashley.

"What errands?" Joker asked.

"Let's see...today I saved a proselytizing Hanar from being arrested. I almost got blown up by an embezzling super computer. I helped a reporter get a scoop, how she talked me in to that, I can't say. I worked with a Salarian to perfect his cheating device. And took a few photos with my adoring fans."

"I'm glad I'm not a Spectre," said Wrex with a chuckle.

"I'm sure the whole galaxy is glad for that, Wrex," replied Garrus.

"Alright, I am going to set a course for our next destination, and then hit the bottle," Shepard said as she stood. She was still wearing her armor and had her guns strapped to her back. "If you'd like to join me, I'll be in the lounge in ten."

Fifteen minutes later, she walked through the door. She had used the extra five minutes to grab a shower and change. Her hair was wet and dripped on her sweater. And, as usual, she did not bother with shoes.

Kaidan spotted her first, but only because he was watching the door like a hawk. He wanted to be the first to give her a drink, but Liara had beaten him to it. He had a feeling the Asari was smitten with her. Not that he could blame her if she was.

"A toast to passing the 'surprise' inspection!" she said raising her glass.

"And to the best Commander in the fleet," added Fredricks.

"Here, here," everyone said as they drank.

After a few more rounds, Shepard pulled Liara aside. "I wanted to talk to you privately for a moment," she whispered in her ear. Kaidan went green with envy. They walked into the hallway before Shepard continued.

"We are heading to Noveria. I just wanted to give you a heads up because that is where the last known sighting of your mother took place," she explained.

Kaidan had slyly followed them out and stood quietly behind Liara. Shepard peered at him with a neutral expression. She could tell he was jealous and decided against telling him to leave.

"I understand, Shepard. I appreciate you taking the time to inform me. What is the plan?" she asked with a little fear hidden in her voice.

"I still plan on giving her a chance to explain. But that is meant only as a courtesy to you. If she tries something, I won't hesitate to take action."

"If my mother truly is working for Saren, then I won't stand in your way." They both nodded in agreement before Liara returned to the lounge.

"Noveria, huh?" Kaidan asked when he had her attention.

"Yeah, I hear it's cold. Maybe we'll get a chance for you to teach me how to ice skate," she said.

"With Geth on the ground, I doubt we'll have much time for anything but squeezing triggers and blowing things up."

"Now that's what I would call a perfect first date," she said playful raising an eyebrow.

He smiled at her and said, "I'll remember that." Changing the subject back to Liara, he continued, "If the intel is accurate, it's going to be hard on her."

"I don't know what I would do if I found out my mother was working with a homicidal maniac."

"I'm sure your friendship will help get her through it," he said with jealousy tangled in the words.

"OUR friendship," she said correcting him with a warm look on her face. "I want you on the ground with us."

"I appreciate the vote of confidence."

"Come on, let's get back in there," she said as she placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. They had been serving together for over two months now, but his heart still fluttered with every touch. And his feelings were only increasing.

**XoXoX**

Liara was fuming when they got back to the Normandy. Her mother was dead, but she was still too mad at her to grieve. After the debriefing, Shepard invited her to her cabin.

"How could she have done this? Why did she make us kill her. I just don't understand," she said with tears of anger pouring down her cheeks.

They were sitting at the small round table. Shepard moved her chair closer so that she could place an arm around her shoulder. It was a comforting move that she hoped was not misconstrued.

"I'm beginning to think that she did not have a choice, Liara. She was clearly indoctrinated."

"How do you fight an enemy that infiltrates your mind?" questioned the blue skined doctor.

"I don't know, but I plan to find out."

"Sorry to bother you, Commander, but there is a jellyroll banging on the docking bay door. Well, he's not banging...it's more like sliming. You want me to send a guard out?" interrupted the helmsman over the comms.

She grunted before replying, "No, it's fine I'll handle it, Joker. Tell him I'll be right there."

"Aye, Commander."

"Kaidan, Tali, will you come up to my cabin for a few minutes?"

"I'll be right there, Shepard," Tali replied.

"On my way, Commander," answered Kaidan.

The outside indicator beeped and she told them to enter. "I have some errands to run. Do you mind sitting with Liara, until I get back?" she asked.

"We'd be happy to," Tali replied for the both of them. Kaidan nodded in agreement.

"Thanks guys. Ash, meet me on the bridge."

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

The women carried an awkward box around customs and delivered it to Opold the Hanar shopkeeper. Ashley did not understand the soft spot Shepard had for the big pink floating "jellyfish", as she called them. And she was not surprised to learn that Shepard smuggled something in for him.

When pressed, her only reply to inquiries on the subject of her infatuation was, "This one likes the way they enunciate." Joker thought it was because of her love for aquatic things. Even Shepard admitted that they looked like giant jellyfish.

"I'm glad that Parsini woman arrested the Salarian sleaze ball. I mean, did you see the way he was staring at me?" Ashley asked.

"I'm pretty sure he was staring at the gun in your hand, Ash. Or did you miss the whole 'welcome presentation' they gave us?"

"You mean the one where they tried to shoot us for bringing our guns in? Yeah I remembered," she answered.

"He may not have been a sleaze ball, but he definitely was an asshole."

"Amen to that, Commander."

When they got back to the ship, Wrex was in the cockpit with Joker. Ashley went down to the armory to store her guns while Shepard checked in on their timeline for departure.

"We should be clear in twenty minutes, but it won't be soon enough," Joker said.

"You don't like the cold?" she asked.

"God no! It makes my bones ache. You know, on account of all the fractures," he answered, rolling his eyes at her and the disease that afflicted him.

"It's good that we're heading out then. Only one more lead to chase down."

"Feros?"

"Feros."

"I hope setting the last rachni queen free won't bite you in the ass, Shepard," Wrex said.

"Well if she betrays me, then at least the Krogan will get some more target practice," she said with a cocky bravado.

"If that's the case, I hope she does. Heh," he laughed.

"Okay, Shepard. We're all set, takeoff in twenty."

"I gotta get back to my cabin. Liara is very shaken up."

"She's tough. She'll be fine," Wrex said.

"I think so too, Wrex. She'll just need some time."

**XoXoX**

"Entering the Hercules System now, ma'am," said Pressly.

"What's our eta to Feros?"

"Just over a day."

"Commander? Admiral Hackett is on the comms for you," said the pilot.

"Thanks, Joker. I'll take it at my terminal."

A few minutes later, she informed Pressly to change course. "We need to recover a data module from Eletania. It has information on the Geth and is a top priority."

"Yes, Commander," he replied.

"How far out are we?"

"About seven hours, but from the nav charts, its location will not have sunrise for nine."

"Alright, make sure I am up in six."

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

**XoXoX**

"I really wanted to adopt one of those space monkeys," Fredricks said after the mission debrief. "But Shepard said no."

"We already have enough monkeys on board. Where would we have put it?" she asked.

"He could sleep with me in the sleeper pods. And sit on my terminal when I'm on duty."

"The last thing we need is a stinky animal that throws his poop everywhere," said Ashley in protest. "We already have one on board; we call him Joker."

"Ouch...that's a low blow, Ash," he replied over the comms system.

"But you have a fish, Commander," Fredricks blurted out.

"He takes up less than a cubic foot. A poop flinging monkey would be disastrous," she said justifying her pet.

"Who knows what kind of diseases it carries," added Tali.

"I agree with Shepard," said Garrus.

"So do I," said Wrex. "We got enough pyjaks around here."

"Just be thankful I brought you along, Freddy. The doc wanted you sidelined for another week. Choose your battles."

"But they were so cute," he whined.

"When you get your own ship, you can have all the shit throwing monkeys you want, but not on mine," she said with a look that caused him to drop the issue.

"We'll be at Feros in twelve hours. The colony of Zhu's Hope was attacked by Geth. I want to know what the hell Saren was after. Expect heavy resistance in the area. Kaidan and Liara will be with me. Team two will be Ashley, Tali and Garrus."

"The planet is known for its huge collection of Prothean ruins. Most of it has been looted for centuries. I cannot image that there is anything left that would be of value to him," Liara commented.

"There is also a big research facility run by Exogeni. Who knows what unthinkable experiments they conduct there. Especially after our discoveries on Noveria ," Kaidan added.

"I want to be on the shore party," Fredricks said assertively.

"Negative. When you are one hundred percent, you can rejoin the ground team. In the meantime, I need you here."

"But I'm ninety-nine percent, and you let me go to Eletania"

"That was supposed to be a salvage mission. We will be hitting Feros guns hot. And since when does ninety-nine equal one hundred?" she asked with an irritated tone. Staring at him intensely, she waited for a response.

He looked at her nervously after realizing he crossed the line. He did not dare say another word. The rest of the crew held back a laugh at his expense; it was fun to see her fuming when it was directed at someone else.

"We were almost ambushed on Eletania when you stopped to pet the monkeys," she teased as everyone gave in and joined her with a chuckle. "I don't need a repeat; I need you at your best. And I know you will be soon. Stay on board and help Felawa guard the Normandy."

"Yeah, you never know when a Hanar will invade," Joker chided.


	21. Getting To Know You

A/N: The aftermath of Feros. Links with Asari, a late night talk with Kaidan, and morning briefs with Pressly.

* * *

><p>Their minds joined. Thoughts reverberated in every direction. Their emotions were linked. Pain, fear, anger, terror. Images of death flashed through Shiala's mind and burrowed into Shepard's. The green tinted Asari was the cipher.<p>

Their heartbeats synchronized; their breathing became labored. Thousands of years of Prothean civilization poured into her subconscious. Culture, language, history. Then abruptly, the connection ended.

**XoXoX**

"How long was I out?" she asked Kaidan who was sitting by her bed studying a datapad intently.

"Hey, Shepard! Just a few hours. You collapsed after the debrief. Wrex carried you to the med-bay."

"Oh great, he's never gonna let me live that down."

"I wouldn't be too sure." He leaned in to whisper, "He tripped and almost dropped you down the stairs. Everyone was sworn to secrecy." They laughed softly.

"I think it was easier this time. Liara must be getting the hang of it," she said.

"Did it make more sense to you? Did the cipher help?" he asked with curiosity.

"Yeah, everything is a bit clearer now. How is she?"

"She's fine. She went to take a nap. She didn't appear as tired this time around, but I'm sure a nap will do her good."

Shepard nodded as she slid her legs down from the table. She stretched her arms, and they walked out of the infirmary. She told Kaidan to sit as she went to the galley. The Normandy looked deserted.

She sat down across from him and slid him a cup of Asari tea. The deck was quiet and they were alone. How that happened, she did not know. For a moment, she thought she may have still been asleep. Or dead and he was her cosmic reward. Wishful thinking.

"What was it like? Linking with Liara and Shiala, I mean," he said unsure if he should have asked. She picked up on a hint of jealousy, but she could not tell who it was directed at. The words were also inquisitive.

"Uh, it was intense, obviously. But I think you all saw that. If it hadn't been for the content that was exchanged...it might have even been pleasant. I could feel their spirit or their essence...I don't know."

"So you think you would have enjoyed it? Well, if it wasn't for the reaper shit?"

"I don't know. I could see the appeal of it all. Melting into another person; feeling how they feel. It was like we were experiencing the others' thoughts and feelings and emotions," she said before taking a sip of the orange, sweetly flavored, concoction. It burned her lips and she flinched. "Hot!"

"Would you want to do it again?" he asked before taking a drink himself.

She carefully contemplated the question. "With Liara?"

"Yeah, I guess...or with anyone."

"If it was with someone I really cared about...maybe. Or if it was with someone I was connected to on a really deep level," she said with an intense look on her face.

"I guess it's something you have to experience to understand."

"It was intimate. Like scary intimate. There have only been a few people I have ever felt completely comfortable with. And maybe only one or two of those who I would have wanted to share my soul with."

"Am I in that group?" he asked jokingly, half expecting her not to answer.

"Yes," she answered with a directness that made him a little uneasy.

"I...I'm not sure what to say about that," he said extremely humbled. He shook his head in disbelief. She made him so uncomfortable at times, but she also gave him an overwhelming sense of serenity.

"I haven't had many nights like, you know, like that. And now here we are like awkward teenagers fighting with ourselves so that we don't break the rules and get sent to our rooms," she said laughing in frustration.

He was relieved by her admission. She was experiencing the same internal struggles that he was, and her mixed signals had not been intentional. He finally knew for sure that it was real; he had not imagined the connection between them.

"Anderson was another. He's been like a father to me. And believe it or not, Garrus is moving up the list."

"Garrus?" he asked surprisingly. Anderson he understood, but a Turian?

"Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but I feel like I've known him forever. Like we were twins separated at birth or something. I wouldn't have expected that kind of bond to transcend species...but it does."

"Now that you mention it, you two do seem kind of close," he said, a bit relieved she had referred to him as a sibling. "Do you think you could ever date an alien? Or maybe love one?"

"Six months ago, I would have said no. But the ones we picked up...they're like family now forged in blood. Like I said, I know those feelings can transcend species now. Whether or not I will have them is an entirely different question. But I have a hard enough time with Humans. Why would I want to complicate it further?"

"Why? Because love is love."

"Sure, I guess there is that...but what about you? I've seen you drool over your fair share of Asari?" she asked with a sly grin.

"You noticed? Of course you did, you're Shepard...I can fully appreciate the female form...regardless of skin color or species," he chuckled nervously. "Hey, it's not my fault they wear such revealing outfits."

"And here I pegged you for an ass man."

"Well, I guess it depends on who it's attached to," he said raising a flirty eyebrow. She blushed and looked away.

"What are you guys still doing up?" asked Gladstone as he walked in the mess and sat down for his lunch break.

"We were just discussing the intricacies of interspecies relationships. You care to weigh in?" she asked.

"Nope!" he said without hesitation.

She laughed and said, "Good answer!"

"Mid mission insomnia, Lieutenant," Kaidan answered.

"You know if there is anything I can do, just say the word, Alenko," said Gladstone. He pulled double-duty in the infirmary.

"I will keep that in mind, Harvey," he said.

"I think I'll go read some mission reports and hope they bore me to sleep," said Shepard. "Worst case scenario...I reach for that Asari poetry."

"Goodnight, Commander," both men said unintentionally in unison.

"Goodnight, boys."

**XoXoX**

"We should arrive at the Citadel tomorrow afternoon," Pressly said as he sat across from the table in the captain's quarters. He always started the day by briefing her on the previous shift's reports. Usually, there was not much, but it soon became more of a routine than a requirement.

He would push the button by the door announcing his presence. She was always seated at the table half way through her first cup of black gold when he entered. Recently, he starting bring in his breakfast and they would swap war stories before duty.

He found her easy to talk to despite their age gap. When they discussed their contributions during the Blitz, she always put more emphasis on his service. He found it comforting that she often thanked him for doing his job. He knew she really valued every member of her crew, and it made him respect her even more.

No topic was off limits. They discussed everything from politics to their childhoods. He was a little more old-fashioned than she or Anderson were, but she appreciated his perspective. As her second-in-command, he was invaluable in his knowledge and experience.

"I put in a requisitions request for a new Mako. We obviously got a dud," she said peaking over her coffee mug.

"That should make the technicians happy," he replied. "But with the bureaucracy, we shouldn't hold our breath."

"I never do'" she said as she looked up briefly from a datapad. "What was the status of our last IES dump?"

"Green lights across the board. Adams thinks that last week's anomaly was due to a computer glitch and not the heat sink."

"I still want to run complete systems diagnostics when we dock. I don't want to get boiled in my own skin the next time we vent the engines."

"Yes, Commander. I agree. I'd rather go out with a bang than a sizzle."

"I second that," she said as she rose from the table.

They walked to the mess. There was a bigger crowd than usual as Liara and Kaidan told tales from Feros.

"I still can't believe they fired at you," said Chase from a chair at the other end.

"It was frustrating trying not to shoot back, but we knew they were innocent casualties at that point," said a sympathetic Kaidan. "What I can't believe is that Shepard saved them all," he boasted with his back to her.

"Hey Commander, I wish you would have taken me along," complained Fredricks. It caused Kaidan to spin around in surprise to view the new arrivals.

"Hey Commander, Pressly," Kaidan said with a returned nod.

"There were already enough people I had to resist shooting, Fred. I didn't need another," she joked. Secretly, he enjoyed her attention. Even if he had to be the comic relief to get it.

"You saved their colony, got them food and water, fixed their energy problem, and they turned around and fired," said a perturbed Greico.

"It was not their fault, Marcus," said Liara. "They were being controlled by that Thorian creature. They were...they were like my mother." Everyone quieted a moment out of respect for her. She had not been aboard long, but she fit in effortlessly with everyone.

"The important thing was that we severed its control, gained more info on Saren, and saved a colony," Kaidan added changing the subject.

"And I received the cipher to the fucked up images in my head," Shepard exclaimed without thinking. She looked up from her tray to find everyone's eyes on her. "I, uh, meant that I linked with a green-skinned Asari."

Kaidan guessed correctly that she must have had a nightmare that night. She was always a little more direct and unfiltered the day after. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation. A twinge of guilt crept in as he remembered his part in activating the beacon on Eden Prime. He still blamed himself for her discomfort.

"WAIT! They come in green?" asked Joker. "I...think I left something in my bunk. Be back in ten".

"And she had clones," Liara added not helping his situation.

"Kaidan tried to get their numbers but was vetoed when they started firing," Shepard teased. Unlike Fredricks, he did not enjoy public humiliation.

"You took down one of the Geth ships too," said Tali with excitement.

"Sure did. And the Thorian."

"For a minute there, I thought we were going to be overrun," said Pressly.

"Yeah, when the colonists started banging on the door, I thought Freddy here was gonna loose it," Felawa chided.

"I'm sorry if I have a problem shooting at civilians," he barked back.

"Aren't you glad I assigned you guard duty? You may have saved the whole colony from this trigger happy Fella," she said pointing at Felawa who sat two chairs away.

"Just doing my part, I guess," he answered with a shrug.

"Alright, we'll be at the Citadel tomorrow. I'm implementing a modified Liberty rotation. We'll be running a full systems check, so I'm not sure how long we'll be docked."

"You gonna go dancing, Shepard?" Joker snickered.

"No, but I wouldn't mind a few drinks. We've had a few tough ops there, and I think everyone deserves some shore leave...Although, I may go dancing," she teased.

"Just say when and I'll be there. You know, for moral support. Not to laugh or anything," he added dryly.

"I, for one, am looking forward to some shore leave. Especially since we didn't get any the last time around," commented Tanaka.

"We haven't made port in what, five weeks? Everyone will get theirs. Plus what they missed last time. Sound fair?" she asked. Everyone grumbled in agreement as they traveled faster than light towards the epicenter of galactic achievement.


	22. Father Figure

A/N: Kaidan and Shepard have a quiet dinner with Anderson, who hasn't lost a step since being moved to desk duty.

* * *

><p>"Who wants to join me as I convince a stubborn former Lieutenant to go to rehab?" she asked as she slowly assembled her armor. "The guy used to serve with my mother on the SSV Einstein. I loved that ship. Anyway, she asked me to look out for him," she explained.<p>

"I'll go," Kaidan said without hesitation. He hoped he had not sounded too eager.

"Me too," said Ashley as she smiled with excitement. "It'll be nice to help someone who's not shooting at us for a change."

"What's his name, Shepard? I may know him from my C-Sec days," said Garrus.

"Ernesto Zebaleta. He's about my mother's age," she answered.

"Doesn't ring a bell, but I could ask around if you'd like."

"No, it's okay. I don't want to announce his business to the galaxy. If we need back up, I'll holler," she said with a smile.

The three marines made their way to the Ward Access corridor. He was standing in the same place she had left him an hour ago. His hand was out stretched begging for money and he reeked of alcohol. Ashley drank a lot, and she even gagged at the smell.

**XoXoX**

"Mission accomplished," Shepard declared as they walked away. Her persuasion knew no bounds. "I promised Anderson I would drop in to say 'Hello'. You are welcome to join me."

"I'm in," Kaidan said. Again, hoping he had not sounded too eager.

"I think I'm going to head back to the Normandy, if that's okay, ma'am. I promised Joker I wouldn't disturb him while he ran his system checks...I lied as usual," she admitted.

After three months on the boat, she was convinced that there was something between her two CO's. There was little doubt that Alenko had feelings for her; Shepard, on the other hand, was a lot harder to read. However, she was not about to butt into their affairs, and she refused to tell anyone else of her suspicion.

She thought it best to give them some space to be safe. It is what she would have wanted if the tables were turned. Besides, she had a "date" with Joker. She loved pissing him off, and he secretly enjoyed giving her hell right back.

"Sure thing, Chief. We shouldn't be long. Although he may invite us for dinner. He loves me, you know!" she said braggingly.

"Yeah, we know," Ashley replied as she rolled her eyes.

When they arrived at his office, he was yelling at someone over the comms. She assumed it was that prick Udina. He did not yell much, but she knew he had it in him when pushed. She was glad she never had the need to.

"Sorry about that, Commander," he said after cutting the comms. His disheveled appearance was uncharacteristic of him.

"It's nice seeing you in action again, sir," she said with a devilish grin.

"You know I hate it when you call me 'sir'," he said with a playfully stern look on his face.

"Yep," was all she said before giving him a big hug.

Kaidan hung back unsure of what to say. He decided on nothing as he stood there in silence. Shepard was much better with words than he was, and he usually let her do the talking.

After they had finished with their updates, the mood became serious with talk of Virmir. It was the only other lead they had on Saren, and Anderson insisted on making sure she had everything she needed to defeat him.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Shepard? Other than the IES glitch, have you found any more bugs?" he asked.

"I was hoping for a new Mako. There was a malfunction in her armor, and it was roughed up by a thresher maw," she replied. "I put in a request, but who knows when they'll get around to it."

"Consider it done. Anything else?"

"Other than that, everything is perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better vessel...or crew. You did a hell of a job picking them," she said glancing towards Kaidan.

"How long will you be docked on the Citadel? You know you are always welcome to stay with me, Elle."

"We should be leaving in a few days. Thank you for the offer but someone has to make sure Joker doesn't run off with her again," she said with a contagious laugh.

"Well since you have some time to kill, why don't you two join me for dinner?"

Kaidan hesitated, but Shepard wasted no time answering for both of them. "We would love to," she said. He could only nod in agreement.

The Captain took them to his favorite restaurant. There was a line outside but they walked right in. He had reserved a table as soon as he got word that she would be docking on the Citadel. He took the liberty of ordering for them. Kaidan was hesitant but Shepard trusted his pallet.

"Is this real steak?" Kaidan asked with surprise.

"It sure is," Anderson replied. "They have it flown in from a nearby colony once a week. It's one of the few comforts from home I get to enjoy."

"Cow, it's been too long," said Kaidan to the piece of meat on the tip of his fork. He placed the bite into his mouth and savored every morsel as it danced on his tastebuds. "Mmmmm!"

"You weren't kidding when you said you liked steak," Shepard said raising her eyebrows. He nodded and returned her gaze.

The mixture of steak and beer impaired his judgement. She felt his knee graze against hers and she smiled. Without thinking, he slowly outstretched his leg and let it brush against hers.

His confidence grew when she did not pull away. Instead, she did the same and stretched both her legs towards him. She cradled his calf with her ankles. Tenderly, she rubbed the armor on the back of his lower leg with the hard toe of her boot.

Above the table, his eyes were fixed on his plate. The Volus waiter refreshed their glasses, but he failed to notice. Shepard and Anderson were discussing Citadel politics. It was a subject he cared little for, although he was interested in her views on things and welcomed any opportunity to get to know her better.

"Oh, Shepard? I spoke to your mother the other day. She asked about you and wanted me to let you know she was thinking of you," relayed Anderson.

"I talked to her this afternoon actually, and she wanted me to give you her love."

"Tell her it was well received," he said with a kind voice.

"You knew her father, right Captain?" Kaidan asked nodding his head in her direction.

"That's right, Alenko. We fought together during the First Contact War. He owed me half the Star he was awarded," he said with a deep laugh.

"In a vid I have of him, he said as much. If my grandparents hadn't requested it, she probably would have given it to you. It's on Earth somewhere. I remember seeing it as a child when we visited one year."

"I would never have been able to accept."

"If anything happens to me, I want you to have mine, Anderson. Kaidan, you're my witness," she said looking over at him stoically.

Kaidan crinkled his face in response to the idea of her dying. He shook his head and said, "I'll be right behind you through the pearly gates, Commander. You have a bad habit of taking point." He flashed her a flirty smile that did not go unnoticed by the observant Captain.

"I thought your skills served you well on my six. Can you image the chaos if I let Wrex take over?" she said playfully.

"Having problems with the Krogan?" Anderson asked. "If so, you can always throw him out the airlock." They all shared a hearty laugh.

"It's nothing I can't handle. I trust him enough to help me take down Saren, but the rest of the crew still has trouble with that at times."

"I understand where they are coming from and I trust you know what you're doing," he said as he paid the bill.

He walked them to the nearest transport shuttle. They had five minutes until the next one arrived, so Anderson took the time to pull her aside.

"How are you really holding up? Off the record?" he asked

"As good as can be expected, I guess. After receiving the cipher on Feros, everything became a bit clearer. And the nightmares are less frequent."

"That's good news. And you're sure there aren't any problems on board?"

"Surprisingly, no. It seems we _can_ work well with other species," she said dryly.

"Anything else you'd like to talk about?" he asked motioning towards Kaidan.

She began to blush, but was able to control herself before she went past a slight pink shade. She had a confused look on her face. _"Did someone say something to him or did he just sense it?"_ she asked herself.

"I'm not sure what you mean," she replied sheepishly. She hated lying to him, but she was not sure of what else to say. She was not sure of what their relationship was.

"Bullshit," he said without wasting time. "I've known you too long. I don't need to remind you of regs or the fact that he is under your command. But I will say, off the record, that it looks good on you."

She had no idea how to respond. Anderson had handpicked him so he was obviously familiar with his history. _"Was that his way of approving of him? Or was he just being a good friend?"_ she wondered. All she could do was shrug her shoulders.

"I will never question your abilities, your work ethic or your judgement, but I do hope you know what you're doing."

"I don't," she admitted. "There are no rule books for this...only regs that say 'DON'T!'."

"I was in love once. Many, many years ago. We were both Alliance. But it didn't work out for us. Maybe I should have tried harder. Maybe she should have tried harder. Or maybe we should have retired and ran off to some obscure colony to live happily ever after."

"Why didn't you?"

"I don't know...Fear...A sense of duty? All I know is that she's my one regret...I'm not saying what you should do. Maybe it'll work out for you. Maybe it won't. Regardless, you can't let it interfere with your mission."

"That will never happen."

"I know, but it had to be said." He took a deep breath before continuing, "All I'm saying is that you should think long and hard before you go down a road of no return. My guess is you'll have regret either way. You'll just have to choose which one will be easier to live with."

She looked at him with appreciation for his wisdom. He looked back with pride upon being able to dispense it. They smiled and said their goodbye's before they parted ways.

"What was that about?" Kaidan asked once they were seated on the skycar. He thought that he probably should not have asked, but it was too late to take it back.

"Retirement," she replied haphazardly.

"He's thinking about retiring?" he asked with disbelief.

"No, but he told me that he thought about it once."

"Look!" he said pointing out the window towards a purple and blue neon sign. "That's where we first met," he said looking at her with warm, caring eyes. They looked like melted milk chocolate, and she desperately wanted a taste. She resisted the urge to nozzle into his neck or kiss his soft, supple lips.

"And there's where I kicked that guy's ass," she said changing the subject. She spent the rest of the ride regaling him with tales of her conquests. He sat contently by her side taking her all in. When they reached the Normandy, their pleasantly quiet evening was complete.

Joker's voice bellowed through the comms system signaling their return back to the grind. "Why did you order Ashley to come back alone? Couldn't Kaidan have come, too?" he asked. His irritated voice demanded an answer.

"It wasn't an order. She volunteered. Said you needed her help with something," she teased as she laughed on the inside. Her and Kaidan exchanged smiles as he cursed in the cockpit as they passed.

"I'm gonna kill you, Ash!" he yelled spinning to face her sitting in the co-pilot's chair.

"I love you, too, Joker," she mocked.

"Try to get along, you two. We have a long road ahead and you're starting to give me a headache," she ordered back over her shoulder.

"I could lend you some of my migraine meds, Shepard," Kaidan joked.

She laughed as they parted ways at the bottom of the stairs. Their eyes met once more as they both looked back over their shoulders. It was the last time they saw each other that night, but they both joined the other in their dreams.


	23. Mother Figure

A/N: Detours on their way to Virmire. Major Kyle then Momma Shep.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure it's wise to deviate from our intended flight schedule? What if Saren's gone by the time we get to Virmire?" Joker asked hesitantly.<p>

"What if he's already gone, Joker?" asked Kaidan as Shepard shrugged in agreement.

"Look, Major Kyle was the CO of a friend of mine who served at Torfan. I promised I'd look into it...not to mention Hackett asked me personally to negotiate his surrender."

"Yeah...but isn't it something we can do AFTER we kick Saren's ass?" asked Ashley.

"He's already killed TWO Alliance officers, Ash. Any more blood will be on my hands."

"Well then, can't we just tell them to hold off on sending anyone else in until we get there?" Joker asked firmly.

"If you two wanna call Hackett and inform him that instead of following a direct order that we'll be too busy chasing down a lead on a different homicidal maniac...then be my guest. But getting on an Admiral's bad side is not on my 'to do list' for today."

"She's right. It shouldn't take long. I mean it's Shepard. She'll probably have him doing her laundry by sun down," said Fredricks with a laugh.

"I hate to say it, but I agree with Freddy," said Kaidan as he shook his head. "Besides, he's a biotic who's giving the rest of us a bad name. We don't need any more bad press."

"Last time I checked, this was NOT a democracy. So either take us to Century, Joker, or I'll wake Chase up and she can do it. And afterwards, I'll let her push the button on the airlock that hurls your ass into space," she said with a no nonsense tone that made everybody cringe. "Am I clear, Marine?"

"Yes, ma'am...Next stop: the Century System" he said not daring to push her any further.

"Why are you all standing there? Get back to work!" They did not need to be told twice, everyone went scampering for cover. "Eta Pressly?" she asked already having filled her Joker quota for the day.

"About two days, ma'am," he answered.

"How long to Virmire from there?"

"About another eight days. We have to make four relay jumps."

"That should put us there in about eleven, if everything goes according to plan...so let's just say two weeks."

"I hope it's sooner rather than later," he added.

"Me too," she said with a sigh. "We'll need to be more vigilant the closer we get. I don't want him slipping through our hands when we're so close."

"I'll increase the CIC crew by two. That should give us more eyes in the sky."

"Very well."

**XoXoX**

"Pressly, forward the last mission report to Hackett. He'll be happy to know Kyle surrendered without incident."

"Aye, Commander. Anderson is on the comms for you."

"Thanks, Pressly. I'll take it in the comm room."

"I have a present for you," Anderson said with a smile as she came into view.

"What is it?" she asked with hesitation.

"I managed to find you a Mako. Only catch is, you'll have to pick her up."

"I hope it's somewhere close. We are pushing the Normandy's limits trying to make up time to Virmire."

"Pressly sent me your flight plans yesterday. I can have it meet you in the Exodus Cluster. How's that sound? It should only delay you a few hours. I've already uploaded the coordinates to the flight crew," he said confidently.

"It would be a huge help. My mechanics have to work around the clock making repairs after every op. I don't think they can keep up with that kind of workload much longer."

"I wouldn't think so. Especially, if they're pulling double duty like everyone else on board."

"Sometimes triple duty...where are we picking her up?"

"You'll be rendezvousing with the SSV Kilimanjaro. I figured you two could grab lunch while the crew makes the transfer. When's the last time you saw her?"

"Hell...I don't even remember. We send messages every so often. Geez, it may have been after I graduated as an N7. Has it really been that long?" she thought out loud.

"It won't give you time to catch up, but at least you'll get some face time."

"Yes, that'll be nice. Thanks again for helping us out. I'm sure my mechanics will want to pitch in and buy you some of that god awful scotch you like some much."

"Hahaha, I look forward to it! Take care, Shepard. Anderson out."

**XoXoX**

"Docking procedure complete, Shepard. Prepare to board," Joker announced.

"Shepard, are you sure you want me to go with you? Our crew is used to other species walking around the ship, but not the Humans on that dreadnought," said the concerned Turian.

"What's the matter Vakarian? You afraid they'll look at you fun?" asked Ashley.

"Garrus, that's exactly why I want you to come along. Maybe if they see that it's possible to peacefully cooperate and work alongside other species then it will help alleviate some of their fears. It's worth a try anyway," Shepard explained. "And you know how much I like to mess with people!"

"If that's the case, why not bring Wrex?"

"Baby steps, Garrus. I don't want to start a war."

Just then, the airlocks that joined the two ships opened. Shepard, Garrus, and Ashley walked through the doors and boarded the Kilimanjaro. They were greeted by the XO, Hannah Shepard, and the head mechanic.

"Ellie!" her mother said as she wrapped her arms around her. She was always a hugger.

"It's good to see you too, ma'am," she managed to say before her mother nearly squeezed the life out of her. After she was released she introduced the crew she brought with her. "This is Chief Williams and Garrus Vakarian."

"It's nice to meet you both," she said as she studied the Turian. "I heard rumors of your unconventional crew. But I could never get conformation on them."

"He and the rest of my nonhuman crewman have been invaluable to our mission. I hope it's okay that I brought him aboard," she said, looking towards Garrus.

"I don't see any reason why it would be a problem. Can you think of any, Martin?" she said as she looked at the dark haired guard posted by the door.

"No, ma'am," he replied loudly.

"It's only for an hour or so. Jackson, proceed with the transfer procedures. Anderson said that we need to make this quick. We'll be in my cabin if you need us," she instructed as she motioned for her visitors to follow.

"I never imagined you'd have a ship before me, Elliott," she said with both jealousy and pride.

"It kinda fell into my lap, ma'am. Anderson said a Spectre needed a ship," she replied.

"I'd have to agree, Spectre Shepard," she said. This time, there was only pride in her voice. "I know you'll do great things with her!"

"She already has, ma'am," Garrus added.

"No doubt...Here we are! It's a bit small but what isn't on an Alliance vessel," she said as she followed the three guests inside. "So, tell me how you picked up a Turian?"

"I'm not sure how much I can say...He helped us expose a rogue agent. We're working together to bring him to justice," Shepard said with caution.

"I see," she replied as her mind tried to fill in the gaps. "And what about you Ms. Williams?"

"My entire unit was destroyed by the Geth. Shepard found me and brought me aboard, ma'am," the Gunnery Chief answered.

"THE GETH?! Oh my! Leave it to my daughter to take on the Geth," Hannah said as she shook her head. "I'm not surprised she invited you on board. She always had a habit of taking in strays."

"Mother!"

"What? I meant it as a compliment. You have a big heart and always help people in need. You get that from your father," she said with a smile.

"Shepard, we are commencing with transfer procedures," Joker said over her comms.

"Okay, Joker. Let me know if something comes up," she replied.

"I'm so glad you were able to help Zebaleta. I've been worried about him ever since you informed me of his situation," the elder Shepard said.

"I just suggested he get some help. He reeked of alcohol."

"She was great! She persuaded him to go to the Veterans Services office on the Citadel," Ashley said.

"I'm just glad he's getting the help he needs."

There was an awkward silence before a deep voice echoed through the room. "Shepard! There's a problem in the transfer bay. They need you right away!"

Both women answered in unison without thinking, "I'm on my way!"

"Sitrep, Joker," Shepard demanded through her comms.

"A cable snapped off the Mako. You should probably get back here, Commander," he said with a nervous tone.

"You think? I'm on my way...Anyone hurt?"

"Unknown."

"Let's move! Mom, we're heading back to the Normandy," Shepard said as they split at the main elevator.

Hannah nodded as a message entered her ears from her own comms system. "Inform the med-bay," she said as her voice trailed off into the distance.

"Double time!" Shepard said as the three made their way back to the airlock. Yellow hazard lights flickered along the top of the walls. They passed the guard and entered the Normandy.

"Update, Joker," she said when they hit the bridge.

"A cable broke when they were loading the old bitch onto the Kilimanjaro. It crashed into their bay doors which sent some shrapnel flying through the air. Some of their loading crew got hit, but they said it was nothing too serious."

"Did they have a chance to load the new bitch?" Ashley asked before Shepard was able to.

"Negative. Their gonna have to replace the cable. I don't have an eta on that."

"Great...my mom is gonna want to have lunch," she said unenthusiastically.

"How is that a bad thing?" asked Ashley.

"We tend to do better in small increments. Not to mention, the time delay to Virmire. But on the upside, I may get to bring Wrex along," she answered with a smirk.

"Where we going, Shepard?" Wrex asked as they stepped off the elevator into the cargo bay.

"My mother wants to have tea with a Krogan," she answered dryly as she walked over towards Kaidan and the mechanics.

"Looking forward to it," he replied with a hearty laugh.

"What the hell did you do, Lieutenant?" she asked Kaidan with a furrowed brow.

"NOTHING! I..." he objected as she began to smile. "Oh...I am so bad at that," he confessed as they all laughed.

"Any update on how long this is going to take?"

"They said about an hour to change out the cable and maybe twenty minutes to get the new Mako on board."

"Commander, you're maahh...XO Shepard is requesting permission to come aboard," Joker interrupted.

"Granted. I'll be right up...just what I needed," she said heading back towards the elevator.

After a tour of the Normandy and causal introductions with the crew, the two Shepard's sat down for a nice lunch in the mess. There was a crowd that had followed them up from the cargo bay.

"Are your men going to be okay?" Shepard asked her mother.

"Oh, yes. It was just a couple of scratches. Nothing serious," she replied.

"That's good! I do think you're cabin's bigger."

"Yes, but you have free reign over the whole ship," her mother added.

"That's true, but you command a much larger crew that answers directly to you."

"I still answer to the captain," she said with a stern look.

"I still answer to a captain," Shepard snickered back. "Plus Admiral Hackett...and now the galactic council."

"I can't say I envy that. But your crew seems to be top notch. Even the nonhumans," she added as she glanced at Tali who was sitting two chairs away.

"Thank you," a shy Tali said quietly.

"They better be top notch. Anderson handpicked them," Shepard said. "And I picked everyone else," she added flashing a smile towards Garrus who was leaning against a wall.

"You two were always great at judging character. You get that from me," she bragged.

"Really? I thought I got it from Anderson," she mocked.

"I don't know where you got that attitude from though," Hannah chided.

"The N7 on her chest," said Joker as he hobbled in with a tray. Tali stood and gave him her chair.

"Thanks a lot, Joker!" Shepard said with a slightly annoyed tone.

"Joker's peeling potatoes tonight," joked Fredricks.

"No, no, she's had it since she was a child," Hannah corrected regaining control of the conversation. "When she was young, she would make all her little friends call her 'captain' as she barked out orders. And, surprisingly, they obeyed."

"That's not too surprising," said Kaidan with a soft smile in Shepard's direction. She rolled her eyes in protest.

"I suppose you're right, Lieutenant," her mother replied, the glint in his eyes not going unnoticed.

"I think I should be getting you back to your ship, ma'am. They should be about done with the transfer."

"I suppose so," she said as she stood. "You all have a mission to concentrate on, and I won't distract you any longer. It was a pleasure meeting you...all of you," she said smiling at Garrus and Tali.

They respectfully nodded.

"I'm glad we had a chance to visit," Shepard said as her mother stood in the doorway to her ship.

"Me too, sweetheart. I want you to know that I am so proud of you."

"Thanks, Mom," she said as she kissed her cheek.

"Be careful out there!"

"I will, ma'am. You too!"

"And, uh, be careful with him...," she whispered, a stern expression on her face.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked, feigning ignorance.

"I take it, Anderson approves?"

Shepard only shrugged in response. No sense lying about it now, her mother obviously knew. "Are we really that obvious?" she thought.

Her mother continued, "Alliance relationships aren't easy, especially when rank is involved. I know that first hand. If you're going to make that leap...just be sure. I know you always are, but be careful either way."

"I will, and thank you," Shepard said as the door slammed shut. It was the closest thing to a mother/daughter talk that they had had in years. "Joker?"

"In the med-bay," answered Chase.

"Chase, as soon as we're clear, punch it to Virmire. No more distractions!"

"Aye, aye, ma'am. Two minutes and counting."

Shepard walked over to her private terminal and picked up a datapad. "No more distractions," she said softly to herself as she let out a sigh.

They were finally headed to Virmire.

* * *

><p>AN: I don't know if it's visible to anyone else, especially when she was speaking to Joker, but Shepard is starting to get a little more intense. I intended her to be much lighter and paragonish, but I'm writing ahead a little bit and she's somehow going the opposite direction. Anyway, I chalk that up to the stress she's under.


	24. Ash's

A/N: Aftermath of Virmire.

* * *

><p>The comm room was quiet. The dim lights offered her no solace from the days events. Her marine detail sat around in a circle facing her. No one spoke. No one looked up.<p>

She was leaning against the railing in front of a big blank communications screen. Her arms were bent back behind her, hands griping the rail, knuckles snow white. An empty chair stood across from her.

Her gaze was steady upon it. Her mouth, dry; her eyes, hollow. Red cheeks burned in the cool air of the room. Her hair was slicked down from a days worth of sweat. Muscles ached. Heart...heavy.

She dismissed the team thirty minutes ago, but no one dared to leave. Everyone knew she was blaming herself. Everyone knew it was not her fault. And everyone knew she would not listen to reason.

Kaidan was just as distraught. He though that Shepard should have went back for Ashley and blamed himself for her inability to do so. He knew he should have been the one to die on Virmire; Shepard was supposed to choose her.

The guilt consumed him, taunted him, chipped away at his soul. It was their relationship that saved him; it was their undefined feelings that sealed her fate. He buried his face in his hands in shame.

"It wasn't your fault, Shepard," said a soft spoken Garrus. His raspy voice cut through the silence like a hot knife through butter.

She did not answer. She did not move. She did not take her eyes off of the empty chair.

"You had no choice. We all know that," said Liara.

"You saved eighteen lives today, Commander. It was the right call," said a confident Fredricks. Kaidan looked at him with scorn. He returned the look with an apologetic shake of his head. Then added a shrug for good measure.

"They're right," said Joker over the comms. "You did the best you could. That's all any one can do. She...she would have been DAMN proud that she helped save all those lives."

The words fell upon deaf ears. She took deep breaths in an attempt to calm her nerves. She clenched her jaw to keep from releasing a wrathful scream. If she had let go of the railing, she may have fallen on her face. Her legs shook. The room was spinning.

She swallowed hard and focused on the chair in front of her. It was the only thing that kept her upright. The body that usually sat there was gone. Saren had taken it. Like he took the hundreds of bodies on Eden Prime and countless more since then.

Rage filled her mind at the thought. It consumed her. She imagined putting a bullet through his spiky head. She wanted to bash in his brain with her fists. Even that would have been to good for him.

She decided right then and there that she would avenge Ashley's death, and if she had to, she would go to the ends of the galaxy to do so. She swore to herself, that she would do whatever it took to finish what Sovereign had started.

An hour passed. She stood there unwavering. The crew had slowly ventured out one by one. The room grew colder with every exit. Liara was the last to leave. She placed a comforting hand on Kaidan's shoulder as she walked by him.

Her and Kaidan sat there for twenty more minuted before he gained the courage to speak.

"I...don't know that to say," he mumbled as his eyes studied the same patch of floor that they had been since he sat down.

He waited for a reply. Deep down, he knew there would not be one, but he waited anyway. Then he continued, "She...died a hero. That's the best any soldier could have asked for."

"I, I don't know...I wish I could have taken her place," he said as he shook his head. He had trouble discerning if it was the truth, or if it was just something that you were supposed to say. "You should have sent her with Captain Kirrahe..."

He looked over at her longingly. He wanted to comfort her, to hold her and tell her it was going to be alright. He wanted her to tell him that too.

"I...didn't know," she said softly with a blank expression. Her usually vibrant eyes dulled under the weight of Ash's death.

_"Would she have chosen Ash if she could have?"_ he asked himself. His lip quivered at the thought. Was it just dumb luck that saved him on Virmire? He assumed that she had chosen between numbers and not the two of them. And that was okay.

"If I had been with the bomb, you would have saved Ashley," he stated confidently. "It's okay...sacrificing one for eighteen was a call that every leader would have made," he added stoically.

"No...no. I would have saved you," she said. Her contempt echoed off the walls as her eyes bore into him. He looked on with confusion at her sudden change of expression. "I would have went back for you. I would have sacrificed EIGHTEEN people for YOU!"

He froze at her admission. He had a hard time believing her words. He knew she was angry and thought she was just lashing out. He decided to say nothing so that she could get it out of her system.

"I would have chosen you. THAT'S WHAT PISSES ME OFF!"" she yelled. "That's what makes me a bad leader. YOU...you compromised my decision. You could have compromised EVERYTHING. AND I...I should have known better...I'm responsible for her death."

Her eyes fell to the floor with disgrace. For her, saving eighteen lives was not good enough. Anyone else would have taken the credit and the medal that came along with it. But she thought she should have saved everyone.

She hated herself for choosing him. She hated that she took so long making the decision. She hated that one person, one man, could affect her instincts so completely. At that moment, she hated him.

"NO! You wouldn't have. You're angry, you're upset, and exhausted. But I know you, Shepard. I know who you are, and I know you would have saved as many lives as you could...without hesitation. Because that's who you are. That's why we follow you. And that's why you're going to make him pay for what he's done."

He stood from his chair and slowly walked towards her. He turned and leaned up against the railing. Their shoulders were pressed together softly. His heart still raced at her touch.

She closed her eyes and tried to rationalize his words. She knew she did not really hate him; she hated herself and Saren and Sovereign. Yelling at him was cathartic though, but she regretted it.

"I'm sorry," she said with a shameful tone.

"I know," he replied with understanding and comfort.

He really did understand her guilt, her anguish, her pain. He wanted to take it all away, but knew he could not. He needed her to know that he felt that way too. Grabbing her hand, he entangled their fingers.

Her eyes flooded with tears. She did her best to hold them back. Anderson had been the only man she had ever cried in front of. She did not want to make an exception now.

"How could I have ever chosen Ash?" she asked solemnly. The words broke the dam and tears began to wash down her cheeks.

Both knew there was no answer to that. Not now and maybe not ever.

Letting go of her hand, he wrapped his arms around her tired body. He pulled her close and placed a comforting kiss on her forehead. Her arms were pinned against his chest. Salty droplets stained his shirt.

They stayed like that for some time. Neither were in a hurry to return to reality. Only pain awaited them there. For now, they were content in their own little world. Nothing bothered them: no death, no Saren, no choices. Just warmth and understanding, peace and tranquility.

He smelled like Alliance issued soap, crisp and clean. She had not had a chance for a shower and hoped he did not mind the sweat and sulfur that bathed her skin. Soon, the warmth of his chest replaced all her thoughts of inadequacy as it engulfed her completely.

In an instant, everything that ever felt wrong was washed away and replaced by the love she had for him. There was no point in denying it now as the words _"I love you" _repeated on an endless loop in her mind. The only thing that burned nearly as bright was her need for revenge.

Eventually, she pulled away. There was too much at stake for her to break down now. He sat down in a nearby chair and they talked some more. She finally accepted the fact that neither one of them were to blame.

They both knew it to be true, and there was no going back now. Saren and Sovereign needed to answer for their crimes. Ash deserved justice, and they had to make sure she had not died in vain.

**XoXoX**

Sleep alluded her for the next three days. As soon as she dosed off, images of Ashley rumbled through her nightmares. Every corner of her subconscious would be flooded with death.

_Ashley's frail body was burning and limbs were ripped from her torso by an explosion. "Why didn't you save me?" escaped from her bloodstained lips. Darkness surrounded them._

_Then Saren appeared laughing at her pain, mocking Shepard, mocking their suffering. The mechanical monster floated above him. Deformed Krogan and dead Silarians rained down from the black sky. They bounced when they hit the ground..._

Suddenly, she awoke gasping for air. A cold sweat covered her body. Her sheets were ruffled after being tossed about in her unconscious battle. She sat up quickly and assessed the situation.

"It was a dream," she assured herself.

She refused to go back to sleep after that. Instead, she made herself busy. She checked on the crew, looked over reports, talked to her fish. Anything to keep her awake, she tried.

She lived on coffee with sugar. The taste was awful but she was desperate not to sleep. She spent hours in the hanger running to keep her endorphins pumping. All that did was make her hungry.

Her crew did their best to help. They offered her conversations and poker games. She tried not to beat them all, but it was a challenge. Joker joked, Tali taught, Fredricks flirted.

Kaidan kept his distance for awhile. He was afraid to remind her of the choice she made. It was a struggle for him. She lit up his day. Now, he had nothing to look forward to. He looked for any task that would keep him out of her sight.

She noticed his absence and missed his supportive smile. He was the only one who truly understood what she was going through. He understood the guilt, the regret, and the suffering she harbored. But she thought he wanted space and obliged.

Joker was a close second. Him and Ashley had gotten pretty close during the last few months. The pair were like kindred spirits. He was the annoying brother she never had. She was the nagging wife he never wanted.

Even the nonHumans mourned her death. She could have been a bitch at times and a xenophobe. It took a few months, but she eventually warmed up to them. She admired their skills, their opinions, and even bits of their cultures.

Shepard was the one to clear out her locker. She placed her things in a bag and sat it in her room. Partly as a reminder and partly out of respect. She thought it was her duty to take care of her things.

When they reached the Citadel in two days, she was going to be the one to hand them over to Anderson. And then she was going to find a way to kill Saren.


	25. On the Run

A/N: The mutiny of all mutanies. Following Saren to Ilos.

* * *

><p>"They can't do this! They can't just throw us off our ship! They...they can't take her away! Do something Shepard!" Joker pleaded in the barracks.<p>

The Normandy was in lockdown thanks to that prick Udina. The brass had moved the crew to one of the Alliance bunkers until they figured out what to do with them. Joker had called a meeting to discuss action plans.

"What the hell am I supposed to do, Joker? Am I supposed to walk in to Udina's office, punch him in the face, and override the lockdown?" she asked with sarcasm.

"Why the hell not?"

"Umm I don't know...maybe because I don't want to get court-martialed? Or shot by one of his guards," she said with a crooked frown.

"Fine! I'll do it then," he said as he hobbled to his feet.

"SIT DOWN, Marine! We'll figure something out. Besides, how would you fly her with a broken hand?"

"This isn't fair. He can't just lock us out. She's ours. We need her to stop Saren," argued Fredricks.

"How else are we going to get to Ilos?" asked Garrus.

"Well, do you have a plan, Vakarian? Know anybody at C-Sec who'd want to assist us with a mutiny?" There was a long uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah...that's what I thought. Anyone else?" she asked as she scanned the room for dissenters or an idea.

Her eyes met Kaidan's. Her heart fluttered. _"That hasn't happened in awhile,"_ she thought. She figured it was due to the moment they shared a few hours ago.

She was clearing out her locker when he approached. She had just talked to the Council who agreed with Udina that the Normandy should be grounded. She was boiling with rage and ready to admit defeat.

The Council had dismissed her claims against the Reapers. They were naive. She knew she had to do something to stop Saren and Sovereign before it was too late. But they took away her ship. She was helpless.

He managed to talk some sense into her and offer up some hope. Afterward, they shared an intense moment. Those were becoming more frequent since Virmire, and she had a harder time resisting the urge to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him.

At this point, she no longer cared about regs. What could they do to her that had not already been done by grounding her and her ship? Consequences be damned, she leaned in for a kiss. Before contact, Joker conveniently interrupted.

He thought he was helping out. He did not need his CO getting thrown in the brig for fraternizing with her subordinates. Not to mention the fact that he was a little jealous. Not of Kaidan or Shepard, but of anyone in a relationship.

Joker had known Shepard longer than anyone else on board. He felt he had a responsibility to keep an eye on her. She did not need a babysitter, but as the helmsman, it was his ship and he felt it was his duty to protect her. Even if it was from herself.

He also had a good reason for interrupting. Captain Anderson asked to speak with her in the nightclub Flux. She thought he was going to ream her for losing the Normandy, and she wanted to delay the meeting for as long as possible.

Instead, she joined the crew in the barracks. She knew Joker was in love with the Normandy, and she figured she should make sure he did not do anything stupid. Like steal her the way he did six months ago before he was given the helm.

She walked towards the corner past rows of neatly arranged bunks. She threw her bag on one before turning to face her flight lieutenant. He was sitting on a bed with his feet dangling off the edge. A small circle of crewmen were gathered around him.

"I know you're pissed, Joker! So am I, but we'll find a way to get her back. I promise," she said in an attempt to reassure him. He shrugged and shook his head.

"Look, I need to go meet Anderson. Just don't do anything stupid before I get back, okay?"

He sighed before answering, "Fine...just make it quick."

"Garrus, Kaidan, you're with me," she said as she looked towards each of them standing to her left. She figured she would need a little extra courage walking into Flux, and they were the two she counted on most.

**XoXoX**

"JOKER, get everyone back to the ship," she ordered through her comms.

"You don't have to tell me twice. Are we clear?" he asked not caring about the answer.

"We will be. Now move!"

"Aye, aye, Commander!"

"Do you really think Anderson will be able to get us cleared?" asked a pessimistic Kaidan.

"I don't know, but we're gonna find out," she replied with confidence.

"Has he ever let you down before, Shepard?" asked Garrus.

"Nope. And he's not gonna start now," she added.

**XoXoX**

All communications were running silent since leaving the Citadel. Shepard did not want to hear the hundreds of messages telling her to return to the Station. Her focus was fully on Saren and stopping the Reapers.

She sat at her small round table going through datapads of information when there was a knock on the door.

"Who's there?" she asked with a little apprehension.

She had not wanted distractions. She went so far as to tell Kaidan that if he tried to bring her food one more time, that she would throw him out the airlock. Secretly, she hoped he would disobey so she could punish him.

"It's Tali, I was hoping we could talk for a few moments," said the young woman.

"Come in." The door slide open and Tali stepped inside.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you, but I was wondering if you had some time to talk," she said nervously.

"What's on your mind, Tali?" she asked a little concerned.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm with you one hundred percent, Shepard. When I stepped onto the Normandy, I told myself that I would see this to the end and I will," she said as her mask added a vibrating noise to her voice.

"I appreciate the support, Tali. I just wish we had more of it," she said as her eyes fell from the purple haze of Tali's suit to the metallic datapad in her hand.

"I think you have all the support you need right on this ship. When we defeat Saren, everyone will know the truth!" Tali said with assurance.

"I hope you're right...when our job is done, what will you do?"

"I'll probably return to the Flotilla. I'm pretty sure this mission will conclude my pilgrimage. They may even promote me to soldier after this!" she beamed.

"You deserve it," Shepard said with a smile.

"I should be getting back to engineering. I don't know what they'd do without me down there."

"Thanks for the talk, Tali," she said as the Quarian exited.

Tali broke the floodgates. Afterwards, everyone else began filtering in for a chat with the Commander: Greico, Chase, Waaberi, Tucks, the Draven couple. Even Wrex stopped by. They wanted to voice their support.

"Looks like we're heading for one hell of a fight," said the beady-eyed Krogan. His voice was deep and reverberated off the walls.

"Looks like," she said in return.

"I'm glad I decided to come along. You Humans aren't so bad after all. And you're one hell of a fighter, Shepard."

"Thanks, Wrex. It wasn't so bad having you aboard, either. Maybe on my next ship, I'll request a Krogan bunk."

"Ehehe, Good. Can't wait to rip that Turian from limb to limb," he said as he began to exit.

"I saw him first, Wrex. You'll have to get in line."

"With pleasure," she heard him say as he rounded the corner.

"Commander?" said the soft-spoken Asari. "Would it be alright if we talked for a second?" she asked through the comms.

"I'm free right now. Come on over," she replied.

Two minutes later, the blue Asari entered the room. Her brightly colored skin was accentuated by the artificial lights. Sky blue eyes pierced through the darkness.

"I just wanted to let you know that you were the first person I have ever joined with. It may not be a big deal to you, but for the Asari, it is significant," she said with her trademark cadence.

"Glad I could be the one to pop your cherry, Liara," she said with a cheeky grin.

"Cherry? I do not understand," she replied with confusion.

"It was a joke. Ask Joker, he'll explain. Seriously though, it's been an honor. You have helped us tremendously on our mission. I don't think I could ever repay you for that."

"There is no need, Commander. I have learned more about the Protheans on this ship in three months than I have in ten years studying their ruins. I owe you just as much," she said bowing her head with gratitude.

"Some how I doubt that, Liara. But thank you."

"And thank you, Shepard," she said before turning to head back to her office across the deck.

Next came Adams, Tanaka, Felawa, Gladstone. They all noted their support and admiration for her service. Every one of them was proud to serve under her. But the revolving door was starting to make her head spin.

The door opened again. This time she did not look up. She was pinching the bridge of her nose as she tried to read the same line she had been staring at for an hour.

"And when do I get my audience with the queen bee?" a deep voice bellowed. It was Garrus. "Did I get that right?"

"Yes, and whenever you like," she said, looking up to greet him.

"Look, Shepard. I know it was hard to sit there under 'house arrest'. But commandeering a military vessel? I don't think I would've had the quad," he said with a snicker.

"That's why I'm in charge. Someone's gotta make the tough calls," she said with a smirk.

"I know...and about Ash..." He sucked in a deep breath before continuing, "You did the right thing. I know you may not want to hear that or believe it, but it's true. We all stand behind that decision. And we all stand behind you."

"I appreciate that, Garrus. I really do," she said with a kind expression. "This may be a weird thing to say, but you're like a brother to me. An odd, slightly less attractive, Turian brother. And I'm proud to say that."

"I was just about to say the same thing, Shepard!"

"I'm like a brother to you?" she asked with a deadpanned expression.

"Yes. An odd, slightly less attractive, Human brother," he said with a chuckle.

"Thanks, Garrus. It's good to know you care," she said sarcastically.

"But, if you're going to continue to commandeer Alliance vessels, we may have to invest in a few eye patches and a pair of peg legs for Joker."

"I heard that, Vakarian," said Joker's voice over the comms.

"What were you saying the other day about eavesdropping on your Commander?" he asked the pilot.

"When, uh, you said my name, the comms system must've, uh, picked it up," he said stammering.

"Bullshit, Joker! You little Palavenian shitworm. I'll be right there to install those legs," he said with a confident tone.

"How do you know about Human pirates, Garrus?" asked Shepard.

"Who doesn't?" he asked rhetorically as he began his trek to the cockpit.

"Uh, Shepard? What the hell is a shitworm?" asked Joker as the door shut behind the Turian.

"Hell if I know...but with a name like that, it can't be anything good."

"We'll be at Ilos in eight hours, Commander," he added before dropping the comms.

An hour later, the door opened one final time. It was Kaidan. He had spent the last twelve hours in the infirmary courtesy of a migraine. That was not going to stop him from getting his time with Shepard.

_"Finally!"_ she thought to herself before letting out a sigh of relief as he entered. He was the only person left that she wanted to talk to. But talking was not what either of them had in mind.

* * *

><p>AN: A BIG THANKS to everyone who's still reading this. I'm shocked that I have followers and favorites! Thank you! This is the first bit of fiction I've ever written and I hope it's gotten better as it goes along.


	26. The End of the Beginning

A/N: The conclusion of ME1. After her brief recovery, the Normandy crew get back to work. But not before some long awaited Shenko smut!

* * *

><p>Today was the day. She had spent months chasing Saren to Ilos and lost a lot of good people in her pursuit. She followed the rogue Spectre through the mass relay that spit them out on the Citadel.<p>

She waged a battle for the Station against Sovereign once her Mako touched down. Joker helped save the Council from the Normandy while the full force of the Alliance Navy destroyed the Reaper. Its hull rained down on the Presidium.

They had foiled their plot to open the Citadel relay. If they had been successful, the Reapers would have flooded into the galaxy to began their harvest of organic life.

Anderson took his rightful place on the Council a few days later. But even he could not stop the Reaper coverup that had already begun. Cleanup was also well underway. It would take years to repair what Sovereign had plundered.

She knew it was far from over. Her crew won this battle, but the war had only just begun. She could not wait to get back to the Normandy. Preparations needed to start immediately if they were to have any chance at stopping the eminent Reaper invasion.

But today was not that day. Today, she would leave the hospital she had been confined to for the last week. Today, she was going to celebrate. Her friends were patiently waiting to buy her lots of beer.

Her dislocated shoulder and fractured ribs were easily repaired. Bumps and bruises healed on their own. She could have taken care of the cut above her eye in her sleep. The concussion is what sidelined her for the duration.

Kaidan tried not to crowd her. He knew he would not be able to keep from doting over her if he visited. Stroking her hair, filling her glass, kissing her forehead. He wanted to take care of her.

Garrus took it upon himself to be the lookout. Kaidan was only allowed in after their superiors had left. Anderson visited daily, Hackett a few times over the week. The Council also made an appearance to thank her for saving them.

The first night, Kaidan and Garrus stayed with her. Garrus sat in a chair pushed up against the door for good measure. Kaidan crawled in bed and held her through the night.

His stubbly chin scratched her neck. His warm breath gave her chills. The feel of his skin next to hers brought her peace. She never wanted to leave his embrace. For the first time in years, she was happy.

Two days later, her mother arrived. She had walked in on the lovebirds in a deep kiss. Garrus was teased about that for weeks. "Don't let Garrus stand watch," they would say. Her mother was a good sport, though.

She wanted her daughter to be happy. And if she had to break regs to make it happen, so be it. She knew that Anderson must have approved. Shepard could not have kept something like that from him for long. If he approved of Kaidan, then so did she.

The crew was given eight days Liberty. Some went home for the week. Joker made it to Arcturus and back. Fredricks partied on the Citadel. Wrex went back to his homeworld of Tuchanka. Felawa even made it to Earth and back.

Two weeks after the attack on the Citadel, everyone reported back to the Normandy. Without missing a beat, they set out to finish off the remaining Geth rebels. Shepard was still itching for a fight.

"Alright, Joker. You officially got your baby back. You ready?" she asked the helmsman.

"Hell yeah, I'm ready. What are we waiting for?"

"The green light..."she said as they both turned to look at the docking release indicator. "Green means go! Hurry before they change their mind!"

"So? Where to, Commander?"

"Hackett said the Omega Nebula. They are still getting reports of Geth incursions."

"Omega it is," he said with a smile.

"Commander...you're needed in the lounge," said Fredricks over the comms. "We have a situation."

"It never ends does it, Joker?" she asked with a wink.

"For you? Never."

She made her way through the CIC, down the stairs, and into the lounge. There was a crowd gathered by a shelving unit. They parted once she entered.

"Sitrep, Freddy," she said with a stern voice.

"It's Alexander...I'm afraid he's gone...belly up," he said holding up the water-filled box with the green-finned fish.

"Nooo, not Alex," she said as she took the box from his hands. Sadness filled her face. She shook it gently to see if he would move. He just floated there lifeless.

"Damn...Joker, let me know when we're are clear of the Station. It's time for Alexander the Great to sleep with the stars."

"Oh no, not Alex...but will do, Commander. Should we convene a service?"

"You can make an announcement...but he was just a fish," she said perplexed.

"Yeah, but he was our fish. Our mascot. He should get a proper send off," he replied.

An hour later, he was buried with honors. Most of the crew attended. To them, he was a symbol of their camaraderie. His tiny corpse was then shot out from the Normandy into the black. It was a farewell fit for a king.

**XoXoX**

"Sorry about Alex," said Kaidan as he entered her cabin. She nodded with appreciation. "When's the last time you had one of these?" he asked smiling as he tossed her an apple.

"Years," she replied as her eyes lit up at the red ball in her hand. "My uncle used to send them to us from Earth in care packages," she added as she took a bite of its crispy skin. "Mmmmm!"

"That's how I got these. My mom sent them, from the family orchard. She handpicked them with love," he said as he gave her a flirty smile.

"Tell her, 'Thank you from the Savior of the Citadel'," she joked.

He did not laugh. She was a bit concerned. He laughed at everything she said.

"Let's have it, Lieutenant," she said playfully.

"It's just that...I may have done something stupid," he said with regretful eyes.

"What did you do, Kaidan?" she asked with authority.

"I may have told my mom about you, about us," he said with a hint of shame.

"Hmmm, well I guess it's only fair. My mom knows about us, too," she said with a carefree shrug.

Kaidan had slowly made his way closer to her. He sat in the chair next to hers and inched it towards her. He leaned his shoulder into hers before continuing.

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? It's not like you held a press conference and shouted it to the galaxy," she said as she nudged his shoulder. The right one was still sore, but her left was fine.

"I'm glad," he said as he started kissing her neck. He was hoping for a protest that he had planned on ignoring but it never came. Her body shivered in response.

"How's your shoulder?" he mumbled from behind her ear.

"I've had worse. Why? You wanna kiss it and make it better?" she asked with a low raspy voice that stirred something deep within him.

"Don't mind if I do," he said as he pulled down the collar of her shirt for better access.

"Wrong one," she corrected with a cheeky grin.

"I'm just getting started," he said reassuringly.

He stood from his chair. Then he leaned over and picked her up from hers. He carried her over to the bed. She giggled. She had no intensions of objecting.

He slowly lowered her onto her bed, not wanting to cause her any more discomfort. He kneeled over her body on all fours, and planted a big sloppy kiss on her voluptuous lips.

"It's this one," he said as he kissed her right shoulder through her shirt. "No. This is no good," he said as shook his head in disapproval.

He grabbed the bottom of her shirt and carefully pulled it up over her head. A light purple bruise lingered over her ribs. He winced at the thought of her in pain.

Forgoing the shoulder, he starting kissing her ribs. He hoped that his lips would bring her some sort of comfort. But for her, the pain was mixed with pleasure and only intensified her desires.

She pulled off his shirt and threw it to the floor. She rubbed his shoulders and back, kneading the hardened muscles underneath. Her nails lightly grazed his skin. Goosebumps formed in her wake.

He smiled on her skin. She felt the corners of his lips stiffen and she smiled back. He did not have to look at her face to know that she had.

"Any bruises on your legs?" he asked already knowing the answer.

"There's a pretty nasty one on my thigh. It's deep too, might need a lot of attention," she flirted.

"I should get right on that, Commander," he said as he undid her pants and slid them off.

The bruise was on the back side of her upper thigh. He flipped her over so he could reach it better. He slowly licked the sensitive skin as she grabbed the sheets to quell her squirms. Light kisses peppered her bruise.

Then he worked his way up her spine, alternating between licks and kisses. He undid the small clasp on her bra and threw it to the side. Finally, he reached the bad shoulder.

She had had enough by that point. She turned over to face him. She kissed his warm lips before flipping him over on his back. How she had the strength with broken ribs, he did not know, nor did he care.

She undid his pants and rubbed her fingers along his hardened shaft. The sensation sent him moaning while his head rolled back into the pillow. She smiled as she bit her lip.

She straddled his body as she slid him into her wetness. She let out a gasp of air. It was intended as a moan but the sound caught in her throat. She slowly began to rock back and forth on his toned body.

He grabbed her hands and enterlaced their fingers. He guided her thrusts as she steadily increased her speed. His hands fell to her hips aiding with her momentum. Their eyes were locked onto each other's.

He sat up to be closer to her lips. She wrapped her legs around his waist tightly. She never wanted to let go. Pleasure intensified as their pace grew more rapid. Moans and pants and sighs of euphoria filled the air.

He kissed her neck as she twisted his hair between her fingers. He took his time making his way down to her shoulder. He took her skin in between his lips and sucked on her collarbone.

"That's gonna leave a mark," he said with a playful laugh. She moaned softly in agreement.

He smiled into her lips as he began to accelerate his movements. The rhythmic motion of their bodies set off their biotics. The blue glow bathed the cabin.

His fingertips dug into her back. He pulled her towards him with every thrust. She ached to be closer to him as his body smashed into hers. She pulled his head back and kissed him passionately.

She bit her lip as her fiery green eyes gazed into his. He took her lips into his mouth and gave the lower one a bite of his own. Their breathing became more shallow; their heartbeats synchronized.

Simultaneously, they grunted with an animalistic fervor. Their bodies seized with elation at the climax of their experience. He fell to the bed in exhaustion. She fell to his chest with contentment.

There they stayed for the rest of the night. Her arm was draped over his chest. Their legs were tangled together in the sheets. Slowly, the dim lights gave way to peaceful slumber.

So much had happened in the last four months. Death, destruction, Reapers, Saren, an unrelenting Council. They somehow made it through and thought that nothing could be any worse than what they had just gone through.

But they were wrong.

* * *

><p>AN: This concludes ME1. Stay tuned for ME2.


	27. Mourning

A/N: Finals are over so here you go! Anderson, Joker, and Kaidan in mourning.

* * *

><p>It was the six month anniversary of Shepard's death. Anderson hesitantly put on his dress blues. In thirty minutes a car would be pulling up to his hotel to take him to the memorial. Every colony had organized their own way to commemorate her accomplishments.<p>

This was the fourth ceremony he had been to in two weeks. The organizers always invited him to say a few words, but he had used the same generic speech for each one. The attendees accepted the idea that, as a Council member, he was too busy to write a new one.

The truth was that he could not. If he had to write anything else about her death, about her life, he would have screamed. It had been a challenge for him to put together the almost incoherent words on the notecards he placed in his pocket.

He took the Star of Terra medal that her mother had sent him and placed it in another. It was the only thing that gave him enough strength to stand in front of the crowd as he dedicated memorial after memorial.

The worst part about the ceremonies was the crying observers. He would watch as women, and a few men, would wipe tears from their eyes as he spoke. Deep down, it angered him; he could not understand their sobs.

He was fine with everyone remembering the First Human Spectre and the Hero of the Citadel. But they did not know her. Not really. He did, and he thought he was the only one there who had the right to cry. The thought was irrational, but he could not help his feelings.

After the news of her going down with the Normandy, he cried himself to sleep several nights in a row. He knew he probably should not have allowed it. He was a hardened soldier, after all. But in the privacy of his own bed, he did not care.

When Shepard died, he lost a daughter, and he spent months mourning her. They never recovered her body which gave him hope that, somehow, she was still alive. Maybe, just maybe, she was out there somewhere.

He understood that this was also irrational.

The knock on the door rescued him from his desperate thoughts. He took one last swig of the scotch in his hand before slamming down the glass. The table rumbled beneath it. A short, stocky man led him to the car that drove him to the service.

The format was pretty much the same at every one. They would start out with a moment of silence. Then the unveiling of the statue, plaque, or whatever idol they chose before commencing with speeches. Another moment of silence ended the occasion.

Anderson usually spoke last. He hid his contempt for the mourners as he tried to block out the speeches given before him. The less attention he paid, the easier it was to sit through. He would then be escorted back to his hotel before leaving for the Citadel the next morning.

_"Shepard, wouldn't have liked this,"_ he often thought. They never mentioned any of the twenty other souls lost that day. It was always about Shepard, but she would have wanted them to include all of the crew that supported her mission.

With every memorial, they became easier to handle. He wondered if it had been the boring repetition of it all, or time that had scarred over his wounds. Either way, he was glad for the numbness.

The following night, he would dream of her. It began with the first time he saw her tiny pink cheeks as she was cuddled tightly in her father's arms. Then her at her father's funeral, then after the Blitz, then at her N7 graduation.

He would then visit her in the hospital after the Battle for the Citadel. Terrifyingly, the dream would conclude with her blowing up with her ship. He always woke up in a cold sweat after that.

Oh how he hated going to the memorials. But they were better than the funeral at least. It had been a private affair that was attended by the Council, Admiral Hackett and other high ranking officials. Her surviving crew were in the front row.

Everyone of them cried, even the nonHumans. Anderson had caught Wrex wiping a tear from his eye at one point. Although, the tough Krogan denied it later. No one could see Tali's face, but they heard her whimpers.

Surprisingly, Kaidan was the only one who did not shed a tear. Instead, he was nearly catatonic from the pain. He shut down completely. The others tried to help, but he walked around aimlessly in his broken shell.

Joker, seemed to have taken it the hardest. He blamed himself for her death. If he had left his damn chair a few seconds earlier, they may have both made it to the escape pod. And she may have still been alive.

**XoXoX**

On the one year anniversary, Joker was still drowning his guilt in a bottle. He had been grounded for several months following her death. Not because they blamed him, but because he could not stay sober long enough to pilot a ship. His health suffered as he fell into a depression and self-medicated with booze. Alcohol had been his only comfort for the last year, because he needed it to forget.

He needed to forget her face as she flew off into the darkness. He needed to forget Pressly's body as it slammed into the bulkhead. He needed to forget watching his baby get ripped into a million pieces as he floated away helplessly. He needed to forget his own name.

Tonight he was getting shitfaced.

His night started at the local bar on Arcturus. It had been months since he had gotten piss drunk, but tonight, he was going all out. He started with shots of vodka. A few of the servicemen bought him beers which he gladly accepted.

Later, he made his way to a shady bar across the station where he met up with a lone Krogan. Everyone else stayed their distance, but Joker had gotten drunk with Wrex many times before. He strolled up to the bar and took the chair closest to him.

The vodka had not kicked in yet so he started hitting the whiskey. The Krogan was impressed.

"Where'd you learn to drink like that, frail human?" he asked the obviously deformed helmsman.

"A Krogan taught me," he replied as his words began to slur.

"Hehehe, we're the best teachers," he replied.

That was the last thing Joker remembered before waking up in the entrance of his mother's apartment. She was still in shock when she told her son that a Krogan had knocked on the door at four in the morning after carrying him home.

"It's no big deal, ma. I had a Krogan shipmate on the Normandy," he said as he hobbled to the kitchen. Just saying "Normandy" made his stomach turn.

"Well, it would have been nice to get a heads up. I especially didn't appreciate your friends stopping by last night after you left. I had just went to bed when they pounded on the door," she complained.

"What friends, ma?" he asked taking a pack of ice from the fridge and placing it over his eyes.

"Here...they left you a note. Said they couldn't wait to see you on the trip to Binthu. Where the hell is that? And why didn't you tell me you were going there?" she asked as she began to prepare breakfast.

She made sure to make loud noises as punishment. He flinched as she banged a pot on the stove. She had also raised her voice slightly when speaking to annoy him. Loudmouths ran in the family.

"Calm down, I'm not," he said with a confused look as he took the envelope from the counter. He opened the seal and pulled out a slip of paper and a travel chip. The note read:

_To: Flight Lieutenant Jeffery Moreau,_

_We have information on Commander Shepard that would be of the utmost importance to you. Can't explain now, but I have enclosed an itinerary and travel accommodations for you. It is imperative that you come alone! Everything will be explained in time._

_Sincerely, M.L._

There was a Cerberus symbol underneath, and he pulled the paper to his chest upon seeing it. He took the envelope with him to his room as he gathered his things to take a shower. _"Cerberus? What the hell do they want with me?...I bet it's a trap,"_ he thought to himself before properly disposing of it in the trash bin.

On second thought, he fished it out. He did not need anyone knowing that he had been contacted by Cerberus. Instead, he took it to the incinerator and dumped it in. He pressed the button to light the fire and watched through the thick window as it turned to dust. He was briefly reminded of the Normandy on fire.

"Stupid Cerberus," he mumbled as he headed towards the bathroom. It would be the first of many letters he would light on fire over the next few months.

"Who still uses paper?"

**XoXoX**

It took Kaidan many months before he could sleep through a whole night without waking up from nightmares. He'd still have them, but they barely woke him up anymore.

It had taken him about three months before he had the energy to cry. At the funeral service, he was stone. Shock had made his body and mind rigid. He sat through the entire thing with a blank stare. He was probably drooling, but he could not remember.

Anderson noticed and skipped over him when it was his turn to talk. He was also afraid of what the traumatized Lieutenant might say. He did not want their last memory of her to be the revelation that she had been fraternizing with her subordinate.

Afterwards, Kaidan cut all ties with the Normandy crew. He knew that they would remind him of the life he should have had. To compensate, he threw himself into his work and vowed to never love again.

Eighteen months after her death, he finally let his friends set him up on a date. Not because he was lonely, but because he wanted to shut them up. He knew it would take a lot longer than that before he was anywhere near being ready to date. If ever.

His friends did a pretty good job, though. She was a doctor and had no affiliation with the Alliance. The latter was high on his list of acceptable candidates. "No more fraternizing," he would say.

She also lacked the habit of blowing things up. Or running into firefights, or piloting ancient Salarian fighters, or head butting Krogan. She was much more reserved than Shepard, and was almost as quiet as he was.

He was relieved by this at first. When he stepped into the bar where they had planned to meet, no one was mobbing her for autographs. There were no lifesaving emergencies that forced them to abandon their date. It was a quiet evening; so much so that he was almost bored.

She was pretty enough: smart, talented, likable. She almost ticked every one of his boxes. And she was ordinary too; an ordinary person with an ordinary life. He liked the idea of her. But she was not Shepard.

He sulked home that night. The guilt consumed him. Shepard's body had been blown to bits, and here he was, on a date. He felt that it disrespected her, that he was cheating on her. His feelings did not make sense.

She was gone and he was trying to put his life back together. Even her mother told him that it was okay to move on, but he was not ready. He thought he would never be ready. And maybe he was okay with that.

When he arrived at his tiny apartment, there was a message from Hackett requesting an audience in two days. The letter addressed him as Lieutenant Commander and he laughed at what he thought was a bureaucratic oversight.

"What does Hackett want with me?" he wondered.

Just then, another message arrived confirming his travel plans. He skimmed through the details before heading to bed. But it was not long before a nightmare woke him for the first time in months. He accepted it as his karmic punishment for cheating on a ghost.


	28. Reawakenings

A/N: Shepard is back from the dead and tries to make sense of her new environment.

* * *

><p>Her eyes flickered in the darken cabin. She laid there not daring to move. A crazy dream lingered in her thoughts. It was not quite a nightmare, but she could not shake the images of death and destruction. Then, rebirth.<p>

_I was asleep. Laying in bed next to Kaidan. "Where is he now?"_ she thought not wanting to look around. _An alarm blared through the comms system. Then explosions. Bodies were flying everywhere and fire raged through the hull._

_"Get out of here, Kaidan! I have to get Joker!" They argued, but she persisted and won. Another explosion and then death. _"I died?" she questioned. _Strange voices peaked at me through glass. Whiteness surrounded me._

_Some strange woman woke me up. Australian, I think? Told me to run; I ran. Robots chased me through more burning. "Cerberus? I would never work for you sociopaths!"_

_Freedom's Progress was barren. Only drones cut through the silence. Two strangers fought beside me. Then Tali was there. She was angry. "I'm not with them!" I assured her. The Quarian huffed off anyway._

_"Fuck off, Illusive Man!" A new Normandy! The SR-2. "Thanks? She's beautiful!"_

"Joker?" she said out loud with confusion. She had not intended an answer.

"Yes, Commander?" he replied through the comms.

She was momentarily startled by his voice. After a minute or two with a puzzled tone, she asked, "We're alive?"

"Well...I'm alive. You're...technically 'undead'."

"I dreamed that the Normandy blew up. Then I died."

"That wasn't a dream, Shepard. They...they brought you back."

"Who?"

"Cerberus."

"Cerberus?! Wha...Why?"

"You're the only one who can stop the Collectors."

"Collectors? I thought we were hunting Geth?" she asked as her confusion still radiated over the line.

"That was years ago. Cerberus has spent the last TWO years rebuilding you and the Normandy. Don't ask me what that means. Miranda would know."

"Miranda? Who's? Where's Kaidan?"

"I...don't know. After you died, after you went down with the Normandy, he split. He wouldn't talk to anyone...I don't know."

She had finally decided to sit up. This cabin was bigger than the original. There was a sitting area in front of a small study. Her own personal shower sat on the other side of that, and one entire wall was a fish tank. The bright blue water was comforting.

"So it wasn't a dream then?" she asked as the memories of the last few days began to trickle back into her mind.

"No. We've had this same conversation for the past three mornings. It's, uh, starting to get old, Commander," he said with boredom.

"I don't remember!"

"Miranda said it's normal and temporary. You're brain was heavily damaged. But the good news is...you're half robot now!"

"Jeff, that was highly inappropriate," said a mechanical female voice through the speakers.

"Who's that?" Shepard asked.

"That would be EDI. She's trying to take over my job," he said a little perturbed.

"I am the Normandy's artificial intelligence. Enhanced Defense Intelligence, or EDI for short. I assist the crew with many tasks that are imperative to our mission: weapons, defense, Life-support, engine repair, flight controls." EDI replied.

"What the fuck...AI? Joker, what the hell is going on here?"

"Ask Miranda. She's the Illusive Man's bitc...uh second-in-command," he said with a snicker.

"What about the rest of the crew? Pressly, Chakwas, Adams?" she asked nervously.

"Pressly...didn't make it. Twenty people went down with you." There was silence over the comms as he gave her time to process the news.

"Shit..."

"Shepard, have you see the fish tank, yet? They really did their homework on you," he added trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I'm looking at it, Joker. It's kinda hard to miss."

"They put you back together like Frankenstein's monster, and then gave you a fish tank to keep you from going native on them. Pretty clever."

"I think they got the short end of the deal. It's massive. Takes up a whole damn wall!"

"Uh huh, you could go diving in there. That reminds me, if I get a note from my doctor, you have to let me do my hydrotherapy in it."

"Request denied," she said dryly.

"You know, I'm really not digging the attitude of the Shepard Mark II."

"Say again, Joker?" she asked in her best Commander Shepard voice.

"I really like the personality chip they installed in you, Commander," he annunciated loudly. They both laughed deeply at that.

"Where's the mess?"

"Same place it's always been. Did you not pay attention during the tour? Take the elevator to three. Mess Sergeant Gardener will make you some chow."

"Thanks, Joker. Anyone else I know aboard?"

"The Doctor is in!"

"Dr. Chakwas? I'll have to stop by."

"Yeah, you do that. And I look forward to having this same conversation tomorrow morning, Commander," he said with a sarcastic voice that made her roll her eyes.

Instead of pushing [3], she decided to push [2] first. When she stepped out of the elevator, she was greeted by a perky blonde woman.

"Hey, Commander!" she said with a kind voice. "You have new messages at your private terminal. Nothing urgent though, so you can probably take your time."

"Uh, thanks? Chambers, right?" Shepard asked as the memory of their first meeting popped into her head.

"Yes, Commander. Still having problems with your short-term memory? Miranda said it will pass. Speaking of, she wanted to see you in her cabin."

"Okay," she replied as she took a good look around at the updated CIC.

"Jacob is working on those weapon mods you asked for. He said they'll be finished by the time you're ready for them," she said pointing to the door to Shepard's left.

She remembered that it led to the armory. The door to here right, led to some sort of lab that was inaccessible due to their lack of an onboard scientist. It made her quite curious.

She turned and reentered the elevator. This time she pressed [3] and was taken to the Crew's Quarters. She was glad her room was two floors above. She had a feeling that sleep would be a precious commodity in the coming months.

In the space where the stairs used to be were two hallways. Off of them were the gender-specific heads, a small sleeping quarters, and the port and starboard observation rooms.

The Main Battery was located down a long corridor just past the infirmary. To enter, you had to go through the galley. The XO, Miranda Lawson, occupied her old cabin space that shared a wall with the kitchen.

She banked left out of the elevator towards the med-bay. _"Dr. Chakwas first, then Miranda,"_ she thought to herself. Passing the mess, she strolled into the infirmary.

"You've seen one med-bay, you've seen 'em all," she said to the white haired Doctor.

Chakwas turned and smiled at her with caring eyes. She curiously wondered if she would get the same conversation for the third day in a row.

"How are you feeling today, Commander?" she asked.

"As can be expected after waking up for several days in a row from a nightmare that turns out to be real."

_"Different,"_ thought the Doctor. "How is your memory?" she asked after nodding her head in approval.

"It came back faster today. When I hit the CIC it flooded back to me.

"That's excellent news," she said as she pulled up her omni-tool and started running diagnostics.

"Is this really necessary, Doc?"

"We have very little information on what Cerberus actually did to you. I need to make sure you are in good health."

"What did they do to me?" she asked rhetorically.

"Ask Miranda. But she's a tough nut to crack. She is fully devoted to the Illusive Man."

"What are we doing with them? We saw first hand what they're capable of."

"Lesser of two evils, Commander. The Reapers, and now this business with the Collectors? If the Council didn't help us against Saren and Sovereign, why would they help now?"

"Hell if I know."

"They pinned the whole Sovereign debacle on Saren. We knew he was just a puppet of the Reapers, but they refused to listen. Sometimes, the enemy of your enemy is your friend. And today, that friend is Cerberus."

"But it's CERBERUS! Do you remember what they did to Admiral Kahoku and his men? What about the experiments on the Rachni?"

"I know, Commander," she said with a shrug. "But they spent billions of credits on you and the SR-2. Think of how many other resources they have to aid our mission. Use them. Like you use your guns. They are tools, so wield them for good."

Shepard sighed before speaking again. The silence gave them both a chance to contemplate joining with Cerberus._ "She's right. I do need support to stop the Reapers and the Council could care less,"_ she thought scrunching her face. She did not need to talk to them again to know that was the truth.

The movement opened up small fissures where her weakened skin had failed to hold together. They exposed an orange mechanical matrix underneath. Dr. Chakwas examined them intently.

"I'll look in to a way to repair these scars," said the doctor.

"Thanks. And you may be right about Cerberus. I guess we should take it one day at a time. We'll see what the dossiers yield. But then I want to talk to Anderson. And the Council."

"Sounds like a good strategy to me. Well, I am done here. Nothing out of the ordinary. Everything seems to be holding together nicely. Except, uh, those small patches, but we'll fix that."

"Thanks, Doc. I guess I'll go face Miranda now," she said as she slowly meandered towards the door.

"Joker and I are with you one hundred percent," she alled after her as Shepard disappeared out of view.

She walked through the mess. A few crewman nodded and greeted her but she said nothing in return. The door slid open revealing the first officer's cabin. There was a huge desk in the foreground with a bed behind it.

Miranda's piercing blue eyes and jet black hair offset her pale skin as she looked up from her terminal. Her genetically enhanced features only fueled her slightly warranted ego. The thick accent that had woken Shepard from her coma, was cold and calculating. It almost made the highly trained soldier's hair stand on end.

Doctor Chakwas was right about her allegiance to the Illusive Man. She almost spoke of him as a god, and fully believed in his cause. Was she delusional or overly grateful? Maybe she was naive or just using him like Shepard planned on doing.

Shepard knew he was only a man, a man who desperately needed her help. She had the upper hand. Although, it made her uneasy to think that his minions were instructed to watch her every move. She was thankful to have a few familiar faces to watch her back. But the AI? She may never get used to that.

Needless to say, their conversation did not go well. There were profanities and threats hurled every which way. Biotic energy swirled around under their skin. After she had had enough of Miranda's cocky lip and lack of answeres, she stormed off.

She rushed to the elevator and pressed [4]. Maybe a trip to the new drive core would steady her nerves. She could feel the tingling as she approached. She spun on a dime after exiting the elevator and entered the engine room.

Two bright-eyed engineers, Donnelly and Daniels, greeted her but she ignored them. Partly because she missed Adams, partly because they were Cerberus, and partly because she was enraged.

The core was a lot larger than the SR-1. She wondered how that would effect the Normandy's performance. She shook it off because she knew that if anyone could handle her, it was Joker.

"Commander, we'll be at Omega in an hour," rang Joker's voice.

"Hmmm, that's weird. I was just thinking about you."

"Oh really? Credit for your thoughts?"

"I was just wondering how long it'll take before you let me get blown up with this one," she snickered.

"Ouch! Look, I mourned you for months. Got so piss drunk that I couldn't fly for a few of those. And, I knew it was my fault..maybe, kinda. But you should have left me! I was trying to buy you and the rest of the crew more time."

"Bullshit. The captain is the one who's supposed to go down with the ship! I had to save you. I had to try to save everyone. I failed miserably, but that's kinda my job!"

"You didn't fail. We were outgunned."

"That's never stopped me from kicking ass before. But I died there, with my ship and my crew. That's what failing looks like."

"Well, you shouldn't have. You should have left me. You had Kaidan and Anderson...I had no one," he said with a hitch in his voice. The comms were silent for awhile. She understood his guilt.

"You know what, Joker? I'm glad it was me and not you. Because nobody would've paid a credit to bring your sorry ass back! And then who'd I have to fly the SR-2?" she said in a stern yet playful tone.

"See! I knew you cared!" exclaimed the pilot. It was her way of letting him off the hook, and he felt more at peace now that they had cleared the air. They shared a couple of laughs before he went back to work.

Afterwards, she began her trek to the armory to check on her guns. Upon arrival, she studied the man standing over his work station. He had her sniper rifle in one hand and a high-tech scope in the other.

"I thought you'd be done with that by now, Jacob. We hit Omega in under an hour," she said in a mocking tone.

He was unamused. His muscular shoulders made his tight uniform look as if it was painted on. Dark skin glistened with sweat under the lamp. His deep brown eyes rolled back in his head.

"I'm almost done with the install. I didn't think you'd take this one anyway. Your profile said you don't care much for sniping," he said without taking his eyes of his work.

"True. That's why we're going to pick up a sniper on Omega," she said rolling her eyes right back. She hated that he knew so much about her.

"So are we going after Archangel first?" he asked not really caring for an answer. He was former Alliance and was used to following orders.

"I was thinking the Salarian. It shouldn't be too difficult to find him. Plus, we need a little more time to gel before we head for the heavy hitter," she said before heading back out to the CIC.

She walked over to her terminal and starting going through her messages. One had arrived from Anderson and she immediately opened it. "He thought I was dead for two years?" she said to herself. Without hesitation, she wrote him back.

She used the rest of the messages to occupy her time till arrival. She was in no hurry to get to Omega. It was filled with vagrants and outlaws, and she was unaware of who she would find there. Whoever they were, they could not be any worse than Cerberus.

* * *

><p>AN2: I have a feeling that ME2 is going to be short few chapters. I've already hit writer's block and finally figured out it was because there's no Kaidan. But I'm going to push through and do my best. No promises that this continues to get updated regularly. I have other ideas I want to work on, but I have the endgame for this in mind and hope it's unique enough. Just gotta get to it.

Thank you again for the follows and likes and favorites and comments! You guys are awesome!


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